Ep 320: 18+ Be Nice to Your Vagina with Dr. Shyama Mathews: A Female Empowerment Chat. Sexual health matters! It matters to your quality of life and your mental health. Dr. Shyama Mathews joined me for a chat about women's health. She assists women who dedicate their lives to caring for others - these superwomen often prioritize everyone else's well-being, comfort, and happiness before their own. She shared how we can enjoy our sexuality best and address genital health concerns. Above all, sex should not be painful! If you are a woman and sex is painful, don't suffer silently without doctor advice. There is help and treatment through healthy lubes, prescriptions, and adjuncts to enhance sexuality and physical therapy. Yes! Pelvic floor physical therapy is a thing and can help many women get rid of pain, eliminate the need for medications, and enjoy their lives more. And we discussed the importance of using vaginal lubricants that maintain the natural pH balance and promote vaginal health. (Take advantage of a 15% discount on your first order with the code FCKYEAH at www.helloplayground.com.)
We also discussed how sex toys can help women and couples improve intimacy. She highlighted the unfortunate reality that numerous female patients refrain from discussing sexual health concerns with their providers. This hesitance stems from feelings of shame, perceived insignificance, societal prudishness, the acceptance of diminished libido or moisture as a natural part of aging, and a lack of awareness regarding available treatments that could alleviate their issues. Don't sit back in silence and put your self-care or sexual health and fitness on the back burner! Take charge and be an advocate for yourself. You deserve romance and love as well as pleasure and orgasms! Seek help today! Think of it like using lotion for your skin; you can moisturize your pussy!
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Episode 320 Season 3. Transcript created by Substack. Transcript may not be 100% accurate. Any questions, please email firstname.lastname@example.org Thank you!
Hello this is Ruan Willow of the Oh Fck Yeah with Ruan Willow podcast and I'm excited you're here because we're going to talk about something that is really important for women and the people who love them.
On my show I love to talk about sex and sexuality
how to make it better for you and your partner and so i have erotica and i have experts on today i have an expert who is a doctor Dr Shyama Mathews is a gynecologist and she's a specialist for women's care
and she gives us lots of tips for how to be nice to your vagina seriously you can do this and there's so many things that you can do and it can make your sex so much better we talk about lube the good the bad and the ugly not all lube is created the same and we talk about sex toys and we talk about how to have better sex
These are important things.
We talk about how sex is not supposed to be painful and there are treatments.
So if you're experiencing pain with sex there is treatment.
Don't suffer through that.
Reach out for help.
There's so many options she talks about and she really loves to help women who are busy taking care of others in their lives.
Super women who may put themselves and their comfort and enjoyment last.
and treatment isn't always offered to women and she talks about that and how the current climate of care medical care in America it isn't always offered to women all the things that are out there so stay tuned and find out more about that she is a board-certified OBGYN
Minimally Invasive Gynecologic Surgeon NAMS Certified Menopause Specialist As a mother and wife herself, her goal is to help women of all ages maintain their quality of life while keeping up with the day-to-day needs of their families and careers.
Her practice emphasizes the importance of patient education and empowerment.
to make the best possible decisions for themselves and their bodies.
Her areas of expertise include endometriosis, fibroids, chronic pelvic pain, laparoscopy, polycystic ovary syndrome, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
Those are hard words to say, right?
We had a great chat though.
We talk a lot about lube and I was really interested in talking about the types of lube that she has and she has this amazing deal for us for purchasing the amazing lube that is so nice to your pussy, so nice to your vagina.
Down in the podcast show notes will be the links to HelloPlayground.com where you can use the code FCKYEA, Fck Yeah, for 15% off your first order.
As their Chief Medical Advisor, Playground will feature an “ask shyama” blog in the fall!
Get the lube that was made for women by women meant to be nice to your vagina.
So check down in the podcast show notes through Playground.
They have these amazing formulated lubes that will not hurt women.
It will only make it work well.
So these particular lubes were made for women by women.
So also in purchasing them, you get to support other women entrepreneurs, which is
always what I like to do so if you want to be nice to your pussy even if you don't have pain during sex there are things you can do to help it be better for you better for your pussy better for your vagina be nice to your vagina she said that during the interview so like that is just I love that sentence be nice to your vagina and she's gonna show us how stay tuned also want a quick mention that I want to thank my sponsors Manscaped you can get
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Get ready for sexy times with manscaping products and enjoy times enjoy your life with Kiru Sex Toys Ruan Willow 10 if you use that code on their website you get 10% off and they have amazing sex toys for men and women and they're up for some awards so check out their stuff oh yeah
and then I have a couple of books out I'm going to mention real quick Neighborhood Sex Secrets is my big novel that just released and also Decadent Erotica is an audiobook I just released of 10 stories that I narrated with three other men with very sexy voices so check that out and she dominated him out of his speeding tickets another audiobook I narrated with another man another podcaster
And so check that out as well.
And the Limo Sex Challenge is my fifth book in the Sex Challenge series, which will be five books of six.
I'm almost to the end of that series.
That is about to release in September.
Okay, we're gonna get into this.
Are you ready?
It was such a great chat.
I loved the girl chat we had about sex and sexuality and women's bodies and how we can make it better.
how we can maintain it and how if there are problems what can be done to make it better because we should be enjoying our sexuality we're alive now is the time to enjoy your body don't put that on the back burner saying it doesn't matter sexual health matters to your mental health and you can enjoy your life so much more if you enjoy your sexuality and she has tips for how to do it okay are you ready let's go
I'm so excited to talk to this person because she talks about one of my favorite topics, women, which is obviously I'm a woman.
I love to talk about women and women's health and sexual health.
And we're going to learn all she has to say.
I'm really excited to talk with her.
Her name is Dr. Shyama Mathews.
Thank you so much for having me Ruan.
I'm so excited to talk with you and I'm so curious to what you do like do you do actually see patients or do you do in research or what what area are you in?
I actually see patients.
So I have a clinical practice.
I see patients in the office and I focus on sort of all aspects of women's health.
So I'm a gynecologist.
I don't do obstetrics, so I don't do the sort of baby delivering part, but I do everything else from pap smears to birth control to menopause, chronic pelvic pain.
And then I'm also a minimally invasive GYN surgeon.
So I do robotic surgery for things like endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts, things like that.
And all of these things affect women's well-being, mental health and sexuality.
Yes, very much so.
So I do spend quite a bit of my time and practice focusing on those aspects too, particularly the sexual wellness piece.
Yeah I feel like there's a lot of women out there struggling with that and it just seems like there's just so much to learn but there's so much help out there too I feel like.
Do you think that's one of the most you know area that a lot of women have troubles with or is it the others more so that you mentioned?
Well it's probably all of them.
All the conditions that I mentioned are pretty common you know sort of
That's kind of unexpected that how common these things are.
But the common vein of them is how it affects sexual wellness, that I feel like that doesn't really get much attention.
You know, there are resources, there are things that we can do, but there's a bit of a disconnect as far as, you know, either women not knowing
that there they have options there is help out there feeling embarrassed to ask for help and then also some providers that don't feel comfortable having the discussion either because it isn't necessarily routinely part of training you kind of have to seek out some of that additional you know kind of teaching and education to really be comfortable discussing it with patients and giving them options.
Yeah, and I feel like that's kind of what's wrong with the way things are set up.
Like there isn't enough of that for women.
I almost feel like there's more for men than there is for women.
And so women don't, first of all, I don't feel comfortable.
They feel shame.
They feel like, Oh, I shouldn't talk about this.
Or even this shouldn't be as important as other things in my life.
I get that a lot.
So, you know, I often hear people say, first of all, apologize for even bringing it up during a visit or like talking about it or wanting to discuss it, or
Right embarrassment or a bit of shame admitting to it or you know when I kind of ask a little bit more in-depth questions about it a feeling like that shouldn't be something that is important to them and you know that that's why they don't they don't talk about it with their friends or with their doctors or even with their partner necessarily if they're having if they're having trouble.
Yeah and that's just devastating because I feel like you're just totally missing out on a huge part of life if you're not you know sexually well I mean it's just it's really sad to me to see how many people like I'll hear stories of women like someone just someone just actually messaged me on Instagram she's in her 60s and she heard me talking on a podcast about a sex toy and she's like I'm 60 I'm married I'm very happily married but I've never had an orgasm tell me about the sex toys you were talking about and I was like
Be Nice to Your Vagina
cultural norms whether it's you know age kind of that's another big topic you know I talked to a lot of women going through perimenopause and menopause and many of them have this impression that they are supposed to kind of let their sexuality you know diminish and die because that's part of you know aging and what and and menopause that's not that's not something that's supposed to be important to them and to not something that they should expect to you know help or improve
And so they're often left without options, even though there are so many options for managing that or treating that.
And then also things like introducing, even if you have had orgasms in the past, right?
Like our bodies change in such ways that maybe you do need to introduce different aspects, whether it's lubrication or sex toys or hormone management, whatever it might be, how you engage may need to change in order for you to reach
orgasm or climax or even have pleasure or enjoy it and that's another thing I spend a lot of time talking about
Absolutely and I think that's a really a thing like oh you know I think the consensus or the culture or whatever you want to call it society tells us that when we're in midlife sex isn't important anymore and I hear all the time when you hit menopause women no longer want sex now talk to me about that is that really is there a trend in that what are the numbers show is that just so yeah I would say more often than not many women will say that their libido diminishes or they are struggling with their libido as they get older and into menopause
Not everyone, some women actually feel the opposite and whether it's sort of less, they feel less inhibited or they feel a little more free or they feel a little more confident in who they are themselves.
They may actually feel the opposite where they see their libido, you know, skyrocket, which is awesome.
But yes, you're right.
Many get told that this is sort of just their Latin life.
Hey, you're, you know, you've reached that mark.
There's nothing more to do, but that's not true.
One of the biggest factors affecting libido as we age is because of the hormone changes and the loss of estrogen, vaginal dryness is a huge factor.
And it's not talked about enough.
We have tons of options, whether they are hormonal or non-hormonal to treat it.
And that is kind of, I think one of the direct relationships because if sex is painful or uncomfortable, why would you want to have sex?
And then you have that loss of interest.
And therefore you make that like a self fulfilling prophecy that have low libido.
So that's usually the first thing that we target, though it often is more complicated than that.
And there are many other aspects that need to be addressed, whether it's mental or physical or, you know, psychological.
But that vaginal dryness discomfort piece is something that we can, you know, almost instantly fix.
And to even just taking that off the table and introducing that concept of, Hey, you know, we can work on this.
We can actually pay attention to this and sets them on that course.
To even just alert into this is important and this may get you back interested in it.
Cause yeah, nobody wants to do something that's uncomfortable or painful.
That's just, that's not human nature.
We don't want to do that.
So is it generally a medication or do you lube or what are the things you usually tell people in dealing with that?
There's a whole list of things.
I'm actually the chief medical advisor for a product called Playground that focuses on sexual wellness and women's health and has lubricants that are available for women and these are sort of
What kind of drew me to being involved with this company was that the products that are well designed for women in such a way that it helps maintain the health of their vagina and vulva without irritating without, you know, leading to imbalances of the pH
and still being sort of a comfortable product to use without making it sticky or gross, right?
So sort of focusing on the aspects of lubricant that are important to women, which was kind of new to the concept, right?
Because traditionally, that's not what it was really for.
So, you know, just being involved in something designed by women for women really, like, was exciting and fun for me.
So just even talking, having that conversation that, hey, lube's important, use it, doesn't matter what age you are,
If you're finding that sex is uncomfortable or there's dryness or something that's making it pleasant, right?
Or even just, hey, are you having recurrent UTIs after sex potentially?
Or are you having vaginal infections after sex?
Like what's going on?
Because that can often be a factor of lubrication and moisture, which can be easily corrected with something like a good lube.
So there's that.
There's also some products that are vaginal moisturizers.
These are also non-hormonal, but focus on balancing the pH of the vagina.
which is very important because that's one of the things that changes as we age and may at different points in our life too and sometimes even for women that are on other hormones like birth control pills for example they struggle with dryness because of a ph imbalance and so kind of restoring the ph of the vagina really helps maintain that moisture and comfort and then hormonally replenishing the estrogen
So, you know, if we're in a low estrogen state, for whatever reason, menopause, after having a baby, again with, you know, hormone birth control fails, whatever, replenishing a little bit of that estrogen locally to the vaginal, you know, tissue and mucosa really can improve the experience.
I think too that there is some stigma around oh you need lube like people like some people look down on that like oh I don't need lube you need lube I I heard someone talking about this once at a party and all the women were like oh I don't need lube like they were more you know kind of saying I'm more turned on than you I'm more sexual than you that kind of attitude out there is just harmful
Yeah totally I agree with that I've heard that too I just recently spoke to a woman who was saying you know she's kind of navigating these changes that's happening to her body and her partner is very like sort of disappointed or you know not excited not interested in using lubricant and she's sort of in a tough spot because she's like but I need it
And it's it's it definitely contributes to her experience and her pleasure.
And you're right.
I think there is that stigma that it's like means that something is broken or something is wrong with you.
That's like, oh, you know, a partner might feel like, oh, don't I turn you on enough to be lubricated?
And that's so not true.
It totally is just about being nice to your vagina.
Like there's nothing wrong with it.
And I'm like, I'm writing that down.
Be nice to your vagina.
A Female Empowerment Chat
Why would you say that?
It's so ridiculous.
When you put it that way, right?
Like so that's the same thing.
We need to change the conversation around it.
It's really just another way to enhance pleasure, enhance the experience.
And if it's helpful for her or helpful for that one person, it's got to be great for the partner too.
Because why wouldn't your partner want you to have the best experience possible?
I just had a weird thought.
You know how they add like flavorings to some lubes?
Is that irritating to the vagina if there's a flavoring?
Sometimes they can be.
Scents are a little bit better.
The Playground products do, a couple of them have scents, others don't.
And it really is just a matter of the balance of that formula.
The ones I really kind of tell people to steer away from are anything that's sort of like warming or stinging or you know like, I don't know, vibrating.
Like it shouldn't, it doesn't need to do those things.
How about the ones that have CBD in them?
kind of being woven into products.
There haven't been a ton of studies about, you know, the benefits of it, like, does that really help?
But, you know, the vagina is incredibly sensitive, right?
So it's, the barrier is very thin, it does absorb things well.
So you have to be mindful of that too.
It could be a good thing or it could be a not so good thing.
So, you know, kind of taking that in stride and, you know, maybe being careful with things like that, depending on how you feel with it.
It really just depends on the person, I guess.
Now you talked about providers not being up to speed.
Are there things being done in the medical community to help people get there?
Because I feel like it's just kind of doing a disservice to the patients.
I feel like there needs to be a revamp in the way that, you know, certain medical aspects are being taught, the aspects of medical education, right?
Particularly, you know, I did my training in obstetrics and gynecology.
There was a huge focus on obstetrics during that training and it really took me going for extra training and really aligning with some amazing mentors to find this focus.
This whole other side of women's health that involves everything from, you know, like I said, menopause management hormones, chronic pelvic pain, pain with sex, sexual wellness in general that doesn't really
A Female Empowerment Chat
I mean why can't we say these things?
I just think it's so bizarre and I know it's our prudish culture and it's history but it's really disturbing and it needs to change like people think talking about sex is so bad I'm like we're all here because of sex we all exist because of sex
But we're not supposed to enjoy it.
It's not supposed to be talked about.
It's only supposed to be done in the dark for a purpose and that's it.
Pleasure is not one of the purposes.
So that you're right I agree that conversation needs to change and a lot of it I think takes conversations like this and you know people talking about it and putting it out in the open stripping it of the shame and embarrassment and sort of you know darkness that it's hidden under
and people kind of empowering themselves to be positive about it and encouraged to talk about it and that doesn't need to be lewd or you know gross or insulting to others either it's just really another part of us taking care of oneself in our health and wellness that's where it needs to come in
And, you know, women paying attention to their bodies and putting themselves first instead of saying, you know, we'll just put this over here and we'll deal with that later because this is more important.
You know, I think that we need to pull that sexuality back into this is important.
All of it needs to be together, not this separation.
That's what we need to do.
And I think, yeah, you're right.
Talking about these kinds of things and putting it out there is going to help people to not ignore that part of themselves.
It's so hard to watch though to see how people do this.
Do you see any generational change?
Like are younger people better with this kind of stuff?
Or is it?
Do you see anything generational going on there?
Actually, it's kind of interesting.
I see change kind of throughout where I do see younger people being more
for Ruans Substack
Question I had earlier that I didn't ask Ed is what about the vaginal?
Is there some kind of like vaginal estrogen gel that people can do?
Yeah, so that's a prescription.
It's a cream.
It's typically a cream.
There are gels as well, but they're basically estrogen products that are local.
So they typically involve like a cream or a suppository that you place in the vagina two times a week in the evening so that it absorbs locally.
And one of the big
stigma surrounding hormone therapy is that it's bad for you that it's you know that it's unsafe that it causes cancer a lot of those studies not have not been disputed but have been looked at far far more closely to really kind of pare down what are we talking about what levels of hormone exposure are not same what combinations what methods of hormone exposure are less safe than others
And so we're starting to see that pendulum swing the other way where hormone therapy is embraced again to some degree for the right person, right?
If, as long as there are risk factors and if you're, if you're a good candidate for it, but from the vaginal formulation standpoint, it's incredibly safe.
It's actually super local and that really makes it, you know, very universal in its availability and its use.
But, and so that is something that, you know, one could discuss with their provider, with their doctor,
A Female Empowerment Chat
What was going on in the literature and the media surrounding hormone therapy.
But like I said, I'm hoping and excited to see the pendulum maybe starting to swing the other way.
The Menopause Society is actually a great resource for women that carry menopause and menopause.
They have tons of research and education that's available on their site.
and then also they have a list of providers that are certified in menopause management which is great because that's somebody who's going to be able to talk to you about all these options right and again not necessarily for everyone but could be something valuable for a person and if it's not presented to you you may never know or you may have this you know perception that it's bad or bad for you
that never gets you know visited in an office visit with a doctor.
Right because when there's a big scare because I feel like years ago there's a big scare about oh you know you take hormones you might get breast cancer like that sticks in people's brains forever and then their fear is just ginormous and they're like well no I'm not going to do that you know like you know having a sex drive or getting cancer like people look at it that way right you know
Yeah exactly and it's definitely not black and white like that at all and there's been a lot again of data that has come out since then to really review that concept that like direct
What could a person expect to be have benefits of using that?
What would they see or what would they experience?
Improvement in the moisture, improvement in the lubrication, less discomfort, less irritation.
Sometimes if there isn't lubricant, then it is, you know, kind of harsh.
and afterwards it may be painful.
And the other thing is often you may have things like UTIs or vaginal infections because that discomfort leads to pH imbalances as well.
So again, something as basic and accessible as a lubricant can help.
But for many women as they age, you kind of have to get to the source as well, which is that low estrogen component.
So if you replenish the estrogen, and I still recommend move at the time of, but
That'll kind of help the baseline, you know, tissue being a little bit more healthy.
I have a really weird question.
Does lubricant stay inside the vagina or do we actually, does it get expelled like the period blood?
Like what happens?
Most of it will basically evaporate or come out.
So it sort of just dries.
I've never had that thought in my life and I'm like, hey, what happens?
Like, you know, like it's this cave.
Does it like stay in there and hang out and like coagulate?
What is it doing there?
It comes out.
I figured it said, but so then I have a question too.
So, so say you're using lube and then you have, you know, intercoms and then you have Ucom and there's all these like different fluids in there.
Is, is the
Is the lube going to affect the pH at all or is it going to be kind of more natural just like the natural juices of our bodies?
The idea is that it should be a balanced state, right?
Like that you're not introducing anything that's throwing the pH off.
So that's the that's the beauty of a good lube.
It's not meant to change the pH, so it really shouldn't be like there's anything different or extra there.
And that's kind of the focus, you know, from the better products like Playground which I, which I particularly like.
Are there bad loops?
I know we talked about the stinging and that kind of or the burning or the burning the heat of those not being so great.
Are there other things that people should look for that are maybe not so good loops?
I mean, loops have been around for a while, right?
That have been on the market forever.
There are many brands and groups that are basically the same product, like the same base product that have just been remarketed or, you know, represented in different brands.
And many of them have components that are less natural, less pH balancing, and also more synthetics that we really shouldn't be exposed to.
We have a hard time not being exposed to just in general in our environment, but we can make better choices now with products available, right, that have really evolved.
So there are some great newer products that have those, you know, components and have taken that in mind, right?
How much of women's health is the problem is products that have been presented or available to us did not really think about what is good for our bodies, you know, what is better for the environment for our, you know, natural environment compared to, you know, smelling nice or looking nice or whatever, like a cheaper to make.
So really the focuses of that really need to be sort of questioned.
I think that when you have a product that's upfront about it, right off the bat, you know that they thought about this, that they can stand behind their formula, you know, that it is unique compared to what else is out there.
That's really what drew me to being involved with something like this because that is different.
So then that brought up two more questions for me.
What about silicone lube?
And what about people using massage oil as lube?
I wouldn't necessarily use the Masada as lube.
Also one, you have to be careful with regards to condoms as well when it's oil based.
So from a protection standpoint, silicone is okay.
There again, certain formulations that may be better than others.
So you have to be careful from that perspective, but yeah, oils, they, you know, they tend to, again, be not meant to keep that pH in balance.
So you have to be careful about that.
and then also you know how they can hold on to and trap their germs.
Skin Salve, things like that that you don't necessarily want around that area.
So massage oils are great.
Have fun with those.
I wouldn't use two for one kind of product use there.
Because I think I've seen products like that.
Let's say like, you know, you know, lube or massage oil together like a dual product or something, you know, it gives people the wrong impression that they should be putting that into their vagina.
Yeah, I don't know about in.
Right, maybe on the outside, maybe.
So do you ever find yourself recommending sex toys to patients?
Oh you do?
What do you usually recommend?
So that just varies as far as like what a person might be interested in.
Most of the time I'm just broaching the topic as a hey consider this.
A Female Empowerment Chat
I often think that that part of it is is missed too like a partner one can't read your mind two they often don't know what they're doing they may think they're fantastic like again each person is unique and works for one person isn't necessarily the same right so you know you being able to to kind of guide that experience a little bit really helps so from that perspective yeah I bring that up
Absolutely and I think you know I've even heard people some women being scared of them like it's going to damage them or it lost or something like this you know like there's also like a stigma around it too like you're some kind of sexual deviant for wanting to use sex toys like
That's not the case.
Exactly and I think it's we can't tell someone what we enjoy if we first of all don't even know it we need to find out first.
Yeah I'll have to tell you one of my favorite referral stories I got was a patient who came to see me who told who admitted that she got my name because she was in a store shopping for a sex toy got into a conversation with the person who worked there about the toys who recommended that she come see me.
Oh wow, that's cool!
I thought that was fabulous.
I was like, that's amazing on so many levels.
That your name is out there, that someone's saying that, that's totally awesome.
And then she actually did it, right?
And she did, she came and she was like, this is gonna sound really weird but I'm gonna tell you how I got your name.
That's really cool.
That's really cool.
And you know, and it's really cool to you coming on these podcasts like this.
It advertises for people like you and that people like you if they can find someone, you know, like I really saw the vaginal estrogen on Instagram.
Like I saw people talking about it on Instagram.
I never heard of it, you know, like I had no idea.
Yeah and I think you know I started doing talks like this and kind of getting involved through Playground but then also kind of before too when I was branching out my practice as well and for me it was it was kind of amazing how much misinformation there was and how little good information there is and for me honestly it's not really even about like self-promotion in some ways for me I just love educating I love being able to talk about this and not only that I mean you know I
I can only really help my area, but from a perspective of encouraging people to ask these questions and seek out providers that are open to discussing these things and value these parts of, you know, women's health and sexual wellness, like that that's not an unheard thing.
Like that's not an embarrassing or shameful thing to bring up at your doctor's office.
And that is often a good sort of litmus test for, is this a good fit for me?
Like from a provider standpoint, right?
Like, can I talk about this openly without feeling
Be Nice to Your Vagina with Dr Shyama Mathews
because society kind of teaches us to dismiss sexuality especially as women you know it's like it doesn't really matter this stuff matters more you know like you know and then all the roles we have like you know so all the other roles are more important than you know your pleasure you know like it's just it's shoved off yeah yeah correct yeah I think and I think you know when it comes to sexual wellness that's another piece of the puzzle too you know so from a GYN standpoint I often do focus and I'm able to help from from the perspective of
the physical and you know recommending things like lubricant or vaginal estrogen or whatever but there's also the other side of it where I actually just have a conversation of make this a priority if this is important to you like hey it's okay to make this a priority it doesn't need to be at the bottom of your like ridiculous to-do list which we all have right in every hat we wear in our lives whether it's you know whoever we are for the other people in our lives women really do
Like take care of everyone else before they take care of themselves.
And their sexual health often doesn't make the list.
It doesn't make the list.
It was way, way, way down.
Like it's like right down there.
It's maybe a run.
And when it's that low on the list, and you have all these other things on your mind, you can't really enjoy it in the moment and really, you know, be present during, you know, intimacy with your partner on your own, taking that time for yourself, whatever it is,
A Female Empowerment Chat
You can't have that if you are, you know, checking off like, oh, did I take this to the dry cleaner?
Did I pick this up?
Oh, I forgot to put that on the grocery list and whatever else is going on.
Oh, I have to get this email off before, you know, bedtime for work.
Like, I mean, all these things that we are constantly on the go with.
I was having a really interesting discussion with someone recently and it was about the difference between peak of arousal and actual orgasm.
Do you know the difference between what's the difference between those two in your opinion?
I always sort of picture there's like a chart that comes to mind that you learn as far as like again how arousal and then how arousal peaks and then sort of transcends into orgasm.
And so actually that's an that's an interesting topic that
I recently commented on for another talk or article, I forget what it was, but was just that, you know, not every act needs to necessarily end in climax for it to be pleasurable, right?
So if you can really embrace that arousal and reach that peak, it may not necessarily transcend into orgasm.
Hopefully it does.
And hopefully it does from time to time, but that doesn't necessarily need to be the only thing that happens for it to be a, you know, positive experience and, you know, a healthy experience.
So from that perspective I think there yeah there are small differences and I think for for women particularly kind of focusing on that is important.
It's really funny I think for certain partners like unless you orgasm like it just doesn't count and that's not necessarily true.
A Female Empowerment Chat
A Female Empowerment Chat
Right exactly there's there's you know opportunity for it to be connection and intimate you know in that with your partner without that being part of it so there's there's so many aspects to it but I think that that's also why it's important for us to think of it as a positive thing.
Do you run into some patients that you suggest sex toys to that their partner is like no way that
I've had patients be wary of introducing the idea to their partner.
Like that's not an unusual sentiment, the same way that I said, you know, that the person who was apprehensive about even introducing the idea of lube.
In some ways, I almost encourage them to explore it on their own a little bit too.
And if they, you know, as they become comfortable with it, I think they can kind of build the confidence of how to broach the topic with their partner.
and introduce it into play and it doesn't necessarily have to be the only thing they do it could not necessarily every time but you know kind of making it part of the part of the experience from time to time can make the partner a little more comfortable too.
Is there anything we haven't talked about yet or something that you think is really important of piece of education for women that we haven't talked about yet?
Like I you know, I don't know the scope of your practice.
So yeah, so what is there?
Yeah, one of the things that really, you know, we touched on it with dryness and discomfort with sex, but really something that I think needs to be
Just truth, we were saying before about pleasurable is the pain piece.
Like that sex shouldn't be painful.
It's amazing to me how many women will power through or push through even though it's painful because they're expected to or they have a concept is that if it's painful that that's not abnormal that that is just their age or whatever or something going on
but it's not something that can be corrected or helped or something that deserves to be paid attention to and focused on like, hey, why is this painful?
Like what's going on?
That I think is a huge, you know, area misinformation and disconnect.
And I spend a lot of time working with patients who have chronic pelvic pain for various reasons, a lot of other GYN medical conditions, other medical conditions in general or GYN conditions, either one,
often can translate to pelvic pain and pain with sex and that can be right off the bat meaning never being able to have you know like never having had a non-painful sexual experience and therefore then some for some people that translates to not being able to have you know penetrative intercourse and then for other women where sex was fine but then something happened or something was going on that that changed for them.
um so so for me i think that is that's an important question that i always ask you know is sex painful or uncomfortable for you for any reason and you know that often dives us into another conversation as to what's going on there i work very closely with many amazing pelvic floor physical therapists and they are incredible humans and i will tell you it's a very
experienced but small subset of physical therapy they too have to kind of seek out special training and mentorship to really be you know the best at that craft and at that specialty and being able to really provide a safe space and real benefit to their patients so I've got I've been very lucky to find some amazing practices near me and there are throughout the country great pelvic floor PTs
that are unfortunately just underutilized because, you know, many people, one, don't have no idea.
So pelvic floor physical therapy is basically it's physical therapy and therapists that focus on pelvic health.
So pelvic floor dysfunction and the pelvic floor, the network of muscle that surround our bladder, vagina, and our rectum and bowel.
So it's kind of that whole kind of ball that sits between your hips, right?
And that network of muscle is incredibly important
For all of those functions, whether it's sex or peeing or having bowel movements, but it can also affect back pain, abdominal core strength, breathing, and even, you know, pain that radiates down the legs.
So it really is sort of a central connector for our whole body.
And we don't know enough about it.
We're definitely not educated in it.
And we have these amazing resources, these therapists that really work with patients that have issues from tightness and pain of those muscles, all the way to weakness and you know, dysfunction of those muscles.
So there's this whole area that I am, you know, particularly interested in because when I can connect people
to the right PTs and I can tell you the majority of them come back and tell me, literally all of them, pelvic floor PT changed my life.
Like how many times does something like that come out of someone's mouth for something uniformly across the board?
How many of them feel like that changed their life, that they learned so much about their bodies, that they, you know, they really had benefit, whether it's reducing pain or changing their, you know, functions, like whatever it might be that they were focusing on.
It's just transformative which is incredible.
And that's another area like I actually my history I used to I worked as a nurse years ago and I did not even know that pelvic floor physical therapy existed until again I saw it on Instagram and I'm like this is a whole thing and I see the same thing too people just talk about how it changes their lives they don't you know instead of going to a medication they're doing that I mean that's just and sometimes avoiding surgery yeah
Like there's so many aspects to it and there you know women again I say this women will put up with so much they will suffer so much before you know, they're almost debilitated before they're looking or seeking for help and You know, there's there are sometimes things that you can do for yourself that yes, it takes a little work It takes a little bit of commitment, but it can really change your life and it can really you know Take away pain something that you're willing to live with or put up with
and how much that impacts relationships in your life in so many ways that they can help you bridge that.
And so I think, yes, I think it's an incredible thing.
I feel like more, again, here's that disconnect, more providers, more physicians and nurse practitioners and nurses should be aware of it and educated so that they can offer it as an option.
And I think that's where there is that disconnect.
And again, I was lucky to have mentors that knew all of this to teach me.
So I could kind of put it forward, but, but yeah, I absolutely, I think one of the things I do value about social media for all its negativities is, you know, when, when you can find good education and information about stuff like this.
And even, you know, just a post of one thing and be like, it could spark someone's thoughts like, wait, I have that, or what does this mean?
You know what I mean?
And then they'll start to investigate.
So yes, it has a lot of bad stuff with it, but that kind of stuff is really good.
And it brings an awareness to people that maybe would have never otherwise even heard of it.
Yeah, many times I'm explaining it to a patient and they're like, kind of looking at me like, are you sure about that?
I've never heard of that.
And I'm like, no, I'm telling you, I swear by it.
It's another thing classically that has been totally ignored by medicine.
I mean, everybody knows about physical therapy for your back, for your arms, for your hand or your shoulders.
I mean, you know, your legs, but people don't realize because it's been ignored.
I feel like it's not totally.
Ah, frustrating, right?
But you know, again, I value podcasts like this and you know, social media posts and bloggers and people that kind of talk about this and bring awareness and are kind of their main goal is to educate and to empower women to ask the right questions and really kind of take ownership of their health and advocate for themselves, which is sort of important when it comes to just how our society is about women.
Absolutely so important.
So I'm really glad I can put this out to the world.
This has been an amazing discussion, but where can people find you to find out more information?
So my own website is drmathewsuin.com, which is also my Instagram handle.
And then I'm also present again, I mentioned before that I'm the chief medical advisor for Playground.
And they're actually going to start featuring and ask Shyama
blog that we're launching in the fall, which will be really great.
So that'll be kind of, you know, hot topics surrounding sexual wellness and women's health in general.
So I'll be answering questions there and kind of posting responses, you know, on a regular basis.
So that'll be kind of cool.
Well, I'll put your links down in the podcast show notes so everybody can find you.
And thank you so much for sharing all of that.
That's so important.
You are so welcome.
Actually also just so that you know, there will be a
discount code that you'll be able to pass on to your listeners for Playground.
So we'll include that too, I think.
Everybody check that out.
Thank you so much.
You have an amazing day.
Thank you so much for listening to that again.
Don't forget to get the advantage of the playground So you can use this code FCKYEA as in fuck.
Yeah, so FCK.
This is all caps YEA FCKYEA for 15% off your first order and
Ask Shyama blog launches soon so check that out and all of her links are down in the podcast show notes on instagram she is drmathewsgyn and again that's be down in the podcast show notes but it's drmathewsgyn
So she has help there are ways that she can help you even if you're not in her area like she said there are some there's a list of providers that are more open to talking about sexuality issues with women so you can see if you can find one in your area
who is open to these kinds of things and will help you do not suffer I cannot stress that enough do not suffer make sure you enjoy your sexuality your sensuality and you know we're alive enjoy it now don't put it on the back burner don't say it doesn't matter because it does and you have healing ability where you can get stress relief and enjoy your body through orgasms natural
These are like natural stress relievers, right?
Orgasms are natural stress relievers.
They make you feel amazing.
They make your organs be healthy, get some blood flow down there.
Just make you feel awesome.
So don't ignore your sexuality.
And if you're listening to this and you're a man, you fckin rock.
And you have a woman in your life who is like this, who is not paying attention to her sexuality, you can help her out.
However, listen to this episode.
Down in the podcast show notes will be the links to helloplayground.com where you can use the code fckyea for 15% off your first order.
Get the lube that was made for women by women meant to be nice to your vagina.
And all of my links are down in this podcast show notes as well.
So you can find all my books that I have just released.
And if you like my show, give me a review.
It really helps me out.
And give me a rating.
Give me a review.
Give me a follow.
I love to hear your thoughts.
and thank you so much for listening and have an amazing sexy fcking day enjoy your body baby you are giving it enjoy it oh fck yeah
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