Tantric Wisdom Unleashed: Leah Piper on Transforming Your Sex Life

Ep 362: Learn to Use Your Sexual Energy with Tantric Specialist Leah Piper.  In this enlightening episode, Leah Piper delves into her personal journey with tantra, highlighting its transformative power on sexuality and relationships.  She stresses the critical role of communication and the cultivation of sexual energy to elevate pleasure and intimacy, while also offering practical tips for enhancing sexual experiences.

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- Leah recounts her transformative journey with tantra and how it reshaped her approach to sexuality.

- She underscores the pivotal role of open communication and the nurturing of sexual energy in deepening pleasure and intimacy in relationships.

- She explores the profound impact of breath on orgasmic experiences and discusses various orgasm types.

- She advocates for the exploration of fantasies and the use of erotica as tools for sexual growth and deeper connection.

- She emphasizes the importance of stillness and presence during sexual experiences to fully savor pleasure and intimacy.

Guests

Leah Piper

As a seasoned tantric yoga expert, speaker, coach, and mentor, she founded More Love Works and is a co-host of the Sex Reimagined podcast. With over two decades of experience, she is dedicated to guiding individuals and couples toward profound intimacy and assisting entrepreneurs in weaving passion into their life's work.

Action Steps

- Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your sexual desires and fantasies.

- Discover the variety of orgasms and learn to amplify pleasure through breath control.

- Dive into erotica and sensual experiences to enrich your connection and personal pleasure understanding.

- Embrace stillness and presence during sexual encounters to maximize pleasure and intimacy.

Leah Piper

Listener Challenge

I challenge you to embark on a journey of self-discovery regarding your sexual desires and fantasies. Document them, then engage in a candid and supportive dialogue with your partner. Experiment with techniques like breath control and embracing stillness to heighten your pleasure and bond.

Next Steps

Join me on the Sex Reimagined podcast for more empowering discussions on sex and sexuality. Stay connected with me for regular insights and tips on enriching pleasure and intimacy by following my Instagram and TikTok.
Website: http://www.moreloveworks.com/
Podcast: http://www.sexreimagined.com/
FREE GIFT: https://www.sexreimagined.com/opt-in

Host: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Transcript

This transcript was created by Lemonspeak ai, it has not been edited by a human so it's not 100% accurate. Please email ruanwillow@gmail.com with any questions.

Episode 362 (in all). Season 3.

Ruan Willow Hello, this is Ruan Willow with the Oh Fuck Yeah with Ruan Willow podcast. I'm super excited to talk to this person. She has an amazing array of things that she has done and I'm going to read her bio, but first of all, welcome to the Oh Fuck Yeah with Ruin Willow podcast where we talk about sex and sexuality, all things to help you have better sex with yourself, with your partner or partners and erotic affliction. So today I have Leah Piper who is, this is really cool. She's a tantric yoga, sacred sex, oh this is what she focuses on, sexual healing, positive psychology. She's a speaker, coach, mentor, and event facilitator. She's on a mission to turn love and sex from a chore into an art form. As a founder of More Love Works and co-host of the Sex Reimagined podcast, she has spent over 20 years guiding thousands to deeper intimacy. Leah believes desire thrives through creativity, not routine. With extensive background in tantric sex, so interesting, psychology and somatic therapies, she offers daring yet grounded wisdom. Leah's workshops strip away shame and invite vulnerability. Her coaching unravels knots couples thought were permanent and her mentorship helps fellow entrepreneurs infuse passion into their purpose. Whether speaking to crowds, working privately or sharing her vision online, Leah inspires people to paint outside the lines of conventional relationships. She's here to help you discover passion's true colors. I love that bio and welcome. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. You have an amazing array of things you do and a great amount of experience. You are a very fascinating person to talk to and this is going to be a great conversation. I'm really excited. Me too. So, tell me how you got started in this, first of all, like how did you, because this isn't like a conventional, you know, job in psychology or, you know, therapy. How did you get started? First of all, I would love to know that. Yeah. 

Leah Piper Yeah, that's a really great question. 

Ruan Willow I mean, I think it's a great question. I mean, I think it's a great question. I mean, I think it's a great question. 

Leah Piper It's a long story, so I'll try to keep it brief, but, you know, I grew up in a pretty 

Leah Piper religious background and felt really stifled sexually, felt like there was a lot of duplicity, there was a lot of double standards between boys and girls, and my body was waking up. I just had this feeling that this idea that sex was dirty or that sex was wrong or that our parts were these private, scary parts, it didn't align to what I felt like my experience of spirituality was. I had a faith in this higher power, and it just didn't line up for me. And I was sick of the stifling shame and this feeling of guilt that I felt like was just spoon-fed to me. And then you double down with sexual abuse in my history, and that confounded it, a lot of it. So I had two things going on. One, I wanted to be sexually expressed, sexually free, I wanted to shrug off the burden of these concepts and belief systems that felt like they were Victorian values in general. 

Ruan Willow Thank you. 

Leah Piper And then I had this need to heal. Now the healing was sort of underground. I kind of burst through the scene going, I'm going to be a sexually liberated woman. And through that process, I just thought, all I need is lovers. The relationship doesn't matter as much as me being this very liberated woman. And as a result, I was kind of wearing that as a mask because deep down, I actually really did want to be loved. I actually really did want the relationship, but I was too insecure and vulnerable to insist on love. So I kind of settled for having lovers. It was like I painted it up in the sort of picture of thinking that that's what was cool. And so once I kind of started to take those masks off, I realized just how much healing I needed to do. That there was something deep inside of me that really longed for this deeper experience. So I think what drove me to Tantra at a young age was this feeling, this deep rooted truth. Like I knew there was something more to sex and I wanted to find out what it was. And Tantra ended up answering that prayer for me. 

Ruan Willow Oh, that's so intriguing. I definitely want to talk more about that, but I always say this to my podcast. It's like, we were given these organs for a reason, not to not use them, not to not enjoy them. Like, you know, people, you know, you're not given taste buds to not taste food. That's ridiculous. 

Leah Piper Right? 

Ruan Willow Right. Right. 

Leah Piper Yeah. 

Ruan Willow You know, like we're supposed to enjoy our sexual organs and it's horrible that our society, 

Ruan Willow our culture, at least in the United States, I know other parts of the world too, but they have put this horrible thing on sex. And it just kind of ruined it. 

Leah Piper Yeah, I think what's really sad about that is because we have shamed sex and we've made sex appear to be dangerous and something to be afraid of because it can get you in trouble and it can also harm you. And it's not that there aren't elements of that that are true, right? But that's the shadow side. That's not the predominant experience of sex. And so what that does is it ends up suppressing our natural healthy urges. And through that suppression, people then act out and they actually do more dangerous things and more hurtful things to themselves and others. Instead of having this more sex positive outlook where we celebrate pleasure, we see and recognize that pleasure is actually really healthy for us. It actually has been proven scientifically to increase our longevity, to show that our life satisfaction scores are much higher when we have a healthy perspective towards sexuality. And when that gets suppressed or twisted, you know, it just points to where we're still sick in our society. 

Ruan Willow Right. And it's just crazy to me that we all just get stuck in that, but, you know, we're, we're kind of force fed it through our culture, you know, it's not the, we'll talk about pleasure with eating a strawberry or getting a massage or going on a walk outside, but anytime you remotely get to a sexual topic for pleasure, people freak out, freeze out, or they think you're a freak. Yeah. 

Leah Piper they end up having an internal sensation that makes them feel something negative. And then that negative sensation either gets projected outside of themselves where it's like they shame, blame, or judge, or they feel icky about themselves. And I do think things are changing. I think with our generation, I think we definitely had an easier path forward than, let's say, our parents' generation and certainly our grandparents' generation. So I do see us moving forward in a positive way. I mean, we're talking about sex like we've never talked about sex in our culture before. 

Ruan Willow That's true. 

Leah Piper And now people are getting more and more comfortable with even kinkier sex. So I feel like the conversation at the table is changing, but you know, I've been on the West Coast for so long, sometimes I feel a little out of touch. Like is it changing in middle America or am I just like, I bounce back and forth from each coast. So it's like New York, California, everything's pretty cool now. And I grew up in Michigan, so I'm a Midwestern girl at heart. 

Ruan Willow I'm a midw- 

Leah Piper There's still a part of me that's actually very shy and also can get, um, you know, who likes to be covered up, you know? So I don't know. I, I, sometimes it's like these two different parts of oneself. The one that is still that little Michigan girl, and then the one that's totally this California woman. So what do you think? 

Ruan Willow You 

Leah Piper What's your experience? Do you feel like we're progressing? I do. 

Ruan Willow I do, but I know I do, but I do know exactly what you're saying 

Leah Piper Yes. 

Ruan Willow because I am in middle America. I'm in the Midwest. And so I always say with all of my views and stuff, I should have been born on a coast because both of the coasts are way more relaxed and way more open and everything, the way I always see it is stuff starts out there and it percolates slowly into middle America and the middle, uh, Midwest heartland strip. So we are behind you all on both coasts. I can guarantee you that. And people who are maybe more kinky or whatever, it's more hidden here. So I think things are getting better, but you know, and so I do feel good that it's more open on the coast because I know as with everything else, it's slowly percolates in. So it will get better here too. 

Leah Piper Yeah, it will. 

Ruan Willow Yeah, it will. 

Leah Piper Yeah. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. Yeah. 

Leah Piper Yeah. 

Ruan Willow So I know what you're saying. Yeah, I have a real dream, you know, I sort of started this path, you know, studying this ancient wisdom school of information and it's like these 5,000 years ago, they were really sorting it out, how to have a deep, meaningful experience of sexuality that wasn't so repressed and it had a more spiritual theme versus sort of our Judeo-Christian society that has got more of a negative theme and that's what attracted me to it, it was like, well, here's a spiritual system that's not saying sex bad, sex wrong, it was let's elevate it, let's experience sex as an art form, let's study it, let's learn about ourselves, let's ascend, let's transcend sex so that an orgasm can be a transcending experience where you feel a sense of oneness and wonder and awe and that was like, oh, I want that please and that wasn't taught 

Ruan Willow Um, and that was 

Leah Piper in my very religious home but I felt like it was like on point and so but it's got all 

Ruan Willow So. Yes. 

Leah Piper these different Sanskrit language and it's connected to yoga and so it's got all this Eastern stuff that I think for some people, if they haven't been exposed to that much, feel a little uncomfortable, like when I tell people I'm an advanced tantra educator or whatever, they're kind of lean in like, well, that sounds cool, what's tantra but at the same time, they're like, but it's good for you but it's probably not for me, isn't that 

Ruan Willow Isn't that a religion or something? 

Leah Piper a religion or something and I'm like, no, it's not a religion, yeah, so back to like this deep desire inside coming from the Midwest, I really do want to bring it back to the Midwest, I would love to see my aunts and uncles and cousins be nurtured and nourished through this deep study of love but I think it's going to take a new way of languaging the information so that people can hear it who, you know, are more mainstream, as my sister would say, the muggles. 

Ruan Willow I interviewed somebody recently who, who pointed out that yoga was originally really targeted. 

Leah Piper True, true, true. 

Ruan Willow I don't know if this is what you found, but it was more meant to like explore your body and actually to help you have better sex with your partner and just be more healthy. America has turned it into an exercise routine and have nothing to do with sex. 

Leah Piper Right. It's very much a fitness path nowadays. And that's okay. That's good. It's exposing a lot of people to something that's really mindful and connected to the breath. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper But wouldn't it be wonderful for them to understand that what you're doing in a yoga class will dramatically affect what you experience in the bedroom? Because tantra is called tantra yoga. It's actually a yoga. And there's two different limbs to tantra. There's white tantra, which is considered your solo practice. That would be your yoga practice. That would be your meditation. That would be your breathing. That would be your prayer. That would be all these meditative paths. And basically, all those things, no matter the yogic tradition, they all have those things in common. And basically, what it's saying is, let's get ahead on the God game. Let's go so deep into our body. Let's also be in the subtle body, where we start to feel the energy that is the life force energy that is circulating in our system. And let's play in that playground and see where we can go spiritually. But when you apply that same principle to sexuality, then you get to go there with your lover. And so that's why people... And that's why tantra is so famous for these epic orgasms that people talk about. These hours of lovemaking, because it gives you enema. It quadruples the length and the power of your orgasms. It helps you separate for men, helps you separate tiring ejaculations from orgasms so that a man can be multi-orgasmic. And for women, it shows them these multitudes of orgasmic sensation. And science now shows us that that phenomenon is actually different types of nerves that are firing in the brain. So there are four major nerves that they know of right now that they can determine give women and men different types of orgasm. So a plural orgasm feels differently than a vaginal orgasm. And a vaginal orgasm feels differently than an anal orgasm. And then there's the vagus nerve, and that has to do with a heartgasm where people tend to be so moved they cry. And there's different 

Ruan Willow There's 

Leah Piper ways to achieve all those. And then once you know where they are, and then how to activate them, and then how to experience them by utilizing your breath more profoundly, then you can layer them. So it's like that anal orgasm is the hypogastric nerve. And that vaginal orgasm is the pelvic nerve. And that clitoral orgasm is the pudental nerve. And then the vagus orgasm is this only nerve that runs up the front of the body versus the spine. And then it's like you're eating a four-layer cake of orgasm. You're no longer just settling for that sneeze in the groin. You are 

Ruan Willow You're no longer- 

Leah Piper going. 

Ruan Willow Go away. That's fascinating. That sounds wonderful. It's like a multi-course, uh, orgasm sex session. 

Leah Piper It is! It really, really. 

Ruan Willow It really, really is. I have a question that I just thought of as you're saying that. So if people feel like they have an easier orgasm in one of those areas, do you think it's just, they don't understand the other areas or don't know how to activate them as well? Or do you think people actually have kind of like a, a dominant part that would give them the stronger orgasms? 

Leah Piper Great question. I don't think it's an either or, I think it's an and. I think both are true. And for different bodies, I think for some of us it's like, well, no one's ever pointed out that we can have an anal orgasm. No one's pointed out that if we make sound, it activates the heart and gives us a whole nother type of orgasm. So I think a lot of it is lack of education. And then also not knowing how to activate those things through technique. Like how do you find it? How do you 

Ruan Willow You know, how do you find the... 

Leah Piper find the G spot? How do you find the cervix so you can have a cervical orgasm? And then if you're going to go towards the ass, like how exactly does that work? I mean, you know, anal pleasure 

Ruan Willow I mean, um, 

Leah Piper has been considered this kink and this taboo for so long. But 

Ruan Willow Oh, for sure. 

Leah Piper It's finally starting to come online. Like, Hey, this is a whole nother pleasure center in the body. And I'm sorry, 5 million gay guys can't be wrong. There's something special up your ass and it's not gender specific. And yes, it takes skill and it takes, you know, overcoming some fear. Cause some people feel very apprehensive. 

Ruan Willow Thank you. 

Leah Piper Is it going to hurt? Is it going to be gross? You know, all sorts of stuff. So, yeah, education is- Oh, for sure. 

Ruan Willow time. Yeah, for sure. I think that's a total thing, especially the, the taboo and just how our culture just kind of views going to the bathroom. Like it's, you know, that area, you know, like this is a total biological function and why do we have to consider it gross? If we didn't do it, we would die. 

Leah Piper Right. And yes, it's okay to hear about anal sex for the first time and have an aversion to it because people there, you know, so it's like, it's also like normal to be very confused about it, 

Ruan Willow there, you know? So it's like, it's also... 

Leah Piper but it's also normal to be secretly attracted to it. It's also normal to go. Wow. Like that's a real thing. I remember when I first heard about anal sex and any kind of anal penetration, I was freaked the fuck out. Can I put a sign here? 

Ruan Willow Can I curse? Oh, yeah. On here? Oh, absolutely. 

Leah Piper Oh, absolutely! 

Ruan Willow I have fucking my name, so yeah. 

Leah Piper Okay. 

Ruan Willow Okay, okay, okay, great, great. 

Leah Piper Okay. 

Ruan Willow Oh, fuck yeah. 

Leah Piper Okay. 

Ruan Willow Okay, great. 

Leah Piper Right. 

Ruan Willow Well, no wonder myself. 

Leah Piper Right. 

Ruan Willow I suppose. 

Leah Piper Oh, fuck. 

Ruan Willow I suppose. 

Leah Piper Yeah. 

Leah Piper Okay. Great. 

Ruan Willow You know, yeah. 

Leah Piper Well, no wonder I subconsciously was like, I'm just probably fine. Um, but, uh, you know, it, it was quite a hurdle for me, you know, I didn't know that 

Leah Piper my visceral reaction to the idea of someone putting a finger up my butt and, and the negative association I had with that was because I had been abused there as a little kid. 

Ruan Willow And so 

Leah Piper And so like, it took, you know, a number of years before that memory came back when 

Ruan Willow What I- 

Leah Piper I decided, you know, what if I looked at this whole thing differently? What if this was actually a path to awakening, not only pleasure. And if I have such a really like an out, almost like, um, you know, when you have a reaction that seems like an overreaction, like there's gotta be something underneath, you know, that is making this a really overreactive response. And so I got really curious about what was that like, but I'll tell you, I probably wouldn't have gone deeper into my exploration at that time in my life if it hadn't been for really cool women that had a high regard for, who legitimized that they loved anal sex and it was one of the most orgasmic places in their body. And I was like, what? For real? 

Ruan Willow Bye! 

Leah Piper Like that's even possible? You know, I just, I didn't know that that was possible. 

Ruan Willow You know. 

Leah Piper And then I was like, well, shit, if they can have an anal orgasm, I am going to figure this out. I will not be left behind. 

Ruan Willow not be left behind. 

Leah Piper And so, and then, so I'm really glad that I did. I'm really glad that I did it. And, uh, because it's, it wasn't just. you know, some of the top three orgasms I've ever had in my life have been due to conscious anal connection, but the healing that was waiting for me there was so profound, you 

Ruan Willow was so profound, you know, because I. 

Leah Piper know, because I don't, I only think that's a conversation that's left off the table quite a bit is this whole sexual healing phenomenon that when you're really with a loving, conscious, present partner, we can unpack a lot of stuff therapeutically that doesn't require a psychologist or ten years of therapy. We can actually move through it extremely fast and then we feel free. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. And I know, I know people who have thought like, originally thought that anal sex was just for men, like that the women would have no pleasure. 

Leah Piper and would have no pleasure, right? 

Ruan Willow Right. So then there's that bad feeling too, we're like, well, that's not even going to feel good to me. Why would I do that? And so I think that a lot of women do shut down to it because they have that perception. But if other women are talking about it and be like, no, I love that. Then they can see that maybe there is pleasure for the woman. It's not just for the person. 

Leah Piper Right. I was shocked. I had no idea women liked it. I was so naive. I just thought, 

Ruan Willow Right. 

Leah Piper for real? I mean, is that even? I thought it was just a lie. I thought it was a lie perpetuated by porn. 

Ruan Willow Right. Well, cause there's a lot of stuff that is in porn that is a lie cause it's basically entertainment. I mean, I think you can, I think you can learn some from porn, but it's basically entertainment. 

Leah Piper Yeah, I agree. I don't, I don't encourage people to use porn to be their sex education on any level, but it is, it can be very entertaining. It can be very stimulating and you can pick up a few things. Yeah. And you get ideas possibly even, you know? Yeah. 

Ruan Willow And you get ideas, possibly, even. 

Leah Piper Yeah. But, but most of the sex you see on porn is not really the kind of sex women want, because most pen, most porn is designed for, to stimulate the male brain. Now I can get off to porn, you know? Yeah. Oh yeah. Me too. As much as anybody else can, but there is, 

Ruan Willow Yeah, oh yeah, me too. 

Leah Piper it's not necessarily the sex I want to have. Right. So, um, it's important for, it's different. 

Ruan Willow So... But it's different. It's a different experience. Yeah. Oh, totally. And I talked with somebody recently with that where a lot of young people, a lot of young men especially grew up watching porn. And so they're, they're like almost confused, you know, like they don't know how to, like, they're like, Oh, you don't like that. They look at their girlfriend and be like, Oh wait, 

Leah Piper Wait, you don't like that? You don't like jackhammer sex where I just hound into you like a piston? What do you mean? You don't like it when I shove my cock down your throat and you gag 

Ruan Willow You don't like it when I shove my cock? 

Leah Piper and nearly throw up? What do you mean? I know, right? 

Ruan Willow It's like thanks a lot you fucking horrible sex head in America. I mean you don't want me to 

Leah Piper What do you mean you don't want me to just push my cock all the way up your ass? That doesn't feel good? It's like, oh my God, you guys got to show the prep. I mean, really what I wish porn would do, honestly, I think it would be such a major service to those people who don't have access to good sex education and who are using porn to feel more secure and confident as they become sexually active. I wish that the industry would show all the prep that the actors do in order to prepare their bodies to have those experiences. 

Ruan Willow True. You know, cause there's, and then it's, some of them use numbing agents, right? 

Leah Piper There's 

Ruan Willow So like, this is, this is not going to. 

Leah Piper Very dangerous for amateurs. 

Ruan Willow Amateur 

Leah Piper You do not want to use numbing agents because you could really hurt yourself. You're not paying attention to what's actually painful. You could get a tear. You don't want to end up in the hospital. Yeah. 

Ruan Willow No, absolutely not. So I would love to find out in your work, what is one mistake that people often make when it comes to orgasms? Is there something that kind of sticks out in your brain? 

Leah Piper sticks out in your. 

Ruan Willow You 

Leah Piper Yeah. It's breath. It's people don't. So one of the things that the yogis really got right is working with breath control. And when you have more breath control, you see pleasure and energy. 

Ruan Willow Okay. 

Leah Piper So pleasure is energy. You know, when you have like a really great laugh and you are laughing 

Ruan Willow LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF 

Leah Piper your ass off, it is shaking your whole soul. Tears are streaming out of your eyes. That is energy and movement. That is orgasmic. And so in orgasm, really all it is is energy and movement. And when you feel pain, it's like, oh, my bad knee or ouch, my bad back. Like that's when energy gets stuck and it's painful. You need someone to go in there and rub that energy out, get those knots out. So we're these electromagnetic fields. We are all energy. And so if you can think about your pleasure and your pain as energy, what helps move energy is breath. And so one of the things people do is they tend to hold their breath, especially when they get close to a climax. They stick in their body. Everything gets tight. It's like they're ready to everything gets tight so it can propel the energy out. And then they do the worst thing possible in that moment. They hold their breath. 

Ruan Willow Uh, I'm guilty of doing that. Yeah. 

Leah Piper We all are. We all are. I don't know where the instinct comes from, but it's like if you, if you actually, you know, cause, and I think women struggle with this in particular, it's like, we can see the orgasm in the distance and we're so close. We are so damn close. 

Ruan Willow so damn close. We are almost 

Leah Piper We are almost through that fucking door. We're going to come and then suddenly it's gone. 

Ruan Willow program.com. Yes. 

Leah Piper And we're like, what the hell happened? I was so close. 

Ruan Willow Well? 

Leah Piper I actually have a free tutorial on my website, I'll give you guys the secret on how to quadruple the length and the power of your clitoral orgasm so that you never miss another clitoral orgasm again. And then you can learn what you're doing wrong and then you can learn the easy breathing 

Ruan Willow I'm so down. I'm so upset. I'm so down. I'm so upset. 

Leah Piper technique that helps you connect your breath so that the door always comes to you and you 

Ruan Willow I'm so upset. 

Leah Piper never have to chase it again. 

Ruan Willow Go to my 

Leah Piper Just go to my website moreloveworks.com and click on free gift and you can download the tutorial. 

Ruan Willow Oh, awesome. I'm going to check that out too. Yeah, it's life changing. 

Leah Piper Yeah, it's life-changing. So if you're a vulva owner, you need this video. Or if you love vulvas and you want to pleasure them, you need to watch this video. And then you need to tell everyone the secret because when you think about, like globally and since the beginning of time, how many clitoral orgasms have been lost, it is a tragedy. It is an epic global tragedy and we can fix it. 

Ruan Willow Totally. 

Leah Piper It is such a simple fix. 

Ruan Willow It is a tragedy. And that is so true because it's just easier for men to orgasm. And maybe they, I don't know why that is maybe because theirs is on the outside and ours is embedded. Not really sure. 

Leah Piper I think it might have something to do with testosterone. I think it has to do with the female brain and the male brain, one being estrogen loaded, the other one being testosterone loaded. And testosterone is that thing that gives us the drive. It helps us feel that sense of greater desire, need, and passion. And so I think that there's something about the amount of testosterone that is activated in the male brain that has them thinking about sex all of the time, especially at different ages and their development. And so when you're thinking about it as obsessively and as unconsciously as male brains do, it's no wonder that they're hornier. They're already on an arousal scale in a way that women aren't on an arousal scale. So one of the things I've noticed, and this is a really good tip for the listeners, if you're having struggles with feeling your libido, with getting turned on, with being orgasmic, especially with female oriented bodies, you've got to get your head in the game differently. So you have to actually start getting turned on by mentally thinking about getting excited for sexual sensations, for sexual thoughts. 

Ruan Willow you 

Leah Piper You have to prime the pump. You've got to put your mind there. And your partner can help by texting you sexy things and rubbing your booty when you're walking by the kitchen, and there's ways to goose that throughout the day. 

Ruan Willow Yes. 

Leah Piper And I always tell when I'm coaching male clients, especially if they have a female lover, and they want their partner to be more interested in sex, I'm like, you've got to romance her all day long. 

Ruan Willow Yes! 

Leah Piper This isn't something you just can't expect her to want to be sexual at the end of the night when she's freaking so tired. She's dealing with the house and raising the kids and going to work, and she's managing all the details that an estrogen loaded brain knows how to do better than a testosterone 

Ruan Willow And it's testosterone. 

Leah Piper loaded brain. We have the capacity to hold a lot of different things at the same time, and that doesn't make it easier to get in the mood. We've got these very ancient brains that are just wired differently. For women to really claim their pleasure... It's a, it can be a head game sometimes because the head can also take us right out of pleasure. If we are thinking, planning, worrying, thinking about the list, being hungry, like there's all sorts of things that can derail us from being in our body. So when I say you got to get your head in the game, I don't mean you should be in your head. 

Ruan Willow What I'm saying is you've got to. 

Leah Piper What I'm saying is you got to get your mind, you got to get your imagination. And most importantly, you've got to be connected to your senses. This is really important for women because women are more sense sensitive. So you need to think about the feeling against your skin, the smell that's in the air, the taste that's in your mouth, the light that your eyes are picking up. When you can be engaged with what are you listening to and if partners can create a little bit more of an environment, that's going to help your lover relax. It's going to help her set down the day. It's going to help her invite herself to come into her body so that her mind is connected to her body. And that way she can start to go, well, yeah, what are my fantasies? I mean, I don't know about you, Ruan, but like I would, a guy would be like, so what's your fantasy? 

Ruan Willow And I'd be like... 

Leah Piper And I'd be like, I don't fucking know. 

Ruan Willow I don't know 

Leah Piper I don't know. Why don't you try something and I'll tell you if it creeps me out or not, you know? And it really hasn't been until I got much older that I'm now connected to, oh, now I got some fantasies. But then even if you have fantasies, then you have to figure out the courage to say them out loud and to describe them to someone. And most of us are so repressed in our voice that if we already have a hard time talking about sex, talking about fantasies is just a thousand times harder. 

Ruan Willow Oh, absolutely. And I, one of my guests brought up this phrase, she said, marinate in her, in your sensuality. So I stole, I know I love that. So I stole that. And I say, marinate also in your sexuality and being an, um, erotica author and audio book narrator for me, I think one of the great ways to do it is to have her, you know, re she can read erotica. She can listen to an audio book, but you can listen to it together. But that is one way to be thinking about it, getting yourself, your brain, like you said, getting your brain in the right spot, your mind instead of, but not in your brain and you out of your brain because you're immersing yourself in the story. And then I love it. And my other thing I like to say is this, it hits your point. You just said it's a way for people and couples to explore their fantasies because they can pick a story with a fantasy that they're sort of interested in. They can listen to it and then they can say, well, what'd you think about that without saying, Hey, I want to be spanked like a school girl. You know what I mean? Like 

Leah Piper Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can say like, so what was the hottest part of that for you? Right. You know, what part got you, like what part embarrassed you the most and then what part was like, you know, you, you was really turned on by, you know, and you get curious. 

Ruan Willow in 

Leah Piper And I'm so glad you brought up erotica because erotica changed my life. I mean, it's what brought me so much deeper into my fantasy, like the richness of my fantasy life is so much deeper. My self-pleasuring is like taking on a whole new arc. I mean, it's awesome. Poetry, man. It's dirty poetry. 

Ruan Willow Thank you for watching. 

Leah Piper It is downtown dirty, dirty, dirty, and I love it. 

Ruan Willow I love it. And so... 

Leah Piper And so it's so exciting. I'm so glad that you are writing it and that you're using the audio medium to stimulate people. And I think it's a great thing for couples to engage in. You know, I heard a tip once from another erotica author. She said, you know, turn on porn, but don't watch it. A lot of women will get more turned on by listening to the porn than they will by watching 

Ruan Willow Yeah. A lot of women. Oh, yes. 

Leah Piper it. 

Ruan Willow Even though a lot of men... 

Leah Piper Even though a lot of men are going to be more turned on with the visual, women, it's like, and I think the thing that I love about erotica is you can use your imagination. So you're reading about these characters, but you can put yourself in the characters. When you're watching porn, you can't, it's much harder to look at a body that is so different 

Ruan Willow Yes. 

Leah Piper from yours and imagine that's your body. 

Ruan Willow And there's no mystery. 

Leah Piper And there's no mystery. 

Ruan Willow Because it's already set up. 

Leah Piper Because it's already set up. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Ruan Willow Right. Right. It's all there for you. You can't imagine them looking different or having a different expression because you're seeing it. Right. And it'd be hard to erase that image. You know? 

Leah Piper And again, I think for the estrogen-filled brain, it invokes the senses, erotica invokes 

Leah Piper the senses and it creates, it's got this more storytelling thing that I think just appeals 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper to the female mind. 

Ruan Willow Oh, absolutely. And I think that's why audio is so popular. 

Leah Piper You 

Ruan Willow Audiobooks and other places of audio, all these apps are appearing with erotic audio things that people can access and it's growing and for that very reason. Yeah, it's fantastic. And so that's a great way for people to like, just start somewhere. If you don't know where to start, you don't want to have the conversation talking about what your fantasies are. There's a book out there that's going to fit it. I mean, think how much erotica is, there's so much different, many different topics and sub genres within erotica. 

Leah Piper Totally. Yeah, I think it's a great place to begin a conversation and I think that communication is so important for great sex 

Ruan Willow And now for a quick word from my sponsors. Thank you, sponsors. Hello, this is Ruin Willow. I've been exploring a new app, Biyaku. It's amazing. I'm so loving it. This episode was sponsored by Biyaku. Meditations to get more from love, sex, and life. I am loving it. I am getting a free trial of this and I absolutely love it. What is it? So, Biyaku is a meditation app focused on sexual wellness. The app has dozens of courses and daily practices that are specifically designed to help you get more pleasure from love, sex, and life. The content is created by their experts with 100 plus years of cumulative experience in the fields of meditation, Kegel, breathwork, and body movement. The different collections and courses are designed to bring joy and fun into the bedroom. Boost your libido with daily meditations and exercises and encourage you to embrace a tantric way of lovemaking for a pleasure-filled sex life. They take Eastern teachings and harmonize them with a Western approach so they can be more adaptable into our modern-day relationships. These are guided audio and video practices, which you can do on your own without needing anyone or anything to practice them with. It's just you, your mind, your body, and just a couple of minutes of your day. So really, it's an app that has it all for anyone who wants to live fulfilling and satisfying sex lives. Go ahead and download the app for a free trial for seven days and see the effects for yourself. I am doing it right now and I really endorse it. I really am enjoying it. It helps me slow down and focus on my body and I love how short they are because I can do it when I don't have a lot of time or I can do it as a way of relaxing at the end of the work day and it doesn't take up a whole lot of time because obviously we're busy. We need to get on to the next thing like dinner. So I am really loving it and I think you should check it out. Get it anywhere you download your apps. So get the Biyaku app today and try it out for yourself. And now back to the show. Let's go. 

Leah Piper Yeah, I think it's a great place to begin a conversation. And I think that communication is so important for great sex. If you are, I can't communicate with your partner if you're stuck and you're not ready 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper to see an expert yet, then definitely start with, with erotica, with romance novels. Find your way into your voice because it's, it's critical. If you want to have awesome sex, you got to be able to communicate and you got to be able to be in touch with your body. You know, sex doesn't just happen to you. You are a co-creator of great sex. And so you've got to, you know, be on a path of curiosity and education and, and to like awaken this amazing thing that we're born with. My God, it's the biggest gift that bodies come into the world with is the ability for pleasure because life is shitty. Life is so hard. We have so much stress. We have terrible things that happen like war and cancer and car accidents and all this crap. And so it's like pleasure came in to renew our weary soul. I really believe that's why the creator put it in our systems. 

Ruan Willow Oh, I completely agree with you a hundred percent. I just think how I mean, and just think about how much better you feel. Any pleasure taking a shower, of course, after an orgasm. 

Leah Piper orgasm after a massage, even a good shit is pleasurable. A good sneeze is pleasurable, peeing is pleasurable. I mean, so many things are pleasurable and we have to pay attention to them and we go through life being numbed out by the little things. And so, you know, then we, I mean, if all you're waiting for is the big things, you're really missing out on some total delight. 

Ruan Willow Oh, totally. That's a good way to put it. I, you know, those are all things that I think people just don't think about, right? They just don't think about where their pleasure comes from. And it's, it's in all these small things. The feel of your socks that you love, you know, I mean, it's everywhere. 

Leah Piper You know? I mean, it's everything. 

Ruan Willow So, but what happens is, especially with sex, it gets to be, that's taboo. Oh, then, you know, they're not supposed to feel that or we get shut down even more because of shame and guilt. So we just need to open our minds up more and not let that trap us. 

Leah Piper I think the other thing is people think that sexuality is only genital oriented, like, 

Ruan Willow Like, okay, we have the 

Leah Piper okay, we have these penises and we have these pussies, and if you rub the clit, that's the only way that you're going to get off, and that's actually not true. Orgasm happens throughout the body, and there's primary erogenous zones where most people relate to primary erogenous are going to be dicks, clits, assholes, ears, and nipples. 

Ruan Willow Mm-hmm. 

Leah Piper But we actually have these secondary erogenous zones, and wherever there's a flexible joint in the body, we are laden, or a bend in the body, it's laden with nerve endings. So we've got wrists, like, look at how many flexible joints are in the fingers, and that's why we love to touch, is because it feels good to touch, because we have so many nerves in our hands, behind the knees, the ankles, the toes, the inner groin, the sides of the waist, the neck, the ears, the armpits. We've all these places where we actually have a ton of sensation. So you can have armpit gasms and neck gasms and ear gasms and heart gasms and chakra gasms 

Ruan Willow I'm such an eargasm. 

Leah Piper and third eye gasms and feet gasms, and we've got all this potential. 

Ruan Willow Awesome. 

Leah Piper But if all we think is that we just rub genitals, we are missing the boat to true sexual and sensual satisfaction. 

Ruan Willow I think that's true. And for me, a big one too is my hair. Like I love my hair being played with, you know, like, yeah, I don't know what it is. I, you know, your hair is dead, right? Your hair's dead, but it's connected to these, to the scalp and that's alive. 

Leah Piper that's alive. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite amazing. That's so true. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. That's so true. And yeah, you hear that too about people like maybe are having sex and they're not doing enough foreplay or they're, or he or she just goes straight for the clit or straight for the dick and no, that's just missing out, missing out. 

Leah Piper Yeah, another tip for the audience is like, look, if you really want to turn on, especially female bodies, you start and you go from the extremities in. And a lot of people make mistakes, they go straight to twisting their nipples. 

Ruan Willow Oh 

Leah Piper or trying to Robert Clinton. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. It starts with how you hold her hand. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper It starts with you saying something intelligent about how she looks, not just like, oh, you got great tits or your eyes are real pretty. It's, wow, that, that dress looks so smoking on you. Or wow, you are so funny. I've just bubble up in joy when I'm around you, you know, or God, your eyes and your smile, like they just light up a room. There's, and then it's like, so you're, you're opening her. Women need to open. And so oftentimes they flinch back or they contract when you're going too fast, too soon to primary vaginas zones, you know, caress her arm, feel the small of her back, caress the side of her waist, move her hair away from her neck, you know, and 

Ruan Willow Oh 

Leah Piper then caress her neck. It's like, it's the subtleties that end up opening her body. And, and if you want proof, try it both ways. Watch, is she closing or is she opening? Cause she'll lean into you. She's opening. She'll move her body. So you touch her more, or she'll kind of shrink back. She'll shift away. She'll move her body language so that you don't have as much contact. And, uh, and men typically, and I'm doing some generalizations. So of course, different times of the month, we're going to feel different things. We're going to want 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper different things for both men and women. But by and large men, it's like, yeah, you can pretty much go straight for the cock and they'll be happy. 

Ruan Willow Right, that's true 

Leah Piper Not to say they don't want a full body massage sometimes too, because they do. 

Ruan Willow What do you do if you're with a partner that doesn't want to do any of that stuff with you? Like they just either don't want to do it or they won't do it. Or you even ask and they say, no, I'm not going to do that. 

Leah Piper Yeah. So I would, it's really, you know, for me, it's, it's, it's, it's really hard to separate the rejection or the disappointment, um, of that, and then to make it about you and to attack yourself, that there's something wrong with you that they don't want to. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. Right. 

Leah Piper And so like the first thing to do is just take a few breaths and practice 

Leah Piper like, okay, that's them, it's not me. And they probably feel this way with other people from the past or who they might be with in the future. And so then it's just like, well, then you just get curious. Well, that's really interesting. What, what, what's causing the reaction or why is not doing that important to you? What, what, what comes up for you when you. you know, feel closed at the idea of, you know, rubbing my feet or holding my hand or not going straight for my breasts, you know, like, why don't you want to take more time here? And I think the 

Ruan Willow When I- 

Leah Piper typical response is it's not going to be an easy conversation for them. They may not have a fast answer. They may not know. And so they may just get flustered and frustrated and sort of feel shut down. And if you can just hold the space of not being too reactive and just allow them the space to feel a little crunchy. And even if that first conversation doesn't go well, try to have it three, four or five, six more times to see if they can come forward and be curious about themselves. And, you know, if it were me, I'm not going to hang out that long. Like I will be compassionate. I will be curious. I will suggest therapy or let's get coaching or how can I make you feel safe so you feel like you can explore this. And if I bring the support and you still say no, well, I know what I'm worth and I'm going to be with someone who wants to be engaged and having epic sex. And if that's not you, go find somebody else. 

Ruan Willow Right, but I'm not going to throw in the towel right away, you know, I'm going to work on it. 

Leah Piper But I'm not going to throw in the towel right away, you know, I'm going to work on it. And I'm going to also notice what arises in me that makes us hurt so bad. 

Ruan Willow Right. 

Leah Piper Because chances are this is picking an owie that's been there long before this partner. 

Ruan Willow Right. 

Leah Piper And so, like, ask yourself, what does this remind me of? 

Leah Piper Who does this remind me of? What are other times in my past that I have felt this hurt? 

Ruan Willow Okay. 

Leah Piper And because then you can take responsibility for going, well, this triggers me. 

Ruan Willow This is hard for me. 

Leah Piper This is hard for me. 

Ruan Willow This is what a life. 

Leah Piper This is what arises for me. When you feel that way, because it reminds me of the, you know, my dad didn't go to my basketball game, but he always went to my brother's football games, whatever the case 

Ruan Willow whatever 

Leah Piper may be. Right. It's like, and then you just get to learn more about yourself. And when you can be vulnerable, people tend to respect vulnerability as a path to greater intimacy. Um, but you know, then there's just those people who just can't look at their shit. 

Ruan Willow Yeah, there is. You can look at it. 

Leah Piper You can't look at it and you know, I feel really sorry and, and do I feel compassionate? Yeah, I do feel compassionate, but I also feel frustrated. It's like, come on, come on, what are you waiting for? Look at the little bit of hard things and you're going to find freedom, you know? 

Ruan Willow Absolutely. 

Leah Piper Absolutely. I'm like, ah, come on, it's, it's this woo stuff. I mean, it's not that bad. 

Ruan Willow Exactly. 

Leah Piper It leads you to bliss. Let's go. I know. You can't miss with bliss. 

Ruan Willow Who doesn't want bliss? I want bliss. 

Leah Piper Yeah, and we got stuff that's in front of it. So don't be afraid of your shit, man. Your shit is like, it's part of being human. So we don't take it too seriously, we get a little curious about it, we get on the other side really fast and then we just get to have more fun. 

Ruan Willow So tell me a little bit more of the Tantra. I'm so curious. Like I just know some things about it. I don't know a lot. So any, anything you'd want to share about that? I would love to just hear more. 

Leah Piper Yeah. I think, um, I think what is very compelling about it is sort of this experience of going, of like swimming in the deep end of sexuality. I think a lot of us, it feels like we don't know how to get there. We're still swimming in the shallow end, right? It's all just about getting 

Ruan Willow in the shallow end. 

Leah Piper our parts together and creating like friction. And then we hope everyone comes and, um, and then that can last for a little while in chemistry. But then if you're in a long-term relationship, our chemistry fades, our love can deepen, but the horniness and the desire to want 

Ruan Willow Mm-hmm. 

Leah Piper to rip each other's clothes off, like when you were dating the first six months that starts to go away. And that happens in any relationship and tantric relationships too. And so you have to have skills to come back and reinvigorate the brain chemistry so that you can have the ooh-la-la's that last decades. And that takes, um, skill. It takes tools. It takes consciousness and it takes, um, desire. And so you gotta be able to cultivate that. And one of the things that tantra does is it looks at how can we actually cultivate our sexual energy. So think about, for instance, like a beautiful piece of artwork, right? A masterpiece, right? If you take a look at sex as an art form, the highest form of creation is that which gives life. Like as a woman, my body knows how to make eyeballs and elbows and all sorts of miraculous things with this thing that we can do called life. Now I've chosen not to have a human baby. Um, big fan of puppies and I've got one, but I'm not going to be a human mom. 

Ruan Willow one of those. 

Leah Piper Um, but it's still a miraculous thing that our body's capable of. And that is called life force energy. It's the highest form of creation and that dwells in our second chakra known as the genitals. And so we've got this spinning, amazing life filled energy. And it's also the same energy that creative life force. It's the same energy that makes us passionate for our life. That makes us passionate about what we create at work. That makes us passionate about how we raise our kids. It makes us passionate for our spouse. It makes it passionate for whatever we believe in, in terms of the spiritual thing, it makes us passionate about living a life that's filled, you know, with passion and that goes beyond the bedroom. So what the tantrics understood is that if you can cultivate your life force, creative energy and sex and sexuality is the number way. It's the number one way to generate that energy. Then you can use it as fuel for the rest of your life. 

Ruan Willow intriguing. 

Leah Piper And so if I'm connected to who I am as a sensual sexual being, because I stay connected, I'm sexually active. I have a relationship to my sexual self, not just my sexual partner. I'm, I'm curious about being intimate and real and being deep and vulnerable and creating intimacy in multiple parts of my life, then I am actually engaging in that creative life force energy. And then I can use my breath, my intention, my consciousness, and I can direct that life force energy to any area in my life. And so when you've got two or three or more partners who all want to. Generate that for themselves and you go, then you got a playground. Then you can really help serve each other. And one of the things I think Tantra does so well, that it's very different than other types of sexual practices. If we're looking at Red Tantra, like I mentioned earlier, there's White Tantra, which is the solo practice. 

Ruan Willow Yeah. 

Leah Piper That's basically, it's like you're in a band, but you're not going to be a very good band member if you don't practice your instrument. So if you want to make awesome music, you also got to practice at home. So the same thing with sex. 

Ruan Willow The same thing was 

Leah Piper If you want to be an awesome lover, you also got to practice at home. You have to actually cultivate the things that cultivate more energy. And so that's the White Tantra. That's your solo practice. And then you have the Red Tantra, which is basically the practice you do with another body. And so if you want to have high octave Red Tantra, then you got to be able to come with all your skills and learn how to make the music. And so there's lots of practices that one can engage in, in Red Tantra. As much as we can have different sexual experiences and proclivities and favorite things to do to get off, that can all be in the realm of Red Tantra. But what's unique is they separate oftentimes, not in every practice, but oftentimes you separate the role of giver and receiver. This is especially important in the beginning because one of the things that we really miss as sexual beings is we're both trying to do something to someone, like we're trying to receive and give at the same time. Someone's trying to do us and we're trying to do them. 

Ruan Willow you 

Leah Piper We miss so much subtle sensation and understanding of how our pleasure moves in our body when we're not focused on our experience. So by breaking up the role of giver and receiver, you know what your job is. If I'm the receiver, my job is to pay attention to what's happening in my body and follow it. 

Ruan Willow You 

Leah Piper I'm not a teacher, I'm not fantasized, not worried, but to actually go, where am I sensing the sensation? 

Ruan Willow Hmm 

Leah Piper Their hands are getting close to my vulva. They're caressing my inner thigh. They're squeezing my ass. I arch so they go deeper and they get closer to my vulva so they'll touch my pussy. You know, it's like all these things that like I'm, and I'm, because I'm right there for it, I notice all the subtlety. I notice the reactions. Even the ones that come and tell me, I feel numb, I don't feel anything. I feel stuck. 

Ruan Willow Oops. 

Leah Piper I feel like everyone else gets orgasms, but I don't. It's like, if you, if you're, and all of us go through that at some point in our life. 

Ruan Willow Right. 

Leah Piper So if I'm numb. can I just be with numb? Because that's the only way to get past numb. Yeah. Is you gotta breathe your way through it and then what's waiting for you is probably your biggest orgasm you ever had, but because we're trying to avoid numb, we'll never get there because we're judging it 

Ruan Willow We'll get there. 

Leah Piper and we're feeling like failures or we're blaming someone else and it's their fault because they're not doing it right. So by having a chance to be the receiver 

Ruan Willow So by 

Leah Piper and study your pleasure, you start to find out what you like. You start to find out what opens you and you start to notice the things that close you. Now as the, and you also have to pay attention, learn to breathe, make sound, get courageous, have your eyes open and be seen. It's fucking vulnerable to be the receiver and it's also awesome. Right. And most people suck at it. So then we have the giver and the job of the giver is to grow in their skillset. It's to grow and delight in the touch and in using their mouth and using their eyes and using their words and using their whole body to be a lover. And so as you get better and better at the art of touching, at the art of kissing, at the art of oral lovemaking, all of these things make you more and more masterful. And when you don't have to worry about what someone's doing to you, you get to really concentrate on exactly what's happening with your lover so you can track them. You can follow, you're noticing, are they opening? Are they closing? If I do this, what happens? If I go faster here, if I slow down here, if I am still. what happens in the stillness. 

Ruan Willow You 

Leah Piper That's another thing that Tantra is really has brought to the table so much beauty and profound experiences is stillness. Can you be sexual and be still because in that stillness and most women, I mean we have a teacher training and it's usually not until the third level of a three-year program where they get to their third level teacher training where they finally, they've been hearing about it for years, still, be still, be still, but being still is really hard and so when they 

Ruan Willow Mm-hmm. 

Leah Piper finally get it, I mean women end up having the most stupendous profound experiences of pleasure they've ever had because they've never been still and a lover's never been 

Ruan Willow because it's 

Leah Piper still. I mean we get in your genitals and we think our job is just to move, move, move. But stillness is sort of this epic thing that's very underrated. So, um, so you just, you will learn so much about yourself and your lover when you break up those roles of giver and receiver. 

Ruan Willow Oh, this has been so amazing. You have a wealth of knowledge and you're so not, I mean, all of the stuff you said is just awesome. And I want to learn more and more about it, but could you please tell everyone where they can find you and different social media areas they can find you and what you offer? 

Leah Piper Of course. Yeah, I'd be happy to. So one of the ways that you can get to know me real well is if you check out the Sex Reimagined podcast. I'm on all the streaming sites and of course on YouTube as well. And I have a co-host, Dr. Willow Brown, and I'm sort of the Tantra expert on the show and she is the Taoist expert. So the Tao and Tantra are interesting. They're very complimentary, but they're a little different. Where Tantra uses sexual energy to spiritually awaken, to have more pleasure, to create more intimacy and to have these sort of transcendent emotional experiences of healing and whatnot. The Taoism takes the same sexual energy, but they use it to heal the organs and the body and it's all about vitality and youth and generation and immortality and like really being super healthy and filled with vitality. So they're very complimentary paths. And then we've got experts that we bring on every month. So three weeks out of the month, we have a sexpert on the show and that could be an author, erotica novelist. We've got to have you on our show. It could be a researcher. It could be a porn star. It could be every... If it has to do with sexuality, we want to engage the conversation and help people open their minds. And then once a week or once a month, it's just Willow and I riffing on certain topics that we're passionate about. So I really invite the audience to come. It's free and it's a great way to get to know myself and Dr. Willow. And then we've got online courses. So one of my favorite courses that we have is a program called Last 10 Times Longer and it is for men to be able to basically make love, have sex as long as they want to without losing their erections. Or if you tend to ejaculate sooner than you want to, Tantra has been brilliant. They have the most simple technologies that are so successful. My private practice was working with men for years who are premature ejaculators and you can eradicate that. And it's just all about finding your favorite technique and working with your breath and concentrating and doing a few things in your solo practice. And so we've got a whole course all about lasting longer and quadrupling the length and the power of your ejaculatory orgasm for when you do want to come. So that's a very popular program. And then we also have a course all about female sacred spot, the cervical orgasm and clitoral orgasms and how to have that blended orgasm. And also when you think about one of the things we touch on is sexual healing. One out of three women have had some kind of sexual violation in their life. And that basically means that everyone is likely going to date someone who's been sexually abused. And there comes with some complications and how that woman feels about her body and how sexually free or oppressed she feels, how she sexually acts out and how she tends to shut down. So it's just really good information to have. Again, a lot of that's from a tantric perspective. And then I do one-on-one work. I work with people. I do coaching. And then I also do these things called VIP retreats. And it's a unique experience where people can come and spend a couple days with me. And I teach them the tantra on their body. And if they're a couple, they come and I teach them how to practice together. So check out my website, moreloveworks.com and then also thesexreimagined.com. 

Ruan Willow That all sounds fantastic. Yeah, lots of ways to engage. 

Leah Piper Lots of ways to enga- 

Ruan Willow Awesome. Oh, that is so amazing. It's so interesting and I love it. It's just wonderful. So thank you for what you do And thanks for coming on my show 

Leah Piper You bet. And if you want to hang out on social media, I tend to just be on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. So that's where to find me. 

Ruan Willow Awesome. And what's your handle? 

Leah Piper handle on Instagram is, there's two of them. It's at Sex Reimagined Podcast and the other one is at MoreLoveWorks underscore Leah Piper. And then TikTok, it's at Sex Reimagined. 

Ruan Willow Awesome. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. So thank you so much and you have an amazing day. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. Bye y'all. 

With Time Stamps:
WEBVTT


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Hello, this is Ruin Willow with the Oh Fuck Yeah with Ruin Willow podcast.

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I'm super excited to talk to this person.

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She has an amazing array of things that she has done and I'm going to read her bio, but

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first of all, welcome to the Oh Fuck Yeah with Ruin Willow podcast where we talk about

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sex and sexuality, all things to help you have better sex with yourself, with your partner

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or partners, and erotic affliction.

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So today I have Leah Piper, who is, this is really cool.

00:00:40.800 --> 00:00:46.880
She's a tantric yoga, sacred sex, oh, this is what she focuses on, sexual healing, positive

00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:47.880
psychology.

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She's a speaker, coach, mentor, and event facilitator.

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She is on a mission to turn love and sex from a chore into an art form.

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As a founder of More Love Works and co-host of the Sex Reimagined podcast, she has spent

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over 20 years guiding thousands to deeper intimacy.

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Leah believes desire thrives through creativity, not routine.

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With extensive background in tantric sex, so interesting, psychology and somatic therapies,

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she offers daring yet grounded wisdom.

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Leah's workshops strip away shame and invite vulnerability.

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Her coaching unravels knots couples thought were permanent and her mentorship helps fellow

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entrepreneurs infuse passion into their purpose.

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Whether speaking to crowds, working privately or sharing her vision online, Leah inspires

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people to paint outside the lines of conventional relationships.

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She's here to help you discover passion's true colors.

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I love that bio and welcome.

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Thank you.

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Thanks so much for having me.

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You have an amazing array of things you do and a great amount of experience.

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So you are a very fascinating person to talk to, and this is going to be a great conversation.

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I'm really excited.

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Me too.

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So tell me how you got started in this, first of all, like how did you, cause this isn't

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like a conventional, you know, job in psychology or, you know, therapy.

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How did you get started?

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First of all, I would love to know that.

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Yeah, that's, that's a really great question.

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It's a long story, so I'll try to keep it brief.

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But, you know, I grew up in a pretty religious background and felt really stifled sexually,

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felt like there was a lot of duplicity.

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There was a lot of double standards between boys and girls and my body was waking up and

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I just had this like feeling that this idea that sex was dirty or that sex was wrong or

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that our parts were like these private, scary parts was, it didn't align to what I felt

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like my experience of spirituality was.

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Like I had a faith in this higher power and it just didn't line up for me.

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And I was sick of like the stifling shame and this feeling of guilt that I felt like

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was just spoon fed to me.

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And then you double down with sexual abuse in my history and that confounded it, a lot

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of it.

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So I had two things going on.

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One, I wanted to be sexually expressed, sexually free.

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I wanted to shrug off the burden of these concepts and belief systems that well felt

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like they were Victorian values in general.

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And then I had this need to heal.

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Now the healing was sort of underground.

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I kind of burst through the scene going, I'm going to be a sexually liberated woman.

00:03:51.740 --> 00:03:57.060
And through that process, I just thought, all I need is lovers.

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The relationship doesn't matter as much as me being this very liberated woman.

00:04:02.540 --> 00:04:08.180
And as a result, I was kind of wearing that as a mask because deep down, I actually really

00:04:08.180 --> 00:04:09.580
did want to be loved.

00:04:09.580 --> 00:04:16.180
I actually really did want the relationship, but I was too insecure and vulnerable to insist

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on love.

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So I kind of settled for having lovers.

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It was like I painted it up in the sort of picture of thinking that that's what was cool.

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And so once I kind of started to take those masks off, I realized just how much healing

00:04:31.260 --> 00:04:37.420
I needed to do, that there was something deep inside of me that really longed for this

00:04:37.420 --> 00:04:39.260
deeper experience.

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So I think what drove me to Tantra at a young age was this feeling, this deep rooted truth.

00:04:46.180 --> 00:04:52.580
Like I knew there was something more to sex and I wanted to find out what it was.

00:04:52.580 --> 00:04:55.940
And Tantra ended up answering that prayer for me.

00:04:55.940 --> 00:04:57.380
Oh, that's so intriguing.

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I definitely want to talk more about that.

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But I always say this to my podcast.

00:05:00.740 --> 00:05:05.140
We were given these organs for a reason, not to not use them, not to not enjoy them.

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Like, you're not given taste buds to not taste food.

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That's ridiculous.

00:05:09.980 --> 00:05:10.980
Right?

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Right.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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We're supposed to enjoy our sexual organs.

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And it's horrible that our society, our culture, at least in the United States, I know other

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parts of the world do, but they have put this horrible thing on sex and just kind of ruined

00:05:26.220 --> 00:05:27.220
it.

00:05:27.940 --> 00:05:33.660
Yeah, I think what's really sad about that is because we have shamed sex and we've made

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sex appear to be dangerous and something to be afraid of because it can get you in trouble

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and it can also harm you.

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And it's not that there aren't elements of that that are true, right?

00:05:45.300 --> 00:05:46.700
But that's the shadow side.

00:05:46.700 --> 00:05:49.700
That's not the predominant experience of sex.

00:05:49.700 --> 00:05:55.060
And so what that does is it ends up suppressing our natural healthy urges.

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And through that suppression, people then act out and they actually do more dangerous

00:05:59.100 --> 00:06:02.780
things and more hurtful things to themselves and others.

00:06:02.780 --> 00:06:09.020
Instead of having this more sex positive outlook where we celebrate pleasure, we see and recognize

00:06:09.020 --> 00:06:11.740
that pleasure is actually really healthy for us.

00:06:11.740 --> 00:06:17.620
It actually has been proven scientifically to increase our longevity, to show that our

00:06:17.620 --> 00:06:22.900
life satisfaction scores are much higher when we have a healthy perspective towards sexuality.

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And when that gets suppressed or twisted, you know, it just points to where we're still

00:06:27.900 --> 00:06:30.140
sick in our society.

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Right.

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And it's just crazy to me that we all just get stuck in that.

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But you know, we're kind of force fed it through our culture.

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You know, it's not that we'll talk about pleasure with eating a strawberry or getting a massage

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or going on a walk outside.

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But anytime you remotely get to a sexual topic for pleasure, people freak out, freeze out

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or they think you're a freak.

00:06:56.040 --> 00:07:01.880
Yeah, they end up having an internal sensation that makes them feel something negative, you

00:07:01.880 --> 00:07:06.600
know, and then that negative sensation either gets projected outside of themselves where

00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:14.320
it's like they shame, blame or judge or they or they feel icky about themselves.

00:07:14.320 --> 00:07:16.280
And I do think things are changing.

00:07:16.320 --> 00:07:22.560
I think with our generation, I think we definitely had had an easier path forward than, let's

00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:25.840
say, our parents' generation and certainly our grandparents' generation.

00:07:25.840 --> 00:07:29.920
So I do see us moving forward in a positive way.

00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:33.360
I mean, we're talking about sex like we've never talked about sex in our culture before.

00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:34.760
True. That's very true.

00:07:34.760 --> 00:07:38.000
And now people are getting more and more comfortable with even kinkier sex.

00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:42.600
So I feel like the conversation at the table is changing.

00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:44.960
But, you know, I've been on the West Coast for so long.

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Sometimes I feel a little out of touch.

00:07:47.280 --> 00:07:52.640
Like, is it changing in Middle America or am I just like I bounce back and forth from

00:07:52.640 --> 00:07:55.120
each coast? So it's like New York, California.

00:07:55.120 --> 00:07:57.320
Everything's pretty cool now.

00:07:58.520 --> 00:08:03.000
And I grew up in Michigan, so I'm a Midwestern girl at heart.

00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:09.840
There's still a part of me that's actually very shy and also can get, you know, who likes

00:08:09.840 --> 00:08:11.000
to be covered up, you know.

00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:15.600
So I don't know. Sometimes it's like these two different parts of oneself.

00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:19.600
The one that is still that little Michigan girl and then the one that's totally this

00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:22.200
California woman. So what do you think?

00:08:22.200 --> 00:08:23.560
What's your experience?

00:08:23.560 --> 00:08:25.240
Do you feel like we're progressing?

00:08:25.880 --> 00:08:31.440
I do, but I know I do, but I do know exactly what you're saying because I am in Middle

00:08:31.440 --> 00:08:32.840
America. I'm in the Midwest.

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And so I always say with all of my views and stuff, I should have been born on a coast

00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:40.920
because both of the coasts are way more relaxed and way more open.

00:08:40.920 --> 00:08:46.440
And everything, the way I always see it is stuff starts out there and it percolates slowly

00:08:46.440 --> 00:08:50.800
into Middle America and the middle Midwest heartland strip.

00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:54.520
So we are behind you all on both coasts.

00:08:54.520 --> 00:08:55.840
I can guarantee you that.

00:08:56.200 --> 00:09:00.280
And people who are maybe more kinky or whatever, it's more hidden here.

00:09:00.560 --> 00:09:02.760
So I think things are getting better.

00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:07.880
So I do feel good that it's more open on the coast because I know, as with everything

00:09:07.880 --> 00:09:09.800
else, it slowly percolates in.

00:09:09.800 --> 00:09:12.520
So it will get better here, too.

00:09:13.040 --> 00:09:13.960
Yeah, it will.

00:09:14.360 --> 00:09:15.160
Yeah. Yeah.

00:09:15.160 --> 00:09:16.560
Yeah. So I know what you're saying.

00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:18.480
Yeah, I have a real dream.

00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:27.320
I sort of started this path, studying this ancient wisdom school of information.

00:09:27.680 --> 00:09:34.080
And it's like these 5,000 years ago, they were really sorting it out, how to have a

00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:38.640
deep, meaningful experience of sexuality that wasn't so repressed.

00:09:38.640 --> 00:09:45.360
And it had a more spiritual theme versus sort of our Judeo-Christian society that has got

00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:46.360
more of a negative theme.

00:09:46.880 --> 00:09:49.080
And that's what attracted me to it.

00:09:49.080 --> 00:09:54.120
It was like, well, here's a spiritual system that's not saying sex bad, sex wrong.

00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:56.120
It was like, let's elevate it.

00:09:56.120 --> 00:09:58.360
Let's experience sex as an art form.

00:09:58.360 --> 00:09:59.320
Let's study it.

00:09:59.320 --> 00:10:00.600
Let's learn about ourselves.

00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:01.720
Let's ascend.

00:10:01.920 --> 00:10:08.480
Let's transcend sex so that an orgasm can be a transcending experience where you feel a

00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:10.760
sense of oneness and wonder and awe.

00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:13.880
And that was like, oh, I want that, please.

00:10:15.040 --> 00:10:18.080
And that wasn't taught in my very religious home.

00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:22.920
So but I felt like it was it was like on point.

00:10:22.920 --> 00:10:27.280
And so, yes, but it's but, you know, it's got all these different Sanskrit language and

00:10:27.280 --> 00:10:28.320
it's connected to yoga.

00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:31.560
And so it's got all this Eastern stuff that I think for some people, if they haven't been

00:10:31.560 --> 00:10:34.520
exposed to that much, feel a little uncomfortable.

00:10:34.680 --> 00:10:39.640
Like when I tell people I'm an advanced Tantra educator or whatever, they kind of lean in

00:10:39.640 --> 00:10:41.080
like, well, that sounds cool.

00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:41.880
What's Tantra?

00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:46.600
And but at the same time, they're like, but it's good for you.

00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:47.640
It's probably not for me.

00:10:47.640 --> 00:10:49.080
Isn't that a religion or something?

00:10:49.080 --> 00:10:51.000
And I'm like, no, it's not a religion.

00:10:51.560 --> 00:10:58.360
Yeah. So so back to like this deep desire inside coming from the Midwest, I really do

00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:00.200
want to bring it back to the Midwest.

00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:06.440
I would love to see my aunts and uncles and cousins be nurtured and nourished through

00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:08.440
this deep study of love.

00:11:10.040 --> 00:11:17.800
But I think it's going to take a new way of languaging the information so that people

00:11:17.800 --> 00:11:24.920
can hear it who, you know, are more mainstream, as my sister would say, the muggles.

00:11:26.120 --> 00:11:28.520
Yeah, that's funny.

00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:29.960
True, true, true.

00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:37.240
I interviewed somebody recently who pointed out that yoga was originally really targeted.

00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:41.800
I don't know if this is what you found, but it was more meant to like explore your body

00:11:41.800 --> 00:11:45.800
and actually to help you have better sex with your partner and just be more healthy.

00:11:46.680 --> 00:11:52.360
America has turned it into an exercise routine and have nothing to do with sex, right?

00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:57.160
It's very much a fitness path nowadays.

00:11:57.160 --> 00:11:58.360
And and that's OK.

00:11:58.360 --> 00:11:58.760
That's good.

00:11:58.760 --> 00:12:02.360
It's exposing a lot of people to something that's really mindful and connected to the

00:12:02.360 --> 00:12:02.840
breath.

00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:03.560
And oh, sure.

00:12:03.560 --> 00:12:07.640
But wouldn't it be wonderful for them to understand that what you're doing in a yoga class

00:12:08.280 --> 00:12:12.280
will dramatically affect what you experience in the bedroom?

00:12:12.280 --> 00:12:15.240
Because Tantra is called Tantra yoga.

00:12:15.240 --> 00:12:16.600
It's actually a yoga.

00:12:17.160 --> 00:12:19.880
And and there's two different limbs to Tantra.

00:12:19.880 --> 00:12:23.080
There's white Tantra, which is considered your solo practice.

00:12:23.080 --> 00:12:25.000
That would be your yoga practice.

00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:26.520
That would be your meditation.

00:12:26.520 --> 00:12:28.120
That would be your breathing.

00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:29.800
That would be your prayer.

00:12:29.800 --> 00:12:33.160
That would be, you know, all these meditative paths.

00:12:33.160 --> 00:12:37.640
And basically all those things, no matter the yoga tradition, they all have those things

00:12:37.640 --> 00:12:38.440
in common.

00:12:38.440 --> 00:12:41.800
And basically what it's saying is, let's get ahead on the God game.

00:12:41.800 --> 00:12:44.040
Let's go so deep into our body.

00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:49.080
Let's also be in the subtle body where we start to feel the energy that is the life

00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:52.120
force energy that is circulating in our system.

00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:55.640
And let's let's play in that playground and see where we can go spiritually.

00:12:56.440 --> 00:13:00.840
But when you apply that same principle to sexuality, then you get to go there with your

00:13:00.840 --> 00:13:01.240
lover.

00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:07.640
And so that's why people and that's why Tantra is so famous for these epic orgasms that people

00:13:07.720 --> 00:13:13.320
talk about these and hours of lovemaking because it gives you enema.

00:13:13.320 --> 00:13:16.280
It quadruples the length and the power of your orgasms.

00:13:16.280 --> 00:13:22.440
It helps you separate for men, helps you separate tiring ejaculations from orgasms so that a

00:13:22.440 --> 00:13:24.680
man can be multi-orgasmic.

00:13:24.680 --> 00:13:31.480
And for women, it shows them these multitudes of orgasmic sensation.

00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:38.200
And science now shows us that that phenomenon is actually different types of nerves that

00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:39.720
are firing in the brain.

00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:43.880
So there are four major parts, four major nerves that they know of right now that they

00:13:43.880 --> 00:13:48.920
can determine give women and men different types of orgasm.

00:13:48.920 --> 00:13:53.240
So plural orgasm feels differently than a vaginal orgasm and a vaginal orgasm feels

00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:55.160
differently than an anal orgasm.

00:13:55.160 --> 00:13:58.280
And and then there's the vagus nerve.

00:13:58.280 --> 00:14:02.200
And that has to do with a heartgasm where people tend to be so moved, they cry.

00:14:03.560 --> 00:14:06.520
And there's different ways to achieve all those.

00:14:06.520 --> 00:14:12.200
And then once you know how to like where they are and then how to activate them and then

00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:17.640
how to experience them by utilizing your breath more profoundly, then you can layer them.

00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:26.200
So it's like that anal orgasm is a hypogastric nerve and that vaginal orgasm is the pelvic

00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:29.000
nerve and that clitoral orgasm is the pudental nerve.

00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:33.480
And then the vagus orgasm is this only nerve that runs up the front of the body versus

00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:34.280
the spine.

00:14:34.280 --> 00:14:37.640
And then it's like you're eating a four layer cake of orgasm.

00:14:37.640 --> 00:14:41.240
You're no longer just settling for that sneeze in the groin.

00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:43.560
You are going.

00:14:45.960 --> 00:14:46.680
That's fascinating.

00:14:46.680 --> 00:14:47.560
That sounds wonderful.

00:14:47.560 --> 00:14:51.640
It's like a multi-course orgasm sex session.

00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:53.400
It really, really is.

00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:56.760
I have a question that I just thought of as you're saying that.

00:14:56.760 --> 00:15:02.440
So if people feel like they have an easier orgasm in one of those areas, do you think

00:15:02.440 --> 00:15:07.320
it's just they don't understand the other areas or don't know how to activate them as

00:15:07.320 --> 00:15:07.560
well?

00:15:07.560 --> 00:15:12.600
Or do you think people actually have kind of like a dominant part that would give them

00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:13.880
the stronger orgasms?

00:15:13.880 --> 00:15:14.680
Great question.

00:15:14.680 --> 00:15:15.960
I don't think it's an either or.

00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:17.160
I think it's an and.

00:15:17.160 --> 00:15:19.400
I think both are true.

00:15:19.400 --> 00:15:23.960
And for different bodies, I think for some of us, it's like, well, no one's ever pointed

00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:26.200
out that we can have an anal orgasm.

00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:29.800
No one's pointed out that if we make sound, it activates the heart and gives us a whole

00:15:29.800 --> 00:15:32.200
nother type of orgasm.

00:15:32.200 --> 00:15:39.400
So I think a lot of it is lack of education and then also not knowing how to activate

00:15:39.400 --> 00:15:41.080
those things through technique.

00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:41.960
How do you find it?

00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:44.200
How do you find the G spot?

00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:47.320
How do you find the cervix so you can have a cervical orgasm?

00:15:47.400 --> 00:15:51.720
And then if you're going to go towards the ass, like how exactly does that work?

00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:58.520
I mean, you know, anal, anal pleasure has been considered this kink and this taboo for

00:15:58.520 --> 00:16:00.520
so long, but oh, for sure.

00:16:00.520 --> 00:16:05.800
It's finally starting to come online like, hey, this is a whole nother pleasure center

00:16:05.800 --> 00:16:06.360
in the body.

00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:08.440
And I'm sorry, five million gay guys can't be wrong.

00:16:08.440 --> 00:16:10.120
There's something special up your ass.

00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:13.000
And it's not gender specific.

00:16:14.040 --> 00:16:16.200
And yes, it takes skill.

00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:22.040
And it takes, you know, overcoming some fear because some people feel very apprehensive.

00:16:22.040 --> 00:16:22.920
Is it going to hurt?

00:16:22.920 --> 00:16:23.960
Is it going to be gross?

00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:24.920
You know, all sorts of stuff.

00:16:25.880 --> 00:16:27.000
So yeah, education.

00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:27.800
Oh, for sure.

00:16:30.120 --> 00:16:31.080
Yeah, for sure.

00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:35.640
I think that's a total thing, especially the taboo and just how our culture just kind of

00:16:35.640 --> 00:16:37.160
views going in the bathroom.

00:16:37.160 --> 00:16:41.480
Like it's, you know, that area, you know, like this is a total biological function.

00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:42.920
And why do we have to consider it gross?

00:16:42.920 --> 00:16:44.600
If we didn't do it, we would die.

00:16:45.560 --> 00:16:46.120
Right.

00:16:46.120 --> 00:16:50.600
And yes, it's OK to hear about anal sex for the first time and have an aversion to it

00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:57.160
because there, you know, so it's like it's also like normal to be very confused about

00:16:57.160 --> 00:16:57.400
it.

00:16:57.400 --> 00:17:01.480
But it's also normal to be secretly attracted to it.

00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:06.440
It's also normal to go, wow, like that's a real thing.

00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:11.240
I remember when I first heard about anal sex and any kind of anal penetration, I was freaked

00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:11.960
the fuck out.

00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:13.400
Can I curse on here?

00:17:14.040 --> 00:17:15.240
Oh, absolutely.

00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:16.520
I have fucking my name.

00:17:16.520 --> 00:17:17.240
So, yeah.

00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:18.040
OK, OK, OK.

00:17:18.040 --> 00:17:18.440
Right.

00:17:18.440 --> 00:17:18.760
Oh, fuck.

00:17:18.760 --> 00:17:19.000
Yeah.

00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:20.440
OK, great.

00:17:21.080 --> 00:17:24.440
Well, no wonder I subconsciously was like, it's probably fine.

00:17:26.280 --> 00:17:29.080
But, you know, it was quite a hurdle for me.

00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:35.000
You know, I didn't know that my visceral reaction to the idea of someone putting a

00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:41.000
finger up my butt and the negative association I had with that was because I had been abused

00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:48.440
there and so like it took, you know, a number of years before that memory came back when

00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:51.800
I decided, you know, what if I looked at this whole thing differently?

00:17:51.800 --> 00:17:56.600
What if this was actually a path to awakening, not only pleasure?

00:17:56.600 --> 00:18:01.480
And if I have such a really like an almost like, you know, when you have a reaction that

00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:06.760
seems like an overreaction, like there's got to be something underneath, you know, that

00:18:06.760 --> 00:18:09.800
that is making this a really overreactive response.

00:18:09.800 --> 00:18:12.040
And so I got really curious about what was that like.

00:18:12.040 --> 00:18:16.920
But I'll tell you, I probably wouldn't have gone deeper into my exploration at that time

00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:24.280
in my life if it hadn't been for really cool women that I had a high regard for who

00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:29.800
legitimized that they loved anal sex and it was one of the most orgasmic places in their

00:18:29.800 --> 00:18:30.200
body.

00:18:30.200 --> 00:18:31.320
And I was like, what?

00:18:31.880 --> 00:18:32.680
For real?

00:18:32.680 --> 00:18:34.040
Like that's even possible?

00:18:34.600 --> 00:18:38.120
You know, I just I didn't know that that was possible.

00:18:38.120 --> 00:18:43.240
And then I was like, well, shit, if they can have an anal orgasm, I am going to figure

00:18:43.240 --> 00:18:44.120
this out.

00:18:44.120 --> 00:18:45.720
I will not be left behind.

00:18:48.120 --> 00:18:50.520
And so and so I'm really glad that I did.

00:18:50.520 --> 00:18:51.720
I'm really glad that I did it.

00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:59.880
And because it's it wasn't just, you know, some of the top three orgasms I've ever had

00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:03.880
in my life have been due to conscious anal connection.

00:19:04.360 --> 00:19:09.880
But the healing that was waiting for me there was so profound, you know, because I don't

00:19:09.880 --> 00:19:15.080
I don't think that's a conversation that's left off the table quite a bit is this whole

00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:20.840
sexual healing phenomenon that when you're really with a loving, conscious, present partner,

00:19:20.840 --> 00:19:25.800
we can unpack a lot of stuff therapeutically that doesn't require a psychologist or 10

00:19:25.800 --> 00:19:26.920
years of therapy.

00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:31.080
We can actually move through it extremely fast and then we feel free.

00:19:34.280 --> 00:19:38.200
Yeah, and I know I know people who have thought like originally thought that anal sex was

00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:40.680
just for men, like that the women would have no pleasure.

00:19:40.680 --> 00:19:41.160
Right.

00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:46.200
So then there's that bad feeling to like, well, that's not even going to feel good to

00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:46.440
me.

00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:47.560
Why would I do that?

00:19:47.560 --> 00:19:52.120
And so I think that a lot of women do shut down to it because they have that perception.

00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:55.880
But if other women are talking about it and be like, no, I love that, then they can see

00:19:55.880 --> 00:19:57.800
that maybe there is pleasure for the woman.

00:19:57.800 --> 00:19:59.880
It's not just for the person.

00:19:59.890 --> 00:20:06.530
Right. I was shocked. I had no idea women liked it. I was so naive. I just thought,

00:20:06.530 --> 00:20:12.370
for real? I mean, is that even... I thought it was just a lie. I thought it was a lie perpetuated by

00:20:12.370 --> 00:20:17.970
porn. Right. Well, because there's a lot of stuff that is in porn that is a lie because it's

00:20:17.970 --> 00:20:23.410
basically entertainment. I mean, I think you can learn some from porn, but it's basically

00:20:23.410 --> 00:20:30.850
entertainment. Yeah, I agree. I don't encourage people to use porn to be their sex education on

00:20:30.850 --> 00:20:35.570
any level, but it can be very entertaining, can be very stimulating, and you can pick up a few

00:20:35.570 --> 00:20:42.690
things. Yeah, and you get ideas, possibly, even. Yeah. But most of the sex you see on porn is not

00:20:42.690 --> 00:20:50.930
really the kind of sex women want because most porn is designed to stimulate the male brain.

00:20:50.930 --> 00:20:59.490
Now, I can get off to porn as much as anybody else can, but it's not necessarily the sex I

00:20:59.490 --> 00:21:04.610
want to have. Right. So, it's important for... It's different. It's a different experience.

00:21:05.810 --> 00:21:10.610
Oh, totally. And I talked with somebody recently with that where a lot of young people, a lot of

00:21:10.610 --> 00:21:17.810
young men, especially, grew up watching porn, and so they're almost confused. They don't know

00:21:17.810 --> 00:21:22.450
how to like... They're like, oh, you don't like that? They look at their girlfriend and be like,

00:21:22.450 --> 00:21:26.770
oh, wait, you don't like that? You don't like jackhammer sex where I just pound into you like

00:21:26.770 --> 00:21:30.610
a piston? What do you mean? Yeah, thanks, education America. You don't like it when I

00:21:30.610 --> 00:21:37.090
shove my cock down your throat and you gag and nearly throw up? What do you mean? I know, right?

00:21:37.090 --> 00:21:41.010
It's like, thanks a lot, you fucking horrible sex head in America. I know. What do you mean?

00:21:41.010 --> 00:21:46.290
You don't want me to just push my cock all the way up your ass? That doesn't feel good? It's like,

00:21:46.290 --> 00:21:50.210
oh my god, you guys got to show the prep. I mean, really what I wish porn would do.

00:21:50.770 --> 00:21:56.929
Honestly, I think it would be such a major service to those people who don't have access to good sex

00:21:56.929 --> 00:22:02.690
education and who are using porn to feel more secure and confident as they become sexually

00:22:02.690 --> 00:22:12.290
active. I wish that the industry would show all the prep that the actors do in order to prepare

00:22:12.290 --> 00:22:19.410
their bodies to have those experiences. True. And then some of them use numbing agents, right?

00:22:19.410 --> 00:22:26.450
So this is not going to... Which is very dangerous for amateurs. You do not want to use numbing

00:22:26.450 --> 00:22:30.290
agents because you could really hurt yourself. You're not paying attention to what's actually

00:22:30.290 --> 00:22:36.850
painful. You could get a tear. You don't want to end up in the hospital. Yeah. No, absolutely not.

00:22:37.810 --> 00:22:44.210
So I would love to find out in your work, what is one mistake that people often make

00:22:44.210 --> 00:22:47.969
when it comes to orgasms? Is there something that kind of sticks out in your brain?

00:22:49.090 --> 00:22:56.290
Yeah, it's breath. So one of the things that the yogis really got right is working with

00:22:56.290 --> 00:23:01.810
breath control. And when you have more breath control, you see pleasure and energy. So pleasure

00:23:01.890 --> 00:23:08.850
is energy. You know, when you have like a really great laugh and you are laughing your ass off,

00:23:08.850 --> 00:23:15.890
it is shaking your whole soul. Tears are streaming out of your eyes. That is energy and movement.

00:23:15.890 --> 00:23:23.250
That is orgasmic. And so in orgasm, really all it is is energy and movement. And when you feel pain,

00:23:23.810 --> 00:23:30.770
it's like, oh, my bad knee or ouch, my bad back. Like that's when energy gets stuck.

00:23:30.770 --> 00:23:35.969
And it's painful. You need someone to go in there and rub that energy out, get those knots out.

00:23:35.969 --> 00:23:41.969
So we're these electromagnetic fields. We are all energy. And so if you can think about your

00:23:41.969 --> 00:23:48.290
pleasure and your pain as energy, what helps move energy is breath. And so one of the things people

00:23:48.290 --> 00:23:52.770
do is they tend to hold their breath, especially when they get close to a climax. They stick

00:23:52.850 --> 00:23:57.170
their body. Everything gets tight. It's like they're ready to everything gets tight so it can

00:23:57.170 --> 00:24:02.530
propel the energy out. And then they do the worst thing possible in that moment. They hold their

00:24:02.530 --> 00:24:07.730
breath. I'm guilty of doing that. Yeah, we all are. We all are. I don't know where the instinct

00:24:07.730 --> 00:24:13.250
comes from, but it's like if you if you actually, you know, because and I think women struggle with

00:24:13.250 --> 00:24:18.370
this in particular. It's like we can see the orgasm in the distance and we're so close.

00:24:18.370 --> 00:24:24.530
We are so damn close. We are almost through that fucking door. We're going to come and suddenly

00:24:24.530 --> 00:24:31.090
it's gone. And we're like, what the hell happened? I was so close. Well,

00:24:32.450 --> 00:24:37.890
I actually have a free tutorial on my website. I'll give you guys the secret on how to quadruple

00:24:37.890 --> 00:24:43.410
the length and the power of your clitoral orgasm so that you never miss another clitoral orgasm

00:24:43.410 --> 00:24:48.130
again. And then you can learn what you're doing wrong. And then you can learn the easy breathing

00:24:48.130 --> 00:24:53.330
technique that helps you connect your breath so that the door always comes to you and you never

00:24:53.330 --> 00:24:58.770
have to chase it again. Just go to my website, more love works dot com and click on free gift

00:24:58.770 --> 00:25:04.450
and you can download the tutorial. Oh, awesome. I'm going to check that out, too. Yeah, it's life

00:25:04.450 --> 00:25:10.130
changing. So if you're a Volvo owner, you need this video or if you love Volvo's and you want

00:25:10.130 --> 00:25:16.930
to pleasure them, you need to watch this video and then you need to tell everyone the secret,

00:25:16.930 --> 00:25:24.050
because when you think about like globally and since the beginning of time, how many clitoral

00:25:24.050 --> 00:25:31.810
orgasms have been lost. Yeah, it is a tragedy. It is an epic global tragedy and we can fix it.

00:25:31.810 --> 00:25:38.610
It is such a simple fix. It is a tragedy, and that is so true because it's just easier for men

00:25:38.610 --> 00:25:43.970
to orgasm and maybe they I don't know why that is, maybe because theirs is on the outside and

00:25:43.970 --> 00:25:49.490
ours is embedded. Not really sure why, but I think it might have something to do with testosterone.

00:25:49.490 --> 00:25:54.450
I think it has to do with the female brain and the male brain, one being estrogen loaded, the

00:25:54.450 --> 00:25:59.570
other one being testosterone loaded. And testosterone is that thing that gives us the drive. It helps us

00:25:59.570 --> 00:26:05.890
feel that sense of greater desire, need and passion. And so I think that there's something

00:26:05.890 --> 00:26:11.570
about the amount of testosterone that is activated in the male brain that has them thinking about sex

00:26:11.570 --> 00:26:17.970
all of the time, especially at different ages and their development. And so when you're thinking

00:26:17.970 --> 00:26:25.170
about it as obsessively and as unconsciously as male brains do, it's no wonder that they're

00:26:25.170 --> 00:26:32.690
hornier. They're already on an arousal scale in a way that women aren't on an arousal scale.

00:26:32.770 --> 00:26:36.610
One of the things I've noticed, and this is a really good tip for the listeners,

00:26:37.810 --> 00:26:44.530
if you're having struggles with feeling your libido, with getting turned on, with being

00:26:44.530 --> 00:26:52.690
orgasmic, especially with female oriented bodies, you got to get your head in the game differently.

00:26:53.410 --> 00:27:00.610
So you have to actually start getting turned on by mentally thinking about getting excited

00:27:00.690 --> 00:27:07.970
for sexual sensations, for sexual thoughts. You have to prime the pump. You got to put your mind

00:27:07.970 --> 00:27:14.210
there. And your partner can help by like texting you sexy things and rubbing your booty when you're

00:27:14.210 --> 00:27:20.690
walking by the kitchen. And there's ways to goose that throughout the day. And I always tell my,

00:27:20.690 --> 00:27:26.210
when I'm coaching male clients, especially if they have a female lover and they want their

00:27:26.210 --> 00:27:31.250
partner to be more interested in sex, I'm like, you've got to romance her all day long. This

00:27:31.250 --> 00:27:36.450
isn't something you just can't expect her to want to be sexual at the end of the night when she's

00:27:37.010 --> 00:27:42.049
freaking so tired. She's dealing with the house and raising the kids and going to work. And she's

00:27:42.049 --> 00:27:48.930
managing all the details that an estrogen loaded brain knows how to do better than a testosterone

00:27:48.930 --> 00:27:54.210
loaded brain. We have the capacity to like hold a lot of different things at the same time. And

00:27:54.210 --> 00:28:04.290
that doesn't make it easier to get in the mood. So we've got these very ancient brains that are

00:28:04.290 --> 00:28:12.050
just wired differently. And so for women to like really claim their pleasure, it can be a head

00:28:12.050 --> 00:28:17.410
game sometimes. Because the head can also take us right out of pleasure. If we are thinking,

00:28:17.410 --> 00:28:23.810
planning, worrying, thinking about the list, being hungry, there's all sorts of things that

00:28:23.810 --> 00:28:29.250
can derail us from being in our body. So when I say you've got to get your head in the game,

00:28:29.250 --> 00:28:34.850
I don't mean you should be in your head. What I'm saying is you've got to get your mind,

00:28:34.850 --> 00:28:40.530
you've got to get your imagination. And most importantly, you've got to be connected to

00:28:40.530 --> 00:28:47.490
your senses. This is really important for women because women are more sense sensitive. So you

00:28:47.490 --> 00:28:53.570
need to think about the feeling against your skin, the smell that's in the air, the taste that's in

00:28:53.570 --> 00:28:59.570
your mouth, the light that your eyes are picking up. When you can be engaged with what are you

00:28:59.570 --> 00:29:04.930
listening to. And if partners can create a little bit more of an environment, that's going to help

00:29:04.930 --> 00:29:12.050
your lover relax. It's going to help her set down the day. It's going to help her invite herself to

00:29:12.050 --> 00:29:20.050
come into her body so that her mind is connected to her body. And that way she can start to go,

00:29:20.050 --> 00:29:24.610
well, yeah, what are my fantasies? I mean, I don't know about you, Ruan, but a guy would be

00:29:24.610 --> 00:29:31.810
like, so what's your fantasy? And I'd be like, I don't fucking know. Why don't you try something

00:29:31.810 --> 00:29:37.570
and I'll tell you if it creeps me out or not. And it really hasn't been until I got much older

00:29:38.370 --> 00:29:44.210
that I'm now connected to, oh, now I got some fantasies. But then even if you have fantasies,

00:29:44.210 --> 00:29:49.490
then you have to figure out the courage to say them out loud and to describe them to someone.

00:29:49.490 --> 00:29:55.090
And most of us are so repressed in our voice that if we already have a hard time talking about sex,

00:29:55.090 --> 00:29:57.410
talking about fantasies is just a thousand times harder.

00:29:58.210 --> 00:30:02.610
Oh, absolutely. And one of my guests brought up this phrase. She said marinate in her,

00:30:02.610 --> 00:30:08.450
in your sensuality. So I stole, I know I love that. So I stole that and I say marinate also

00:30:08.450 --> 00:30:16.210
in your sexuality. And being an erotica author and audio book narrator, for me, I think one of

00:30:16.210 --> 00:30:23.250
the great ways to do it is to have, you know, she can read erotica, she can listen to an audiobook,

00:30:23.250 --> 00:30:27.730
but you can listen to it together. But that is one way to be thinking about it,

00:30:27.730 --> 00:30:31.810
getting yourself, your brain, like you said, getting your brain in the right spot,

00:30:31.810 --> 00:30:37.410
your mind instead of, but not in your brain. And it's actually getting you out of your brain

00:30:37.410 --> 00:30:47.650
because you're immersing yourself in the story. And then, I love it. And my other thing I like

00:30:47.650 --> 00:30:54.690
to say is this, it hits your point. You just said it's a way for people and couples to explore their

00:30:54.690 --> 00:30:59.090
fantasies because they can pick a story with a fantasy that they're sort of interested in.

00:30:59.090 --> 00:31:03.650
They can listen to it and then they can say, well, what'd you think about that without saying,

00:31:03.650 --> 00:31:07.810
hey, I want to be spanked like a schoolgirl. You know what I mean?

00:31:07.810 --> 00:31:12.370
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say like, so what was the hottest part of that for you?

00:31:13.010 --> 00:31:17.570
You know, what part got you, like what part embarrassed you the most? And then what part was

00:31:17.570 --> 00:31:24.130
like, you know, you was really turned on by, you know, and you get curious. And I'm so glad you

00:31:24.130 --> 00:31:30.530
brought up erotica because erotica changed my life. I mean, it's what brought me so much deeper

00:31:30.530 --> 00:31:38.530
into my fantasy, like the richness of my fantasy life is so much deeper. My self-pleasuring is like

00:31:38.530 --> 00:31:46.930
taken on a whole new arc. I mean, it's fucking poetry, man. It's dirty poetry. It is downtown

00:31:46.930 --> 00:31:53.970
dirty, dirty, dirty. And I love it. And so it's so exciting. I'm so glad that you are writing it

00:31:53.970 --> 00:31:59.810
and that you're using the audio medium to stimulate people. And I think it's a great thing for couples

00:31:59.810 --> 00:32:07.490
to engage in. You know, I heard a tip once from another erotica author. She said, you know,

00:32:07.490 --> 00:32:14.290
turn on porn, but don't watch it. A lot of women will get more turned on by listening to the porn

00:32:14.290 --> 00:32:18.690
than they will by watching it. Even though a lot of men are going to be more turned on with the

00:32:18.690 --> 00:32:23.810
visual. Women, it's like, and I think the thing that I love about erotica is you can use your

00:32:23.810 --> 00:32:27.250
imagination. So you're reading about these characters, but you can put yourself in the

00:32:27.250 --> 00:32:34.210
characters when you're watching porn. You can't, it's much harder to look at a body that is so

00:32:34.210 --> 00:32:40.130
different from yours and imagine that's your body and there's no mystery set up. Yeah. Right. Right.

00:32:40.130 --> 00:32:44.450
It's all there for you. You can't imagine them looking different or having a different expression

00:32:44.450 --> 00:32:50.450
because you're seeing it. And it'd be hard to erase that image, you know? And again, I think

00:32:50.450 --> 00:32:59.090
for, you know, for the estrogen filled brain, it invokes the senses. Erotica invokes the senses

00:32:59.090 --> 00:33:04.450
and it creates, it's got this more storytelling thing that I think just appeals to the female

00:33:04.450 --> 00:33:10.770
mind. Oh, absolutely. And I think that's why audio is so popular. Audiobooks and other places of

00:33:10.770 --> 00:33:16.850
audio, all these apps are appearing with erotic audio things that people can access and it's

00:33:17.010 --> 00:33:22.130
growing. And for that very reason. Yeah. It's fantastic. And so that's a great way for people

00:33:22.130 --> 00:33:26.450
to like, just start somewhere. If you don't know where to start, you don't want to have

00:33:26.450 --> 00:33:31.890
the conversation talking about what your fantasies are. There's a book out there that's going to fit

00:33:31.890 --> 00:33:36.530
it. I mean, think how much erotica is, there's so much different, many different topics and sub

00:33:36.530 --> 00:33:43.170
genres within erotica. Totally. Yeah. I think it's a great place to begin a conversation. And I think

00:33:43.250 --> 00:33:50.130
that communication is so important for great sex. And now for a quick word from my sponsors.

00:33:50.690 --> 00:33:57.570
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00:35:41.650 --> 00:35:45.410
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anywhere you download your apps. So get the BeYaku app today and try it out for yourself. And now

00:35:58.770 --> 00:36:05.090
back to the show. Let's go. Yeah, I think it's a great place to begin a conversation and I think

00:36:05.090 --> 00:36:11.650
that communication is so important for great sex. If you can't communicate with your partner,

00:36:11.650 --> 00:36:19.170
if you're stuck and you're not ready to see an expert yet, then definitely start with erotica,

00:36:19.170 --> 00:36:25.730
with romance novels. Find your way into your voice because it's critical. If you want to

00:36:25.730 --> 00:36:29.090
have awesome sex, you've got to be able to communicate and you've got to be able to be

00:36:29.090 --> 00:36:36.450
in touch with your body. Sex doesn't just happen to you. You are a co-creator of great sex and so

00:36:36.450 --> 00:36:45.490
you've got to be on a path of curiosity and education and to awaken this amazing thing

00:36:45.490 --> 00:36:52.130
that we're born with. My God, it's the biggest gift that bodies come into the world with is the

00:36:52.130 --> 00:36:58.210
ability for pleasure because life is shitty. Life is so hard. We have so much stress. We have

00:36:58.210 --> 00:37:04.850
terrible things that happen like war and cancer and car accidents and all this crap. And so it's

00:37:04.850 --> 00:37:10.050
like pleasure came in to renew our weary soul. I really believe that's why the creator put it in

00:37:10.050 --> 00:37:16.530
our systems. Oh, I completely agree with you. A hundred percent. And just think about how much

00:37:16.530 --> 00:37:21.969
better you feel any pleasure. Taking a shower, of course, after an orgasm, after a massage.

00:37:21.969 --> 00:37:26.930
Even a good shit is pleasurable. A good sneeze is pleasurable. Peeing is pleasurable.

00:37:31.090 --> 00:37:36.050
So many things are pleasurable and we have to pay attention to them. And we go through life

00:37:36.050 --> 00:37:42.290
being numbed out by the little things. And so, you know, then we, I mean, if all you're waiting

00:37:42.290 --> 00:37:49.090
for is the big things, you're really missing out on some total delight. Oh, totally. That's a good

00:37:49.090 --> 00:37:52.690
way to put it. I, you know, those are all things that I think people just don't think about, right?

00:37:52.690 --> 00:37:57.330
They just don't think about where their pleasure comes from. And it's, it's in all these small

00:37:57.330 --> 00:38:03.730
things. The feel of your socks that you love, you know, I mean, it's everywhere. So, but what

00:38:03.730 --> 00:38:08.290
happens is, especially with sex, it gets to be, that's taboo. Oh, then, you know, they're not

00:38:08.290 --> 00:38:13.570
supposed to feel that or we get shut down even more because of shame and guilt. So we just need

00:38:13.570 --> 00:38:19.330
to open our minds up more and not let that trap us. I think the other thing is people think that

00:38:19.330 --> 00:38:25.730
sexuality is only genital oriented. Like, okay, we have these, we have these penises and we have

00:38:25.730 --> 00:38:30.850
these pussies. And if you rub the clit, that's the only way that you're going to get off. And,

00:38:31.970 --> 00:38:37.170
and that's actually not true. Orgasm happens throughout the body. And, you know, there's

00:38:37.170 --> 00:38:41.810
primary erogenous zones where most people relate to primary erogenous are going to be dicks,

00:38:41.810 --> 00:38:49.970
clits, assholes, ears, and nipples. But we actually have these secondary erogenous zones.

00:38:49.970 --> 00:38:58.050
And wherever there's a flexible joint in the, in the body, we are laden or a bend in the body,

00:38:58.050 --> 00:39:02.450
it's laden with nerve endings. So we've got wrists, like look at how many flexible joints

00:39:02.450 --> 00:39:07.650
are in the fingers. And that's why we love to touch is because it feels good to touch because

00:39:07.650 --> 00:39:14.370
we have so many nerves in our hands, behind the knees, the ankles, the toes, the inner groin,

00:39:14.370 --> 00:39:21.410
the sides of the waist, the neck, the ears, the armpits. We have all these places where we

00:39:21.410 --> 00:39:27.330
actually have a ton of sensations. So you can have armpit gasms and neck gasms and ear gasms

00:39:27.330 --> 00:39:33.970
and heart gasms and chakra gasms and third eye gasms and gasms, and we've got all this potential.

00:39:34.610 --> 00:39:40.290
But if all we think is that we just rub genitals, we are missing the boat to true

00:39:40.850 --> 00:39:46.770
sexual and sensual satisfaction. I think that's true. And for me, a big one too, is my hair. Like

00:39:46.770 --> 00:39:51.570
I love my hair being played with, you know, like, yeah, I don't know what it is. I, you know,

00:39:51.570 --> 00:39:58.530
your hair is dead, right? Your hair's dead, but it's connected to these, to the scalp and that's

00:39:58.530 --> 00:39:59.730
alive. Yeah.

00:39:59.730 --> 00:40:02.730
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:02.730 --> 00:40:04.290
It's quite amazing. So true.

00:40:04.290 --> 00:40:07.010
And yeah, you hear that, too, about people like maybe are having sex

00:40:07.010 --> 00:40:10.490
and they're not doing enough foreplay or or he or she just goes straight

00:40:10.490 --> 00:40:12.290
for the clit or straight for the dick.

00:40:12.290 --> 00:40:15.930
And now that's just missing out, missing out.

00:40:16.170 --> 00:40:19.850
Yeah. Another tip for the audience is like, look, if you really want to turn on,

00:40:20.290 --> 00:40:25.370
especially female bodies, you start and you go from the extremities in

00:40:25.850 --> 00:40:27.810
and a lot of people make mistakes.

00:40:27.810 --> 00:40:31.730
They go straight to twist in her nipples or trying to Robert Clinton.

00:40:31.730 --> 00:40:33.130
It's like, no, no, no, no, no.

00:40:33.130 --> 00:40:35.410
It starts with how you hold her hand.

00:40:35.410 --> 00:40:39.330
Yeah, it starts with you saying something intelligent about how she looks,

00:40:39.490 --> 00:40:42.170
not just like a great tits or your eyes are real pretty.

00:40:42.170 --> 00:40:47.010
It's wow, that that dress looks so smoking on you or wow,

00:40:47.370 --> 00:40:48.930
you are so funny.

00:40:48.930 --> 00:40:53.130
I've just bubble up in joy when I'm around you, you know, or God, your eyes

00:40:53.130 --> 00:40:56.010
and your smile, like they just light up a room.

00:40:56.410 --> 00:41:00.450
There's and then it's like so you're you're opening her.

00:41:00.770 --> 00:41:02.530
Women need to open.

00:41:02.530 --> 00:41:07.130
And so oftentimes they flinch back or they contract

00:41:07.130 --> 00:41:11.530
when you're going too fast, too soon to primary arachnid zones.

00:41:11.930 --> 00:41:15.810
You know, caress her arm, feel the small of her back,

00:41:16.010 --> 00:41:19.930
caress the side of her waist, move her hair away from her neck

00:41:21.090 --> 00:41:22.769
and then caress her neck.

00:41:22.769 --> 00:41:26.450
It's like it's the subtleties that end up opening her body.

00:41:26.450 --> 00:41:30.130
And and if you want proof, try it both ways.

00:41:30.290 --> 00:41:31.410
Yeah. Yeah. Watch.

00:41:31.410 --> 00:41:33.170
Is she closing or is she opening?

00:41:33.170 --> 00:41:34.450
Because she'll lean into you.

00:41:34.450 --> 00:41:35.489
She's opening.

00:41:35.489 --> 00:41:36.810
She'll move her body.

00:41:36.810 --> 00:41:39.130
So you touch her more, right?

00:41:39.170 --> 00:41:40.970
Or she'll kind of shrink back.

00:41:40.970 --> 00:41:42.450
She'll shift away.

00:41:42.450 --> 00:41:46.570
She'll move her body language so that you don't have as much contact.

00:41:47.050 --> 00:41:51.130
And and men typically and I'm doing some generalization.

00:41:51.130 --> 00:41:53.970
So, of course, different times of the month, we're going to feel different things.

00:41:53.970 --> 00:41:56.530
We're going to want different things for both men and women.

00:41:56.730 --> 00:41:59.250
But by and large, men, it's like, yeah, you can pretty much go straight

00:41:59.250 --> 00:42:01.050
for the cock and they'll be happy.

00:42:01.050 --> 00:42:02.610
Right. That's true.

00:42:02.610 --> 00:42:06.370
Not to say they don't want a full body massage sometimes, too, because.

00:42:06.370 --> 00:42:07.050
Right, right.

00:42:08.250 --> 00:42:10.050
What what do you do if you're with a partner

00:42:10.050 --> 00:42:12.210
that doesn't want to do any of that stuff with you?

00:42:12.210 --> 00:42:14.810
Like they just either don't want to do it or they won't do it.

00:42:14.810 --> 00:42:17.330
Or you even ask and they say, no, I'm not going to do that.

00:42:18.330 --> 00:42:19.610
Yeah, so I would.

00:42:19.610 --> 00:42:22.650
It's really, you know, for me, it's it's it's

00:42:23.210 --> 00:42:27.130
it's really hard to separate the rejection or the disappointment

00:42:28.530 --> 00:42:32.130
of that and then to make it about you and to attack yourself,

00:42:32.130 --> 00:42:34.450
that there's something wrong with you, that they don't want.

00:42:34.450 --> 00:42:39.410
Yeah. And so like the first thing to do is just take a few breaths

00:42:39.809 --> 00:42:42.610
and practice like, OK, that's them, it's not me.

00:42:43.330 --> 00:42:47.450
And they probably feel this way with other people from the past

00:42:47.450 --> 00:42:49.530
or who they might be with in the future.

00:42:49.530 --> 00:42:52.050
And so then it's just like, well, then you just get curious.

00:42:52.090 --> 00:42:53.730
Well, that's really interesting.

00:42:53.730 --> 00:42:59.970
What what what's causing the reaction or why is not doing that important to you?

00:43:00.610 --> 00:43:05.610
What what what comes up for you when you, you know,

00:43:06.850 --> 00:43:10.770
feel closed at the idea of, you know, rubbing my feet

00:43:10.770 --> 00:43:14.690
or holding my hand or not going straight for my breasts?

00:43:14.690 --> 00:43:17.730
You know, like, why don't you want to take more time here?

00:43:18.170 --> 00:43:22.730
And I think the typical response is it's not going to be

00:43:22.730 --> 00:43:25.210
an easy conversation for them.

00:43:25.210 --> 00:43:27.050
They may not have a fast answer.

00:43:27.050 --> 00:43:28.770
They may not know.

00:43:28.770 --> 00:43:33.050
And so they may just get flustered and frustrated and sort of feel shut down.

00:43:33.330 --> 00:43:36.290
And if you can just hold the space of not being too reactive

00:43:36.809 --> 00:43:40.130
and just allow them the space to feel a little crunchy

00:43:40.770 --> 00:43:45.090
and even if that first conversation doesn't go well, try to have it

00:43:45.410 --> 00:43:49.570
three, four or five, six more times to see if they can come forward

00:43:49.890 --> 00:43:52.170
and be curious about themselves.

00:43:52.170 --> 00:43:55.530
And, you know, if it were me, I'm not going to hang out that long.

00:43:56.130 --> 00:43:58.250
Like I will be compassionate.

00:43:58.250 --> 00:43:59.770
I will be curious.

00:43:59.770 --> 00:44:04.930
I will suggest therapy or let's get coaching or how can I make you feel safe

00:44:05.210 --> 00:44:07.450
so you feel like you can explore this?

00:44:07.810 --> 00:44:13.530
And and if in if I if I bring the support and you still say, no,

00:44:13.530 --> 00:44:16.970
well, I know what I'm worth and I'm going to be with someone

00:44:16.970 --> 00:44:19.930
who wants to be engaged in having epic sex.

00:44:20.290 --> 00:44:23.490
And if that's not you, go find somebody else. Right.

00:44:24.970 --> 00:44:27.410
And I'm not going to throw in the towel right away.

00:44:27.450 --> 00:44:29.690
You know, I'm going to I'm going to work on it.

00:44:30.010 --> 00:44:34.889
And I'm going to also notice what arises in me that makes us hurt so bad.

00:44:35.490 --> 00:44:40.570
Right. Because chances are this is picking an owie

00:44:41.010 --> 00:44:43.970
that's been there long before this partner. Right.

00:44:44.330 --> 00:44:47.290
And so I ask yourself, what does this remind me of?

00:44:47.810 --> 00:44:49.730
Who does this remind me of?

00:44:49.730 --> 00:44:53.530
What are other times in my past that I have felt this hurt?

00:44:54.930 --> 00:44:58.530
Because then you can take responsibility for going, well, this triggers me.

00:44:58.930 --> 00:45:00.130
This is hard for me.

00:45:00.130 --> 00:45:04.330
This is what arises for me when you feel that way,

00:45:04.330 --> 00:45:07.930
because it reminds me of, you know, my dad didn't go to my basketball game,

00:45:07.930 --> 00:45:09.490
but he always went to my brother's football games,

00:45:09.490 --> 00:45:11.090
whatever the case may be. Right.

00:45:11.090 --> 00:45:14.290
It's like and then you just get to learn more about yourself.

00:45:14.290 --> 00:45:16.650
And when you can be vulnerable,

00:45:16.650 --> 00:45:20.970
people tend to respect vulnerability as a path to greater intimacy.

00:45:22.690 --> 00:45:24.290
But, you know, then there's just those people

00:45:24.290 --> 00:45:26.210
who just can't look at their shit.

00:45:26.210 --> 00:45:27.850
Yeah, there is. Can't look at it.

00:45:27.850 --> 00:45:31.730
And, you know, I feel really sorry.

00:45:31.730 --> 00:45:35.130
And and do I feel compassionate?

00:45:35.130 --> 00:45:36.930
Yeah, I do feel compassionate.

00:45:36.930 --> 00:45:38.010
But I also feel frustrated.

00:45:38.010 --> 00:45:40.650
It's like, come on, come on.

00:45:40.930 --> 00:45:42.570
What are you waiting for?

00:45:42.570 --> 00:45:46.410
Look at the little bit of hard things and you're going to find freedom.

00:45:47.090 --> 00:45:48.370
Absolutely.

00:45:48.370 --> 00:45:51.770
Oh, come on. It's it's this woo stuff.

00:45:51.770 --> 00:45:53.889
I mean, it's not that bad.

00:45:53.889 --> 00:45:56.889
Exactly. It leads you to bliss.

00:45:57.170 --> 00:45:58.370
Let's go. I know.

00:45:58.370 --> 00:46:00.570
You know, you can't miss with bliss.

00:46:01.050 --> 00:46:02.330
Who doesn't want bliss?

00:46:02.330 --> 00:46:03.650
I want bliss.

00:46:03.650 --> 00:46:05.730
And we got stuff that's in front of it.

00:46:06.090 --> 00:46:08.330
So don't be afraid of your shit, man.

00:46:08.330 --> 00:46:11.210
Your shit is is like it's part of being human.

00:46:11.690 --> 00:46:13.610
So we don't take it too seriously.

00:46:13.610 --> 00:46:14.690
We get a little curious about it.

00:46:14.690 --> 00:46:17.530
We get on the other side really fast and then we just get to have more fun.

00:46:19.970 --> 00:46:22.370
So tell me a little bit more of the tantra.

00:46:22.370 --> 00:46:25.410
I'm so curious, like I just know some things about it.

00:46:25.410 --> 00:46:26.410
I don't know a lot.

00:46:26.410 --> 00:46:28.690
So any anything you want to share about that?

00:46:28.690 --> 00:46:30.610
I would love to just hear more.

00:46:31.090 --> 00:46:33.450
Yeah, I think.

00:46:34.170 --> 00:46:38.090
I think what is very compelling about it

00:46:38.090 --> 00:46:42.570
is sort of this experience of going of like swimming

00:46:42.570 --> 00:46:46.450
in the deep end of sexuality, where I think a lot of us,

00:46:46.450 --> 00:46:48.650
it feels like we don't know how to get there.

00:46:48.650 --> 00:46:51.050
We're still swimming in the shallow end, right?

00:46:51.050 --> 00:46:55.130
It's all just about getting our parts together and creating like friction.

00:46:55.410 --> 00:46:57.330
And then we hope everyone comes.

00:46:57.330 --> 00:47:02.370
And and then that can last for a little while in chemistry.

00:47:02.810 --> 00:47:06.530
But then if you're in a long term relationship, our chemistry fades.

00:47:06.810 --> 00:47:09.450
Our love can deepen.

00:47:09.450 --> 00:47:13.810
But the horniness and the desire to want to rip each other's clothes off,

00:47:13.810 --> 00:47:17.290
like when you were dating the first six months, that starts to go away.

00:47:17.610 --> 00:47:20.810
And that happens in any relationship, in tantric relationships, too.

00:47:21.090 --> 00:47:23.450
And so you have to have skills

00:47:24.090 --> 00:47:28.650
to come back and reinvigorate the brain chemistry

00:47:28.970 --> 00:47:32.250
so that you can have the oolala's that last decades.

00:47:32.450 --> 00:47:35.450
And that takes skill.

00:47:35.450 --> 00:47:36.690
It takes tools.

00:47:36.690 --> 00:47:38.570
It takes consciousness and it takes

00:47:39.970 --> 00:47:41.130
desire.

00:47:41.130 --> 00:47:43.250
And so you got to be able to cultivate that.

00:47:43.250 --> 00:47:46.010
And one of the things that tantra does is it looks at

00:47:46.250 --> 00:47:48.810
how can we actually cultivate our sexual energy?

00:47:49.490 --> 00:47:54.130
So think about, for instance, like a beautiful piece of artwork, right?

00:47:54.130 --> 00:47:55.730
A masterpiece, right?

00:47:55.730 --> 00:47:58.010
If you take a look at sex as an art form,

00:47:58.330 --> 00:48:01.970
the highest form of creation is that which gives life.

00:48:02.250 --> 00:48:07.130
Like as a woman, my body knows how to make eyeballs and elbows

00:48:07.130 --> 00:48:11.930
and all sorts of miraculous things with this thing that we can do called life.

00:48:11.970 --> 00:48:14.770
Now, I've chosen not to have a human baby.

00:48:14.770 --> 00:48:16.250
Big fan of puppies.

00:48:16.250 --> 00:48:20.050
And I've got one of those, but I'm not going to be a human mom.

00:48:21.370 --> 00:48:24.570
But it's still a miraculous thing that our body's capable of.

00:48:24.570 --> 00:48:26.490
And that is called life force energy.

00:48:26.490 --> 00:48:28.570
It's the highest form of creation.

00:48:28.930 --> 00:48:33.810
And that dwells in our second chakra known as the genitals.

00:48:34.090 --> 00:48:38.210
And so we've got this spinning, amazing life filled energy.

00:48:38.210 --> 00:48:40.649
And it's also the same energy, that creative life force.

00:48:40.649 --> 00:48:44.610
It's the same energy that makes us passionate for our life,

00:48:44.890 --> 00:48:47.130
that makes us passionate about what we create at work,

00:48:47.330 --> 00:48:49.330
that makes us passionate about how we raise our kids.

00:48:49.330 --> 00:48:51.170
It makes us passionate for our spouse.

00:48:51.170 --> 00:48:55.730
It makes it passionate for whatever we believe in in terms of the spiritual thing.

00:48:55.730 --> 00:49:01.210
It makes us passionate about living a life that's filled, you know, with passion.

00:49:01.210 --> 00:49:03.290
And that goes beyond the bedroom.

00:49:03.290 --> 00:49:06.930
So what the tantrics understood is that if you can cultivate your life

00:49:06.930 --> 00:49:11.810
force, creative energy and sex and sexuality is the number one way

00:49:11.810 --> 00:49:14.570
is the number one way to generate that energy,

00:49:14.850 --> 00:49:17.570
then you can use it as fuel for the rest of your life.

00:49:18.130 --> 00:49:22.770
And so if I'm connected to who I am as a sensual, sexual being,

00:49:23.010 --> 00:49:25.850
because I stay connected, I'm sexually active,

00:49:25.850 --> 00:49:29.730
I have a relationship to my sexual self, not just my sexual partner.

00:49:30.010 --> 00:49:34.930
I'm I'm curious about being intimate and real and being deep and vulnerable

00:49:34.930 --> 00:49:37.650
and creating intimacy in multiple parts of my life.

00:49:37.930 --> 00:49:42.010
Then I am actually engaging in that creative life force energy.

00:49:42.290 --> 00:49:46.210
And then I can use my breath, my intention, my consciousness,

00:49:46.490 --> 00:49:50.570
and I can direct that life force energy to any area in my life.

00:49:50.850 --> 00:49:53.610
And so when you've got two or three or more partners

00:49:53.850 --> 00:49:58.330
who all want to generate that for themselves

00:49:58.770 --> 00:50:03.250
and you go, then you got a playground, then you can really help serve each other.

00:50:03.250 --> 00:50:06.250
And one of the things I think Tantra does so well,

00:50:06.290 --> 00:50:09.130
that's very different than other types of sexual practices.

00:50:10.290 --> 00:50:13.050
If we're looking at red Tantra, like I mentioned earlier,

00:50:13.050 --> 00:50:16.610
there's white Tantra, which is the practice that's basically it's like

00:50:16.970 --> 00:50:20.090
you're in a band, but you're not going to be a very good band member

00:50:20.090 --> 00:50:22.170
if you don't practice your instrument.

00:50:22.170 --> 00:50:25.170
So if you want to make awesome music, you also got to practice at home.

00:50:25.490 --> 00:50:28.250
So the same thing with sex, if you want to be an awesome lover,

00:50:28.250 --> 00:50:29.570
you also got to practice at home.

00:50:29.570 --> 00:50:32.330
You have to actually cultivate the things that cultivate more energy.

00:50:32.610 --> 00:50:34.890
And so that's the white Tantra. That's your solo practice.

00:50:34.890 --> 00:50:37.650
And then you have the red Tantra, which is basically the practice

00:50:37.650 --> 00:50:39.450
you do with another body.

00:50:39.450 --> 00:50:41.890
And so if you want to have high octave red Tantra,

00:50:42.170 --> 00:50:46.290
then you got to be able to come with all your skills

00:50:46.730 --> 00:50:48.570
and learn how to make the music.

00:50:48.570 --> 00:50:52.810
And so there's lots of practices that one can engage in

00:50:53.250 --> 00:50:58.530
in red Tantra, as much as we can have different sexual experiences

00:50:58.530 --> 00:51:02.650
and proclivities and favorite things to do to get off.

00:51:02.930 --> 00:51:05.130
That's that can all be in the realm of red Tantra.

00:51:05.450 --> 00:51:09.650
But what's unique is they separate oftentimes, not in every practice,

00:51:09.650 --> 00:51:12.410
but oftentimes you separate the role of giver and receiver.

00:51:12.650 --> 00:51:15.450
This is especially important in the beginning,

00:51:16.170 --> 00:51:20.050
because one of the things that we really miss as sexual beings

00:51:20.850 --> 00:51:23.010
is we're both trying to do something to someone

00:51:23.250 --> 00:51:25.610
like we're trying to receive and give at the same time.

00:51:26.010 --> 00:51:28.210
Someone's trying to do us and we're trying to do them.

00:51:28.610 --> 00:51:30.610
Right. And we can't.

00:51:30.610 --> 00:51:34.290
We miss so much subtle sensation

00:51:34.970 --> 00:51:38.050
and understanding of how our pleasure moves in our body

00:51:38.530 --> 00:51:40.930
when we're not focused on our experience.

00:51:41.290 --> 00:51:45.450
So by breaking up the role of giver and receiver, you know what your job is.

00:51:45.770 --> 00:51:49.970
If I'm the receiver, my job is to pay attention

00:51:50.610 --> 00:51:53.370
to what's happening in my body and follow it.

00:51:53.650 --> 00:51:57.170
Not not fantasize, not worry, but to actually go,

00:51:57.170 --> 00:51:59.730
where am I sensing the sensation?

00:52:00.530 --> 00:52:04.770
Their hands are getting close to my velva vulva.

00:52:04.930 --> 00:52:06.770
They're caressing my inner thigh.

00:52:06.770 --> 00:52:08.450
They're squeezing my ass.

00:52:08.450 --> 00:52:11.850
I arch that they go deeper and they get closer to my vulva.

00:52:11.850 --> 00:52:13.010
So they'll touch my pussy.

00:52:13.010 --> 00:52:16.570
You know, it's like all these things that like I'm and I'm

00:52:16.570 --> 00:52:18.730
because I'm right there for it.

00:52:19.250 --> 00:52:20.850
I notice all the subtlety.

00:52:20.850 --> 00:52:25.210
I notice the reactions, even the ones that come and tell me I feel numb.

00:52:25.730 --> 00:52:26.850
I don't feel anything.

00:52:26.850 --> 00:52:28.410
I feel stuck.

00:52:28.410 --> 00:52:32.370
I feel like everyone else gets orgasms, but I don't.

00:52:32.690 --> 00:52:35.530
Right. It's like if you if you're in all of us go through that

00:52:35.530 --> 00:52:36.810
at some point in our life.

00:52:36.810 --> 00:52:39.370
So if I'm numb.

00:52:39.370 --> 00:52:41.290
Can I just be with numb?

00:52:41.290 --> 00:52:43.290
Because that's the only way to get past numb.

00:52:43.690 --> 00:52:46.250
Yeah. Is you got to you got to breathe your way through it.

00:52:46.250 --> 00:52:49.290
And then what's waiting for you is probably your biggest orgasm you ever had.

00:52:49.290 --> 00:52:52.450
But because we're trying to avoid numb, we'll never get there

00:52:52.650 --> 00:52:55.130
because we're judging it and we're feeling like failures

00:52:55.130 --> 00:52:56.170
or we're blaming someone else.

00:52:56.170 --> 00:52:57.970
And it's their fault because they're not doing it right.

00:52:57.970 --> 00:53:01.490
So by having a chance to be the receiver and study your pleasure,

00:53:01.490 --> 00:53:03.530
you start to find out what you like.

00:53:03.530 --> 00:53:06.810
You start to find out what opens you and you start to notice

00:53:06.810 --> 00:53:08.290
the things that close you.

00:53:08.290 --> 00:53:12.450
Now, as the and so and you also have to pay attention, learn to breathe,

00:53:12.450 --> 00:53:15.730
make sound, get courageous, have your eyes open and be seen.

00:53:15.730 --> 00:53:17.650
It's fucking vulnerable to be the receiver.

00:53:17.650 --> 00:53:19.970
And it's also awesome. Right.

00:53:19.970 --> 00:53:21.610
And most people suck at it.

00:53:21.610 --> 00:53:23.610
So then we have the giver.

00:53:24.210 --> 00:53:26.450
And the job of the giver is to grow in their skill set.

00:53:26.450 --> 00:53:29.890
It's to grow and delight

00:53:30.410 --> 00:53:35.250
in the touch and in using their mouth and using their eyes

00:53:35.250 --> 00:53:38.250
and using their words and using their whole body to be a lover.

00:53:38.650 --> 00:53:41.690
And so as you get better and better at the art of touching,

00:53:41.690 --> 00:53:44.810
at the art of kissing, at the art of oral lovemaking,

00:53:45.570 --> 00:53:49.650
all of these things make you more and more masterful.

00:53:49.650 --> 00:53:53.010
And when you don't have to worry about what someone's doing to you,

00:53:53.450 --> 00:53:57.290
you get to really concentrate on exactly what's happening with your lover

00:53:57.290 --> 00:53:58.810
so you can track them.

00:53:58.810 --> 00:54:00.930
You can follow. You're noticing.

00:54:00.930 --> 00:54:02.930
Are they opening? Are they closing?

00:54:02.930 --> 00:54:04.770
If I do this, what happens?

00:54:04.770 --> 00:54:08.810
If I go faster here, if I slow down here, if I am still.

00:54:10.290 --> 00:54:12.490
What happens in the stillness?

00:54:12.490 --> 00:54:17.370
Right. That's another thing that Tantra is really has brought to the table.

00:54:17.610 --> 00:54:21.490
So much beauty and profound experiences is stillness.

00:54:21.770 --> 00:54:24.690
Can you be sexual and be still?

00:54:25.210 --> 00:54:29.450
Because in that stillness and most women, I mean, we have a teacher training

00:54:29.450 --> 00:54:34.970
and it's usually not until the third level of a three year program

00:54:34.970 --> 00:54:38.930
where they get to their third level teacher training, where they finally

00:54:38.930 --> 00:54:41.490
they've been hearing about it for years, still be still,

00:54:41.970 --> 00:54:44.610
but being still is really hard.

00:54:44.610 --> 00:54:47.250
And so when they finally get it, I mean, women

00:54:47.250 --> 00:54:49.930
end up having the most stupendous,

00:54:51.570 --> 00:54:54.570
profound experiences of pleasure they've ever had

00:54:54.610 --> 00:54:57.850
because they've never been still and a lover's never been still.

00:54:58.090 --> 00:55:01.450
I mean, we get in your genitals and we think our job is just to move, move, move.

00:55:03.370 --> 00:55:06.490
But stillness is sort of this epic thing that's very underrated.

00:55:06.890 --> 00:55:10.650
So so you just you learn so much about yourself

00:55:10.650 --> 00:55:13.810
and your lover when you break up those roles of giver and receiver.

00:55:14.490 --> 00:55:16.130
Oh, this has been so amazing.

00:55:16.170 --> 00:55:19.490
You have a wealth of knowledge and you're so not.

00:55:19.530 --> 00:55:21.370
I mean, all of the stuff you said is just awesome.

00:55:21.370 --> 00:55:23.010
And I want to learn more and more about it.

00:55:23.010 --> 00:55:27.250
But could you please tell everyone where they can find you and

00:55:27.570 --> 00:55:30.570
different social media areas they can find you and what you offer?

00:55:30.970 --> 00:55:32.770
Of course. Yeah, I'd be happy to.

00:55:32.770 --> 00:55:36.370
So one of the ways that you can get to know me real well is if you check out

00:55:36.370 --> 00:55:40.370
the Sex Reimagined podcast, I'm on all the streaming sites and of course,

00:55:40.810 --> 00:55:42.170
on YouTube as well.

00:55:42.170 --> 00:55:44.130
And I have a co-host, Dr. Willow Brown.

00:55:44.130 --> 00:55:46.410
And I'm sort of the tantra expert on the show.

00:55:46.410 --> 00:55:48.090
And she is the Taoist expert.

00:55:48.090 --> 00:55:50.530
So the Tao and Tantra are interesting.

00:55:50.530 --> 00:55:53.130
They're very complementary, but they're a little different.

00:55:53.450 --> 00:55:57.530
Where tantra uses sexual energy to spiritually awaken,

00:55:57.530 --> 00:56:01.130
to have more pleasure, to create more intimacy and to

00:56:02.170 --> 00:56:06.370
have these sort of transcendent emotional experiences of healing and whatnot.

00:56:06.370 --> 00:56:08.970
The Taoism takes the same sexual energy,

00:56:08.970 --> 00:56:12.050
but they use it to heal the organs and the body.

00:56:12.050 --> 00:56:16.690
And it's all about vitality and youth and generation and immortality

00:56:16.690 --> 00:56:19.930
and like really being super healthy and filled with vitality.

00:56:19.930 --> 00:56:22.250
So they're very complementary paths.

00:56:22.570 --> 00:56:27.370
And and then we've got experts that we bring on every month.

00:56:27.370 --> 00:56:30.410
So three weeks out of the month, we have a sexpert on the show.

00:56:30.410 --> 00:56:32.330
And that could be an author,

00:56:32.330 --> 00:56:34.370
erotica number, you name it,

00:56:34.370 --> 00:56:36.730
author, erotica novelist.

00:56:36.730 --> 00:56:39.010
We got to have you on our show.

00:56:39.010 --> 00:56:40.810
It could be a researcher.

00:56:40.810 --> 00:56:43.210
It could be a porn star.

00:56:43.210 --> 00:56:45.730
It could be every if it has to do with sexuality.

00:56:45.730 --> 00:56:49.050
We want to engage the conversation and help people open their minds.

00:56:49.450 --> 00:56:52.930
And then and then once a week or once a month,

00:56:52.930 --> 00:56:56.490
it's just Willow and I riffing and certain topics that we're passionate about.

00:56:56.490 --> 00:56:59.050
So I really invite the audience to come.

00:56:59.050 --> 00:57:03.890
It's free and it's a great way to get to know myself and Dr. Willow.

00:57:04.130 --> 00:57:05.930
And then we've got online courses.

00:57:05.930 --> 00:57:08.450
So one of my favorite courses that we have is a program

00:57:08.450 --> 00:57:12.809
called Last Ten Times Longer, and it is for men to be able to

00:57:13.569 --> 00:57:17.890
basically make love, have sex as long as they want to

00:57:17.890 --> 00:57:20.770
without losing their erections.

00:57:20.770 --> 00:57:23.730
Or if you are you tend to

00:57:25.290 --> 00:57:27.250
ejaculate sooner than you want to.

00:57:27.250 --> 00:57:29.690
Tantra is been brilliant.

00:57:29.690 --> 00:57:33.490
They have the most simple technologies that are so successful.

00:57:33.490 --> 00:57:36.850
My private practice was working with men for years who are premature

00:57:36.850 --> 00:57:39.650
ejaculators, and you can eradicate that.

00:57:39.930 --> 00:57:42.930
And it's just all about finding your favorite technique

00:57:42.930 --> 00:57:45.090
and working with your breath and concentrating

00:57:45.090 --> 00:57:47.330
and doing a few things in your solo practice.

00:57:47.330 --> 00:57:51.170
And so we've got a whole course all about lasting longer

00:57:51.170 --> 00:57:54.490
and quadrupling the length and the power of your ejaculatory orgasm

00:57:54.490 --> 00:57:55.570
for when you do want to come.

00:57:56.690 --> 00:57:58.690
So that's a very popular program.

00:57:58.690 --> 00:58:03.170
And then we also have a course all about female sacred spot,

00:58:03.170 --> 00:58:08.410
the cervical orgasm and clitoral orgasms and how to have that blended orgasm.

00:58:08.650 --> 00:58:12.570
And also, when you think about one of the things we touch on is sexual healing.

00:58:12.890 --> 00:58:17.330
One out of three women have had some kind of sexual violation in their life.

00:58:17.690 --> 00:58:20.570
And that basically means that everyone is likely going to date

00:58:20.570 --> 00:58:22.490
someone who's been sexually abused.

00:58:22.490 --> 00:58:27.130
And there comes with some complications and how that woman feels about her body

00:58:27.130 --> 00:58:32.010
and how sexually free or oppressed she feels, how she sexually acts out.

00:58:32.370 --> 00:58:35.090
And and how she tends to shut down.

00:58:35.330 --> 00:58:36.970
So it's just really good information to have.

00:58:36.970 --> 00:58:39.410
Again, a lot of that's from a tantric perspective.

00:58:39.410 --> 00:58:41.290
And then I do one on one work.

00:58:41.290 --> 00:58:43.130
I work with people. I do coaching.

00:58:43.130 --> 00:58:45.330
And then I also do these things called VIP retreats.

00:58:45.650 --> 00:58:48.490
And it's a unique, unique experience where people can come

00:58:48.490 --> 00:58:49.970
and spend a couple of days with me.

00:58:49.970 --> 00:58:52.850
And I teach them the tantra on their body.

00:58:53.090 --> 00:58:56.810
And if they're a couple, they come and I teach them how to practice together.

00:58:57.210 --> 00:59:01.450
So check out my website, moreloveworks.com.

00:59:01.450 --> 00:59:04.810
And then also the sexreimagined.com.

00:59:05.530 --> 00:59:07.210
And that all sounds fantastic.

00:59:07.210 --> 00:59:09.770
Yeah. Lots of ways to engage.

00:59:09.770 --> 00:59:12.570
Awesome. Oh, that is so amazing and so interesting.

00:59:12.570 --> 00:59:14.410
And I love it. It's just wonderful.

00:59:14.410 --> 00:59:16.010
So thank you for what you do.

00:59:16.010 --> 00:59:17.890
And thanks for coming on my show.

00:59:17.890 --> 00:59:21.210
You bet. And if you want to hang out on social media,

00:59:21.210 --> 00:59:24.410
I tend to just be on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.

00:59:24.450 --> 00:59:26.050
So that's where to find me.

00:59:26.050 --> 00:59:28.250
Awesome. And what's your handle?

00:59:29.250 --> 00:59:34.410
The handle on Instagram is there's two of them.

00:59:34.410 --> 00:59:36.370
It's at sex reimagined podcast.

00:59:36.370 --> 00:59:39.650
And the other one is at more love works.

00:59:39.650 --> 00:59:41.130
Underscore Leah Piper.

00:59:41.130 --> 00:59:43.610
And then TikTok. It's at sex reimagined.

00:59:44.410 --> 00:59:47.450
Awesome. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

00:59:47.450 --> 00:59:50.130
So thank you so much. And you have an amazing day.

00:59:50.530 --> 00:59:52.010
Thank you. Thanks so much for having me.

00:59:52.010 --> 00:59:53.570
Bye, y'all. Bye bye.

00:59:58.250 --> 00:59:59.250
Bye bye.

00:59:59.250 --> 01:00:06.250
.
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