How Cannabis Improves Sex with Sex and Relationship Coach Ashley Manta

Ep 325: How Cannabis Improves Sex with Sex and Relationships Coach Ashley Manta. Ashley shared her knowledge about cannabis, CBD, and sex in our discussion. She's got years of experience coaching people about sex and relationships. She offers help in the form of individual coaching, classes/events, and customized help. She will travel! Ashley says, "Cannabis can be used to enhance sensation, ease discomfort, and promote intimacy during solo or partnered play."  We also talked about dirty talk and how we should be speaking during sex, and why. And we all are responsible for our own pleasure.

Activating Your Cosmic Pussy Mushroom Week
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Oakland Psychelics Conference, including kink and pyschelcis, wellness, health, plant medicine
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/oakland-psychedelics-conference-tickets-657869895567

Connect with Ashley: On Instagram: cannasexual
https://www.ashleymanta.com/cannasexual
https://www.ashleymanta.com/

Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual® brand. She is the author of The CBD Solution: Sex, published in 2020 in conjunction with Merry Jane and Chronicle Books. She completed her certification as a Bodysex® Facilitator after studying with legendary pleasure pioneer Betty Dodson.

Ashley is the creator of the Activating Your Cosmic Pussy sisterhood and a series of online intensives and retreats. She and colleague Dr. Shannon Chavez often collaborate to offer in-person retreats they call Pleasure Camp in Hawaii, California, and other locations around the world. Ashley and Dr. Shannon also offer concierge coaching for women and couples.

RUAN'S most recent BOOKS/AUDIOBOOKS:
Neighborhood Sex Secrets:
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Decadent Erotica: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/decadenteroticaaudiobook
The Limo Sex Challenge novella book 5 of 6: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/thelimosexchallenge
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Transcript

Transcript created by Substack. It is not 100% accurate. Please email Ruan Willow at ruanwillow@gmail.com with questions.
Episode 325 of 325 total, Season 3

Hello, this is Ruan Willow with the How Fck Yeah with Ruan Willow podcast.

I'm super excited you're here today.

I have an amazing guest who talks about things that can help you have better sex.

In this episode, How Cannabis Improves Sex with Sex and Relationships Coach Ashley Manta.

If you're under 18, it is time to leave the podcast because this is meant for adults only.

and on my podcast I talk about sex and sexuality all things to help you have better sex and that includes narrating erotica on my podcast I have tons of erotic fiction that I narrate and tons of amazing amazing

Yes, so check me out on podcast apps everywhere and also on this particular channel, the Planet X Network.

Okay, I am so excited.

We had such a great chat, Ashley Manta and I, we really did.

Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of the Cannisexual brand.

She is the author of the CBD Solution Sex published in 2020 in conjunction with Mary Jane and Chronicle Books.

She completed her certification as a Body Sex Facilitator after studying with Legendary Pleasures pioneer Betty Dodson.

Ashley is the creator of the Activating Your Cosmic Pussy Sisterhood and a series of online intensives and retreats.

She and colleague Dr. Shannon Chavez often collaborate to offer in-person retreats.

They call Pleasure Camp in Hawaii, California, and other locations around the world.

Ashley and Dr. Shannon also offer concierge coaching for women and couples.

and Ashley has some events coming up this particular week.

If you are in the Oakland California vicinity you can check out the Activating Your Cosmic Pussy Mushroom Week event Saturday the 14th from 6 to 8 30 p.m.

Oakland California.

At this event

Who should attend?

People with vulvas who want to activate and or deepen their cosmic relationship to their cosmic pussy.

If you'd like more information of that, check her out on Instagram at Cannasexual.

C-A-N-N-A-S-E-X-U-A-L

So check her out there to get more information and then she's also going to be a part of the Oakland Psychedelics Conference Saturday September 16th to the 17th 10 a.m.

starting at 10 a.m.

PDT time coming to you as a part of the psychedelic movement while centering and uplifting the legacy psychedelics community learn about kink and psychedelics

wellness health plant medicine and so much more so again you can find more information about these two events on her instagram at canna sexual c-a-n-n-a-s-c-x-u-a-l and for the audio version it will be down in the podcast show notes to see the links to her information as well as mine check out my new book Neighborhood Sex Secrets is out live now it's a

Long erotic romance of female liberation.

One particular woman is going on a journey and the things she used to dream about, the taboo things she used to dream about in her room alone she actually does in real life in the book and she has two

particular men who help her meet all of the goals of her sexual bucket list that can be found on Amazon and all the online sellers.

Also the Limo Sex Challenge my book is now out this is a fifth novella in a six series book series the Sex Challenge series and this is the Limo Sex Challenge for this couple which is a second marriage couple who really enjoy playing sex games with each other and they just try to get each other to come all day long so

The entire series takes place over one Saturday and they're challenging each other trying to make each other cum all over.

They go to the grocery store.

They're in their own home.

They go on a limo ride obviously.

So they have a lot of fun.

And one more book in that series before it's done.

My books are on Amazon.

Check me out.

Ruan Willow also on online sellers and I also do audiobooks.

I have a lot of Not Safe for Work audiobooks you can get as well on Audible.

Oh gosh.

all the places that sell audiobooks I have books everywhere so check it out baby and don't forget to enjoy your bodies you were meant to enjoy your bodies we were given these organs for a reason to enjoy give yourself some natural fixes to help yourself feel better stress relief and just feel fucking amazing baby do it okay I'm excited to present this to you and we had a great amazing chat are you ready are you ready let's go

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Hello everyone.

I'm super excited to talk to this person.

She has a very unique approach to sexuality and sex and so it's going to be so much fun and I hope you enjoy this.

I want to welcome Ashley Manta to the podcast.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you today?

I'm feeling fantastic.

It's a beautiful day in the Central Coast.

Wow that's awesome.

Very very cool.

So I am going to start off talking about who and what you are.

You are an award-winning concierge sex and relationship coach and an author and you lead retreats.

Did I miss any little sexy morsels there?

Those are the big pieces for sure.

Awesome.

And so what does the concierge part mean?

I was like, I mean, I know what one is, but how does that for you apply to sex and relationship coaching?

Yeah, absolutely.

So I have sort of a split coaching practice.

One is the clients that I see personally and those are all via Zoom.

and then I also the concierge part is with my colleague Dr. Shannon Chavez who is a psychologist and sex therapist and she and I have teamed up to offer really specialized kind of VIP coaching for people who have whatever they consider non-traditional lives where they can't do a weekly therapy or coaching session where they want to do a deep dive either a full day or a weekend or even a week and they will fly us to wherever they want to do the work

and they will have our undivided attention for that capsule of time and so that's sort of the concierge piece is like we are we're there on demand uh to to make their lives easier and help them make changes and transformations sort of like taking a course in like a month or something but exactly that long right yeah yeah squished down in a small amount of time concentrated yes oh that's cool so you have coined this word and i don't know if i say this right

is a portmanteau of cannabis and sexuality and I am a word nerd and I have been a sex educator for God

15, 16 years now and I wanted to bring in my ideas around sex and cannabis into my sex education work.

And so CannaSexual is an approach to combining sex and cannabis mindfully and deliberately that enhances pleasure and deepens intimacy whether you're solo or partnered.

And so there's a difference between cannabis and using CBD.

I know there's a difference between them.

What kind of effect do they have?

Is one more potent than the other?

So CBD is under the cannabis umbrella.

CBD is a cannabinoid.

Cannabis is the plant itself which contains a number of cannabinoids including THC, CBG, CBN.

So CBD is one of those cannabinoids that does not have any intoxicating effects.

That's the big differentiator for folks.

It's also more accessible.

You can get CBD in all 50 states in the United States.

where as cannabis is only available on a state to state basis so California has medical and recreational and a lot of states have medical but not recreational so you see kind of a swatch of options across the country but CBD is

You can ship it across state lines.

You can't do that with cannabis products containing THC.

So it's largely a regulatory differentiation as well as an effects based.

So if you don't want to be intoxicated, CBD tends to be a good choice.

Right.

And like the CBD is like the gummies and that kind of thing, right?

It can be all different things.

I've seen it in lube even, right?

Yes it can be in lube it can be in gummies it can be you can smoke hemp flour that is just CBD with less than 0.3% THC so you can smoke it like you would a joint but it's mostly CBD and now there are ways of consuming THC that will not get you high but those are less people are less aware of those so people think oh if I don't want to get high CBD is the only way to go but there are more options.

And how do you think it influences your sexual experience?

Huh and how.

So many ways really.

When clients come to me, I tell them that really helps to address the things that are getting in the way of pleasure, connection, intimacy.

So what are the common things to get in the way, right?

Stress, anxiety, especially performance anxiety, physical discomfort or pain, feeling really stuck in your head and not in your body.

Those things can be addressed using cannabis products or CBD only products.

If you plan intentionally, it's not just a matter of like, oh, my neighbor made these like mystery brownies and I'm just going to have a bite and hope for the best.

Like, no, that's not going to go well for you.

In fact, it's probably going to go quite poorly.

And then you're going to be like, oh, forget this weed stuff.

I'm just going to stick to my wine.

I hear that all the time.

So like it is really about like finding the proper dosage for you.

There is some experimentation that has to happen, but like starting very low and controlled.

and figuring out what works best for your body is the way to go.

One of the things that just popped into my head is I was talking with a friend recently and we were talking about sex and she was saying how she's not doing or not having much sex because she has back pain and so like sure like I hadn't thought of that what you just said influencing that and making it more pleasurable for her I don't know if she'd be open to that but I was like oh wow that's the reason she's not wanting to do it you know like yeah

So what would you use for that?

product that I sent him that he's obsessed with is called Papa and Barkley and it's a relief salve that's made in California and it is so potent like he tells me by the time I'm done rubbing it on the pain is gone

Wow that's impressive.

Right?

And I'm sure you have to keep reapplying it.

It's not like that.

You do.

It's not forever but it is a really useful relief and especially if you're just trying to like have some intimacy with your partner having something that'll take that pain away temporarily even is enough to give you the opportunity to explore.

Right.

So is it just like I'm just wondering so when people do like a joint or something do do the effects like happen?

Benefits to sex happen like immediately or does it take a while for it to start to work?

Joints specifically are some of the best ones.

Joints or any kind of inhalation because it does hit you faster.

Between 5 and 15 minutes is how long it takes for inhalation to take effect, which is good.

You get that feedback very quickly and you can go, Oh, I'm not quite where I want to be.

Let me do a little bit more or Oh, no, I'm good.

This is great.

I'm not going to do anymore.

Whereas with something like edibles, it could take up to two or even three full hours to take effect.

And at that point,

you are on the ride you know if you've over consumed now you're like okay well this is going to be my life for the next six hours awesome right and i think that's that's the one thing that i found interesting when i did try a gummy like you know i do like wine so it's like if you start to feel too much you can like back off on the wine and be like okay i'm going to take a little break but you can't do that on gummies if you take one you're on the ride like you said you're there you are on the ride there is one product that's out there that i have found effective as like a kind of antidote to being high

there are pills that you take it's called undo u-n-d-o-o so two o's at the end and within about 15 minutes it will bring you back down to like a normal you know cruising altitude and i've seen that work with a bunch of people i was very skeptical at first i was like this sounds like snake oil bs

but it turns out it actually is pretty effective so you can buy it on Amazon it's not like a controlled substance that doesn't have any cannabis in it at all it just the the compound in it binds more strongly to your cannabinoid receptors in your body than THC does so it kind of pops them out okay so it like takes up residence and exactly that's kind of funny

So tell me about your book when you you wrote your book The CBD Solution Sex and so what is your book about and how does it help people?

So my book I felt very lucky to get to write this book.

It was part of a three-part series that Mary Jane published back in 2020.

and it's the first one is CBD solution wellness minus CBD solution sex and then there's CBD solution living and so it's really meant to be a primer for folks who are kind of new to using cannabis and despite the name I covered all of cannabis not just CBD like it was really important to me to have a whole plant approach so the first chapter is all about the science of cannabis and how it works with our bodies and that our bodies actually have

Much like we have a skeletal system and a nervous system and a digestive system, we have an endocannabinoid system in our bodies.

We are designed to work with these compounds and so I get into all the nerdy science about the cannabinoids that our bodies produce, which there are two, and then how these cannabinoids from plants, phytocannabinoids, work with our bodies to create a sense of homeostasis.

and so that's sort of the first like nerdy science chapter for those who are like geeking out about those things and then the second chapter is all about the things you didn't learn in school sexually because if you're like me I had really terrible very shame based abstinence only sex education so that chapter is just like okay here's all the things that nobody told you that you really need to know as an adult and then chapters three four and five are our applications so there's solo sex partner sex and then troubleshooting

Nice nice and it's so true like when I think back to the education I had I don't even think anybody ever said the word clitoris like it wasn't even said no well they said penis of course but they didn't yeah like it didn't like I think I went the majority of my young life not even knowing a body part of my own which is just offensive and ridiculous it is even to this day I have I'm not wearing it right now but I have an internal clitoris necklace

Oh my gosh it drives me crazy and I have to say I fell into that until a few years ago I didn't even know what it looked like

Yeah you know which is ridiculous.

It's ridiculous.

I just don't understand how they just like take it out of anatomy books like it's not a real body part.

It's bananas.

I actually just heard Burning Man was this past week and they had an art installation that was a full internal clitoris sculpture on the playa and people were coming up being like what is that?

So you know however the information comes I'm very grateful that it's getting out there.

Exactly, exactly.

I remember I was talking to somebody who was a sex, I think she was a sex coach she was in New York and she was carrying around an image of the clitoris and she was asking women do you know what this is?

The majority of women did not know what it was and then men of course didn't either but

like this is crazy this is the only body part in the entire human body that people don't know what it is we all know what a liver looks like we all know what lungs look like what the fck why don't we know what our clitoris looks like it is mind-boggling to me and i mean part of it is because medical science didn't fully map it until like the early 90s and so it's just now starting to get into medical textbooks and things like that and of course we know like we live in the patriarchy right so like yeah

Medical science is so skewed and so patriarchal in the way that like

they treat women's bodies like just kind of dysfunctional men's bodies so everything about the male body and and penises and the XY chromosome expression is the norm and everything in the female body is is weird

I just interviewed an gynecologist recently and she was saying you know she was telling flat out telling people I have a list of doctors who will be straight with you so it's like we have to have this like special code to find these doctors that will actually talk to women about their bodies you know that's that's ridiculous it's absurd I just went to a gynecologist last week and I was like yeah I'm having some pain with penetration he's like oh you should use lube I'm like I use copious amounts of lube he's like you should use KY jelly I was like

Absolutely!

Do you tell women to do that?

Because K.Y.

Jelly has glycerin.

It will give you a UTI like every time.

And that's like the old school.

You know what I mean?

Right?

Oh my microphone moved.

You're like wow that's crazy.

It's bananas.

You are a big fan of lubes as I am as well.

I am.

So talk to me about lubes.

What do you think about people?

Should people use them?

Should they not?

Are they bad?

Are they good?

I think all people should use lubes.

Just like full stop I think lube is for everyone and there are kinds that are better than others you know you do have to be a savvy consumer and if you can buy it at a drugstore or you know a Walgreens or a gas station it's probably not going to be great quality just like you wouldn't really necessarily want to buy your groceries there like it's

you have to read the label but I swear by silicone lube that is my favorite favorite favorite for hand sex it's my favorite for uh for masturbation as long as I'm not using silicone toys because silicone lube and silicone toys not friends but I mean throw a condom on that thing and then you're good like oh good point I hadn't thought of that yeah oh yeah yeah it's so easy to work around it and then you know I also love oil-based so as long as you're not using condoms as long as you're not especially latex condoms

You can use coconut oil or almond oil or even olive oil.

My mentor Betty Dodson always loved using olive oil.

I love it.

Just go to the kitchen and get some olive oil.

Right why not?

Now is there an impact?

Is it kind of do you want to use those kind of oils only on the outside or are they okay internal as well?

It does vary a little bit person to person.

I have found that coconut oil works great for me internally and externally.

Some people say, Oh, that gives me a yeast infection.

Cool.

Don't do that.

You know, if your biome is fragile, then that may not be the choice for you.

Right.

And some people are more allergic to things than others.

You know, that's just reality and genetics and all that stuff.

Exactly.

So when we talk about trying to enjoy sexuality and people have shame, do you feel like cannabis can, I mean I know it can help you be more relaxed and stuff, do you feel like that helps people shut it or do they need more working on the shame and that would just kind of be a band-aid?

I think it's a both and.

I think smoking cannabis is not going to eliminate the root cause of whatever is causing you shame but it can quiet down those voices temporarily and help you get into a space where you can reframe wherever the shame is coming from and

My colleague Emily Nagoski uses the metaphor of like a garden.

And so a lot of the things that are in your garden were not planted by you.

They were planted by culture, society, family of origin.

And so as an adult, your job is to go through and weed your garden and decide what gets to stay there and what has to go into the rubbish pile.

and that is that's a lifelong kind of project but I do think that cannabis can kind of help embolden you to to really get into the roots of those nettlesome weeds that's a great analogy because that is what happens you know a lot of it happens when we're very young right yeah and it's not just even what we're taught it's what we see it's on movies it's the way people talk to each other yeah

You know we think we are we are a certain way but we really are formed a lot by what we're exposed to and those things do grow in our garden and they cause problems.

They do or they cause really big problems.

It's hard though because I feel like shame is a really big one especially in the United States.

I mean I feel like it's almost like it's like something sometimes it seems like it's getting better sometimes it's getting worse.

What do you think?

I think you're right sometimes it's getting better and sometimes I open up TikTok and I'm like oh wow we're still circulating those myths about herpes like oh wow the people are still really deathly afraid of STIs and and are slut shaming and it's like but then you see you know these really amazing empowered

Women or humans really broadly but like you know I think especially women have borne the brunt of the patriarchal slut shaming and bullshit in society and you know you see pockets of folks you know looking at their pussies in hand mirrors and reclaiming their pleasure and talking openly about masturbation and those are the spaces that I try to cultivate and nurture in my own work in my retreats and in my women's circles because I think it's so healing

to be around other women and have people go oh no you're normal there's nothing wrong with you there's nothing shameful about you that that dirty thing that you've been into for years like that's hot that's really fcking hot there's nothing wrong with it

I hate these people who think that they don't, you know, they don't think that dark fantasies are normal.

Right.

Like where did you even get this idea from?

And how do you, what I want to say to them is how do you even know what their fantasies are?

Because you can't even talk about sex.

You haven't obviously talked to them about their fantasies.

So how do you know this?

Exactly.

Exactly.

And I, I love taboo.

I love the more naughty and dark and twisted, the more I'm like, Oh, give it to me.

That's so hot.

Absolutely and you know it's just play it doesn't mean you know it's like it's play it's just play I mean we can be adults and play I mean look at children do it all the time you know robbers and murderers and you know cops and whatever they want to be they do it why do we why do we get it put on us that we have to stop doing that

Patriarchy bullshit shame you know well sex is supposed to be for procreation and you just lie there and be penetrated by your husband and you only have one partner and then that's it until you have the baby like it's just so like it's a box that we get stuck in and and I think and then when people start to try to leave the box then they get shamed and yeah my god you did that what you're into you know for me I love daddy girl play that is one of my favorite things it took me

Ruan Willow

I love to write those kind of stories.

I think they're just amazing.

The whole dynamic between is just so amazing and it can get so intimate and intricate.

Yes.

Yeah.

I think it's totally amazing.

I see you.

This is awesome.

It's so much fun.

And you know what I don't understand is why people have to go around shaming each other.

Like what good does that do?

Do you want everybody to be the same?

I don't think so.

No.

and the ones who tend to be the the most vocal in the shaming tend to be the ones with like the darkest secrets you know like haven't doesn't that seem to be the case like these these really evangelical ministers like railing against homosexuality and they've got like three gay lovers at home like come on now like they're trying to reconcile it in their own brain but then they're like spewing all this shit to the world you know

Oh, this is what I want to say earlier too.

Like we were given these organs for a reason.

I mean, for pleasure.

We weren't given taste buds to not taste fucking food.

Exactly.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's what I understand all these people like, you know, you shouldn't masturbate.

You shouldn't do this.

You shouldn't feel things.

Are you going to turn off your taste buds too?

I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

We were given these organs for a reason to enjoy our bodies.

Pleasure.

And that includes eating a strawberry, having an orgasm.

Why do we separate it?

Exactly.

And especially, this is again from Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are, like the clitoris, like the fact that vulvas and the clitoris can provide orgasm, it has no biological function.

Like in a penis, the function of orgasm is to expel sperm for procreation, right?

There is no purpose other than pleasure for the clitoris.

It has no biological function other than to make you feel good.

You're doing a disservice to nature if you're not using it.

And what further proof do we need that we're supposed to have pleasure?

That by itself is proof that we're meant to have sexual pleasure and enjoy our bodies.

Oh gosh, it's just so frustrating.

That's why I love to talk on this podcast too about masturbation and enjoyment and what I enjoy so other people realize you know,

Maybe I enjoy that too.

I had this woman reach out to me on Instagram and she had heard me on a podcast and she was talking about a toy, sex toy.

And she wanted to know all about that sex toy because she's like, I love my husband.

We've been married for over 20 years, but I've never had an orgasm.

So she was going out to find sex toys.

And so she wanted to know about the ones I was talking about.

And I thought, how does this kind of thing happen to people?

I mean, we know, but at the same time, it kind of blows my brain.

Like how?

I run into that so often in my coaching practice and you know I have clients come to me and you know I don't want to generalize too much but what I see most often is heterosexual couples and the guy comes to me and he's like my wife girlfriend partner

doesn't want to have sex or I want to have sex more than she does and so I go to her and and I use this this line from Peggy Kleinplotz who's a sex researcher tell me about the sex you don't want to be having and she describes you know well you know he we kiss a little bit he squeezes my tits he gets on top of me he flops around for five minutes he comes and then it's over and I'm like you know gosh that's funny because I love sex and that kind of sex sounds horribly unappealing to me

Totally.

You know I can't really blame you for not craving sex that's mediocre.

Exactly.

Do we want to do things that aren't fun?

No.

Like eating vegetables or working out.

Right.

Gotta put some cheese on the broccoli.

Exactly.

Need some seasoning, some salt, some cheese, some water.

Make it delicious and then it goes right down.

I think that has a lot to do with it.

How Cannabis Improves Sex with Sex

enjoyable over the long term like there needs to be some novelty like let's bring in some you know a blindfold or some massage oil or candles or music or or role play or dirty talk or a different position or literally anything to kind of bring in something different.

What do you tell how do you work with couples where one partner has shamed the other for things they've brought up?

Ah it's a tough one so first there's the repair piece like you have in doing this shaming you have created harm so like let's start with that was not kind to make your partner feel bad and create this like wounding and kind of scar tissue around the things that turn them on because there's nothing wrong with what's turning them on right and then we kind of dive into like

What is it about this that feels scary to you?

Like where, where did it get into your brain that that's not okay?

And so we kind of, I don't do too much childhood work because that's more therapy territory, but it's like, you know, what kinds of messages were you given around sex, pleasure, fantasy that made you feel like one, this isn't okay.

And two, that it is okay to make someone else feel bad about the things that turn them on.

And so there's a lot of, you know, kind of

questioning you know gentle interrogation of where how did you get here and is this where you want to stay or you hoping to shed that because if this is where you're going to be if you're going to keep shaming your partner that's good data for them because they might be like peace out

Yes, time to cut and go.

Right, because I am definitely a coach that does not believe in preserving the relationship at all costs.

I think some relationships are meant to end.

And I would rather help you see that and gently, you know, make a soft intentional landing than stay in something just because you promised you would.

Right, exactly.

That's just like living with a blind eye to yourself.

Absolutely.

So I see that you also do some online courses about being a skillful lover.

What kind of tips do you give people for that you could share with us here?

Yes.

So I love teaching classes.

That's how I started as a sex educator is doing a blowjob classes and dirty talk classes.

But my passion, my deep

Ruan Willow

My mouth does not have the kind of stamina that my hands do.

I can give a hand job for 90 plus minutes without breaking a sweat.

My mouth's only got about 5 maybe 10 and by the end of 10 I'm like I don't want to do anything else this is really unpleasant.

So I am on a mission to make handjobs cool again and to sort of reframe them as one a destination all their own it's not just about getting the dick hard so you can fuck it like this is Worshipping the cock it is Sensually exploring one another and and having these experiences together where you can make eye contact and you can touch each other's bodies and and that it could be just pleasure for its own sake

Yeah, yeah.

And so those are the kinds of things I teach in my Skillful Lover class.

It's cock massage, pussy massage, butt stuff.

People do anal so badly, so I want people to do anal better.

And then a lot of communication around, you know, what's on the table, what's not on the table, what feels good, what needs to be different, having a really heart-centered debrief afterward.

So what are the best kind of loops for hand job sex?

Obviously, I think you did mention it.

Was it the silicone?

Silicone, for sure.

Okay, okay.

Now the thing about that is, can you be consumed?

Like say you put it on a dick and then you wanted to do a blowjob.

Could you still do that?

Yeah.

It's, it is non-toxic.

In fact, silicone is completely inert.

So like, I wouldn't like drink shots of it, but like for sure, if there's still silicone lube on the cock, it doesn't taste like anything, which is another thing I love about it.

And yeah, it can work for blowjobs as well.

What about these lubes that have like extras in them like tingling or heat or that kind of stuff or flavor?

Um so flavor never with sugar.

Flavor is fine.

In fact a lot of people like flavored lubes especially for blowjobs or or pussy licking but you got to make sure that doesn't have sugar in it because that again is a recipe for yeast infection.

In terms of sensation lubes I was not into them for a long time and then my favorite lube company Sliquid

came out with a silicone lube called Spark that has menthol in it.

And I really like it.

It makes my clit tingle and when my clit starts tingling my pussy gets wetter which is kind of a fun little side effect.

So we like that.

I don't love the warming ones because I feel like there's a very short jump from from warming to burning so that's for me not my favorite but for those who love it fully support like it's really just a matter of making sure that doesn't have ingredients in it that are going to bother your body

Right, right.

I really like the menthol though because I mean we're just kind of used to using menthol anyway so it's like it also just kind of feels safer because and it makes sense I mean you know it's in lotions it's in paper rub I mean all that kind of stuff so just it's like a more commonly used so I could see people like being like okay this is okay Totally

I was talking with somebody about lubes and they were saying that the flavored ones maybe weren't so healthy.

But again, like you said, I think it depends on your body.

You know, some people are going to be fine with it.

Other people will be more sensitive.

Absolutely.

And as long as it doesn't have sugar, you're probably going to be fine.

But if there's another ingredient in it that also doesn't work for your body, like just read the label and kind of be a savvy consumer.

Yeah, I think you just have to try them out.

I mean, that's just the way it is.

I love the ones that smell nice, though.

To me, that's just it adds so much to the experience to know it just smells nice.

It's lovely.

Like this liquid has flavored, they have a bunch of different flavors, but my favorite is blackberry fig.

And I feel like it would be at home, like on a charcuterie board, you know, like you want to like actually just eat it.

Yes.

So good.

Which you shouldn't do, but

I've taken, had to do a taste test for them for a content that we were filming and I had eight different teaspoons full of lube.

So like it's fine.

I didn't die.

You probably felt like you were eating a meal of it.

Like what?

One, two, three.

Which one won?

Was it a winning contest?

It was to see if I could figure out which flavor they were.

Okay, gotcha.

Taste test of lube.

Taste test of lube.

You hear that for like beer or like pop.

I was like, I think this is cherry vanilla.

Were you right very much or were you off?

I was about half of right and half wrong.

Interesting.

That's hilarious.

One thing I wanted to ask too, do you think like the ones with the CBD that have the, in the lube, do you feel like it really would absorb and impact the person, either person?

You know, does it, how quickly would that impact them if they're using it for like say a blowjob or something?

So it doesn't do much for penises kind of across the board really needs an exposed mucosal membrane like the inner labia and the vagina to absorb into the other piece with any cannabinoid it takes time to absorb it's not like a lube it's it's more like a marinade you got to let it sit

about 20 minutes and then and then it lasts for about an hour which is kind of cool but yeah you gotta let it do its thing if you try to just apply and go you're not going to get the effects right away okay and then like how much do you use because someone gave me one to try out and how much do you need how much because i know everything's dose related how do you know if you have consumed enough to have an effect

Well so CBD only oils like they make a little bit of a difference but not nearly as much as THC does because THC is actually a vasodilator so it expands the blood vessels and capillaries to bring in more blood flow and sensation so

You know, palmful is fine.

Like I think you can't overdose is the thing to know with with vulva specific application because it doesn't get you high even I mean CBD certainly isn't gonna get you high but like whatever you put on the vulva you're not gonna get high.

So you can dump the whole bottle on it's expensive.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend that but like you're fine.

So it's really whatever it takes for you to notice some impact.

Right, right.

Do you think there's a difference between men and women in what they experience when they're using cannabis with sex or is it definitely kind of is it okay?

Tell me more and I mean, this is we're painting in very broad strokes here, but What I hear from a lot of guys who smoke Let's just say smoking because that'll be there's a lot of variables.

Otherwise, sure

Guys when they smoke, they tend to feel a little bit less performance anxiety, a little bit more present.

But if they go over a certain amount, it's almost like whiskey dick.

Oh, where like they can have the same kinds of erectile challenges.

Now, I don't panic when that happens, because I am a firm believer that a floppy dick is just as sensitive as a hard dick.

And just because I can't have it penetrate me necessarily doesn't mean that it's useless.

So I encourage

people with penises to chill the fck out if they don't get hard for some reason because the more you freak out about it the heart the more challenging it will be to get hard anyway and like your penis is not the center of the universe sit the fck down many people need to learn that statement though I know right

And then for people with vulva is like, I think smoking can help them feel a little bit more relaxed can kind of quiet down the to do lists.

I don't know if you're like me but sometimes like especially when I'm getting oral.

I'm in my head.

I'm like, are you enjoying yourself?

Am I taking too long to come?

Does it taste?

Okay.

Also, I have to do laundry shit.

I have that thing do isn't rent next month like smoking kind of helps quiet that down so I can just enjoy what's happening.

Yeah.

Oh I totally can understand what you're saying it makes perfect sense too you know and it isn't much different from wine except that yeah you I think that you could you think people get whiskey dick more with alcohol than anything else I would say so broadly and I also find that like I don't tend to feel I mean I don't drink anymore anyway it's been about seven or eight years since I drank just because like it doesn't work with my body but when I did I never felt more connected to my partner when I was drinking

Like I might feel horny I might feel like touch me touch me touch me but I didn't feel the intimacy building in the same way like if anything I felt a little bit disconnected because I wasn't really fully in my body whereas with cannabis I feel very in my body and very like kind of heart open and connected to my partner.

Interesting.

What about people who have never tried it?

What would be their first step into trying it?

How much should they do?

Can you tiptoe into this and how should they do that?

I think the best way to try cannabis if you've never done it before is topicals.

Okay, you're not gonna get high you're just gonna enjoy the pain relieving and sensitizing effects you know whether you've got like neck or shoulder pain or you put it on your genitals or you Take an infused bath is a great way to kind of make your whole body feel like jelly Or you use something like a suppository.

I swear by suppositories I

For anal for sure it's amazing for anal because it helps you relax without numbing and for vaginal it's great for cramps like my friends with endometriosis swear by suppositories it's also good if you're someone who has a kind of sensitive cervix like I do

I've had partners especially more lately where they have a lot of real estate that they're working with and I do not have a lot of vaginal real estate to offer them.

So like they're bottoming out and I'm like feeling like I'm getting punched in the stomach.

Right?

You're like stop.

although actually very recently I found this like Mary Poppins bag chamber in the back of my pussy when I had this incredibly like long eight and a half inch partner I was like did you go like behind my cervix how the fck did you do that I didn't even know that was there but it also helped to have the suppositories to help my cervix just kind of not be so angry

Right!

Oh that's so interesting.

So which are your favorite sex stories?

I always love to hear what people like and why.

I have many drawers full of sex toys as I'm sure you do and I like different ones for different reasons.

Fun Factory just came out with a wand called Vim that I really love.

It's a very rumbly wand with a silicone head.

I love the like enjoy pure wand for penetration because it's got that really nice curve to hit all the you know the internal clit and on the back of

on the front wall of the vagina where the g-spot is which is really just the clit but more recently and it's almost like weird to admit this as a sex educator

I haven't been using toys, I've just been using my fingers.

Oh wow.

I've been going straight manual.

Wow, impressive.

Because what I've been finding is like my clitoral vibe that was my go-to use every single night.

I've burned through multiples.

WeVibe, the tango, the WeVibe tango.

Yeah, yeah.

They've had to send me like six of them because I've burned through them.

Gets me off too fast.

I have been really enjoying edging for longer masturbating for 20 30 40 minutes yeah yeah and I can't do that with a vibrator because it just zooms you there I get it just zooms me there so I've been really enjoying kind of going

Where are you on the whole multiple orgasms?

Do you seek for that?

Is that a goal of yours or is it not something you really try for?

Do you just want one specific kind of orgasm or strength?

So for me, I try to make orgasm not the goal.

The goal is pleasure.

If orgasm happens, that's rad.

I can cum multiple times.

I can also squirt.

Squirting and orgasm are not the same thing for me, what I've found.

It doesn't even feel good.

It doesn't feel bad.

It just feels wet.

I'm like, Oh, I squirted.

Interesting.

My partners are like, Oh my God, you're a squirter.

That's amazing.

I'm like, cool.

But like, do you have a waterproof blanket?

Cause my sheets are getting wet.

You're like, I want to do something different, right?

I want to do something different.

I know that this makes you feel so like you got the little merit badge, but like it's not that big of a deal.

So I can have reliably one really strong clitoral orgasm.

And then if I wait a little bit, I can have another.

And if I wait a little bit, I can have another.

But when I started studying Tantra, I realized that energetic orgasms, I can have a cascade of those where I don't even need stimulation.

I just need

the energy flowing and I can come and come and come come on command come over and over again come with all my clothes on coming for days.

I feel like you know too like my body had to kind of like learn this stuff like when I was younger I didn't even have any sex toys so like I like had to like learn my body and the different types of orgasms I can have and I didn't realize I could have as many different types as I do and that's mind-blowing to me but the only reason I really figured it out is because of sex toys sure you know because they are all different they all have different focuses intensities shapes you know

So I always think that people that don't use them or are scared of them are just doing themselves a disservice.

Like, you know, like you said, you have them.

It doesn't mean you have to use them all the time.

Absolutely.

But freaking try them, man.

triumph sometimes I really get this like need to be filled typically I don't I almost never do penetrative stimulation when I'm masturbating but every once in a while I get a wild hair at my ass and I'm like I need something like stretching me and that's when I reach for like my big dildos and that's fun yes oh absolutely yeah I get that sense I get that feeling too or that urge where I want that and yeah it isn't every time I mean I can come just from my clit alone

I was talking with a woman recently and she's a podcaster too and we were talking about how for her it's different when she's with a partner she tends to have more like internal g-spot orgasms and when she's masturbating she tends to do more clitoral and she said when she has both while she's you know with a person the clitoral part almost distracts her.

I thought that was a really interesting thing to hear.

Have you heard such things before?

I have heard things that have made me scratch my head over and over so I'm just like really at this point like whatever is true for you is valid and normal and like yes good for you like I've had those moments too like I hate 69ing it's like not a thing because I get really distracted if I'm trying to give pleasure if you're touching me I can't focus

or if I'm touching you I can't focus on my own pleasure like I either have to be in my body paying attention to that or I need to be paying attention to your body can't do the same both at the same time and so it makes sense to me to kind of extrapolate from that like well yeah if you generally prefer one sensation or another and you get both at the same time it is confusing

Yeah I think it's a focused thing and it may be just the way our brains are wired that we're all going to be different in that way and I just think it's great to even like know that like to talk with her and be like I didn't know that was a thing and I never thought about it and it's just it's it just adds to the knowledge of how diverse and unusual and unique and awesome all of our sexuality is across the human race.

and I think that really underscores why it's so important for people to talk about sex besides just to the people that they're dating or married to or whatever like to be able to normalize having these conversations in a group instead of just talking about what happened to the car on the Kardashians last week or like you know your new car or your job promotion like which are all cool things but like let's make talking about sex that normal

Right right like we can talk about oh we went to this restaurant and they had awesome food okay that's using pleasure but when you bring up sex with some people there's no way you can be like oh yeah I tried this new sex toy and then like they would just the floor would drop out from them and they would just stare at you wide-eyed you know like exactly right we just need to make it more normal normalized and it's okay to talk about we need to teach this to younger people too because I feel like we just fcked it up you know all of our

We just fucked it up.

We did.

I mean unravel it.

Yeah I mean I will spend my entire career helping adults unravel the bullshit from their younger years but that's why I love speaking at colleges like I've spoken at colleges across the country and you know these young adults 18, 19, 20 year olds are so hungry

to have an adult speak to them in an affirming way about sex and queerness and gender and pleasure and masturbation and like they are just like hungry hungry hippos for the knowledge

I know and I was so excited I interviewed a professor who's on the east coast and she was telling me about they actually had more sexuality courses in their in their college and I was like you actually have that as an actual course and she's like yeah and they're adding more all the time I'm like let's do like a little cheer because this is what we need to see and how amazing is that

It's so wonderful I mean I feel very lucky that when I was in college in you know 2004 to 2008 I was able to take sex classes I took nursing classes around women's sexuality I took sociology classes psychology classes like there were a lot of offerings where I kind of made my own minor in sex and that was really really helpful and valuable for me

At least it was once I transferred to a state school.

I started out at a Catholic school where they did not have classes on sexuality.

There were religion classes, but there were not classes on pleasure.

That's just how you deliver a baby.

That's it.

Now go to church and pray.

And don't you think about sex or anybody else sexually.

Right.

What do you think is the most harmful thing we have going on hitting sexuality in our culture today?

Oh God, there's so many.

Yeah, right.

I think shame around bodies is one of the biggest, you know, as somebody who lives in a fat body feeling like it's not okay for me to be sexual that it's not okay for me to talk about having multiple partners to feel like like I am somehow less than because I don't weigh a hundred pounds like

It's not just fat bodies, it's disabled bodies, it's you know labia look a certain way, it's hair, it's penis size, it's muscles, it's you know teeth and we shame people on every possible level for their bodies because we have this

idea of what a sexual body is supposed to look like and if it deviates from that then it's wrong and bad and I think that is one of the most toxic traits of our society right now that like or or age oh my god god forbid you're over 50 and sexual like I know right 70 or 80 or 70 or 80 you know like it's wild to me how people shame other people's bodies and feel like it's not okay to be a sexual being because you're x y or z

Yeah yeah you're totally right.

Why are we so fckin' judgmental?

I don't understand why we're like this.

Because we're scared.

People are scared.

They're scared of what they don't understand.

They're scared of what it means if that's true.

Like who was I just I was just talking about this recently with someone that's like how dare you you know

make me realize that I've been ruining my own life by holding these beliefs like wait you're out there like having non-monogamous relationships and I'm stuck with the same person because I thought I had to be like how dare you make me realize that my own choices are keeping me limited like oh my gosh wow right all I can say is wow

That brings me to something I saw in your content about how we, each person is responsible for their own pleasure Yes Yes Yeah I was mentored very luckily by the amazing feminist Dr. Betty Dodson who passed away in 2020 and she was really a pioneer in women's pleasure and sexuality and one of her kind of hallmarks of her teachings was that like your orgasm is your responsibility

It is not given to you by your partner.

It is not, you know, they can play a supporting role.

They can cheer you on.

They can even touch you in ways that will, you know, get you in that direction.

But it's still yours and you get to advocate for it.

And the more you are in command of your orgasm and your pleasure and know how to make your body feel good, the more empowered you can be.

and I think there's there's this weird dynamic that goes on in couplings where I have to get you off so that I know that I'm a valid sexual being that I'm a a proficient sexual being that validation yes it's so much external validation I need you to come because if you don't come that means that something's wrong with me it's like whoa whoa whoa what that's we joined bodies here

Mind meld or?

Mind meld so yeah I think empowering people to take responsibility for their own pleasure one takes the pressure off because then it's like all right you know you make sure that you experience the amount of pleasure that you want to because maybe you don't want to orgasm that's something that gets overlooked so often it's like I have to make you cum what if I don't want to?

Right

My clit gets kind of like, you know, a little bit of a hermit after I come.

Maybe I don't want that to happen yet.

That's true.

That's true.

I just, when I was thinking about it too, I was thinking like, that's really kind of a freeing way to look at it.

You know, like it's sort of freeing, like you're responsible for yourself and you don't have to rely on somebody else.

you know fosters independence sexual independence I think yeah does for sure ah somehow we need to get people to think about this kind of stuff but it's you know you're out there doing all this work and oh one other thing I had in my notes here I wanted to talk about importance of dirty talk yes

What do you have to say about Dirty Talk?

Is it important?

Role does it play?

Why should we do it?

I love Dirty Talk on so many levels.

So on a very practical level, Dirty Talk is just sexual communication.

I want this.

Do that.

Do it like this.

Give me this thing.

And also praise and feedback like oh it feels so good when you X, Y, or Z. So there's that kind of practical piece.

it's also stimulating to hear your partner say things and and even use your voice when you vocalize you're stimulating your vagus nerve which helps you relax and be more present and and when you give yourself the freedom to express during sex like it's going to lead to more intimacy and then this piece may not resonate with everyone but I'm a witch and so speaking words is spell casting

and so when I'm talking about oh my god it feels so good when your cock's inside of me I just want to whatever I want to manifest more vacations I want to manifest abundance I want to manifest health and vitality like you are you're weaving spells as you're speaking you're creating

These amazing connected pieces with each other and so there's lots of fun reasons to dirty talk and it's another way to play.

You can express sexually without even touching each other.

You can have phone sex.

You can be sexting.

I've been sexting a ton the last several months and it is so hot to be able to say things that maybe you would, you know, even physically impossible to do in real life, but you can fantasize about them and and I'm a

I'm a reader.

I grew up reading books.

I had books not friends and So erotica was always my method like I don't really watch porn I starting to a little bit more but like sure for the most part seeing the words Gets my brain like tickling in all the best ways.

And so I I'm just a word slut and

I get it as a writer I totally get that.

Yeah you get it.

I was a massive reader too like when I was a kid I was my sister I drove her nuts she's like let's play a game like oh no I'm reading a book you know like and I would just go through them like water you know like totally a breath you know

I totally understand that and I agree you know when we're saying things it just it does something it does something to the moment it does something to you know both partners or multiple partners how many people you're with it does something to their your brain to hear it to listen to it does stuff yeah yeah it's super effective like silent sex is like

you right i mean i'm not here to yuck anybody's yum if you like it in style like if you're kind of channeling a monk kind of situation like cool do that but for me yeah if my partner's not making noise especially like if i'm doing my best work and you're just lying there like i don't need you to perform for me like if if words or or if noises aren't coming naturally i don't expect them to like

no created out of nothing like I don't ever want anyone to fake anything but like no can you even vocalize an exhale like a like that's all I need I don't need you to like spin sonnets like just give me a little bit of vocal feedback we don't need poetic improv here we don't yeah I mean I think that's so true and it indicates reactions how they're feeling it's more interactive you know completely oh totally

Well okay so we're coming to the end of our discussion this has been amazing but is there anything that you wanted to say or talk about or that we didn't talk about yet and where everyone can find you and your courses and I just noticed you're also on Substack I just joined Substack myself not too long ago so

Amazing yeah Substack is new for me I'm really enjoying it because I I never identified as a writer like I write I have written I published a book I published over like 250 articles but like right I never took it on as an identity and so after I wrote my book I was like fck writing I just don't want to write ever again but now I'm kind of coming out of that and I'm like oh no this is actually you know it's nice to have a space to do some long form and Substack is so great because

They don't censor, so I don't have to worry about my shit getting deleted or suppressed.

same so I've been kind of leaning into that and especially to tell my stories because I have some epic sex stories and some of them I tell on my OnlyFans but a lot of them I'm gearing up to share on my Substack and and it is sort of like real life erotica because sometimes the sex that I'm having I'm like is this real is this

actually happening I can't believe I have my French lover and my my US-based lover in each ear and one speaking dirty talk to me in French and one speaking dirty talk in English and having my mind blown on my birthday in Malibu did that actually happen because that sounds like a movie it does sound like a movie sounds like an awesome movie thank you okay I have stories to tell and I need to tell them so yeah you can find me on my Substack

The title I came up with is So That Happened.

It feels like it encompasses my sex life so perfectly.

And I'm also on Instagram, CannaSexual.

I post on that probably the most reliably.

I'm trying to get more reliable with TikTok, but I am sporadic with that best.

Yeah, you gotta be so careful on there.

You do.

So they're working on it, but it's a challenge.

But I love working with clients.

So coaching is my favorite thing to do.

So if you're hearing all of this and you're like, this is someone I want helping advise me in my life, like please reach out.

Or if that concierge offering that Dr. Shannon and I do is like, you're like, you know what, I have a few grand lying around.

Like that's definitely a thing I want to invest in.

Right.

Hit me up.

I got you.

We can do it in Bali.

Like whatever you want.

Well, that would be fun.

Right?

Like who wouldn't want to do like deep work in a beautiful location?

Gosh, sounds like just mind-blowingly amazing.

Very cool.

And then your website is AshleyManta.com, right?

Yes, or Cannasexual.com or my online courses are at ElevatedIntimacy.com.

Very awesome.

Anything else you wanted to mention or point out or that we didn't touch on?

I think we got all of it.

This has been such a great conversation.

Thank you so much.

Yes, it's been really fun.

Thank you so much for coming on.

Awesome.

You have an amazing day.

You too.

Bye bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this.

We had a great chat and I hope you learned things I did.

It's just very interesting to learn about this type of thing and how you can make yourself experience your sensuality and sexuality more.

This is one way to do it and I hope that you enjoyed it.

I hope that you can do that in real life and enjoy yourself and enjoy your body baby.

We were given these organs for a reason to enjoy our bodies.

Give yourself some natural hormones to soak your body in, your sensuality, your marinate in your sexuality, baby.

Get it all to every speck of your body so you can feel amazing and good.

They're like natural medicine, also a natural sleep aid.

Hey, time to masturbate, baby.

Go fckin' do it.

You have an amazing day.

Don't forget to check me out on social media.

I'm on Twitter.

I'm like everywhere.

Twitter, TikTok, Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr.

Oh my gosh, I can't even remember where all I am.

I'm like everywhere.

ShareSome, Fansly.

Don't forget to check out the other amazing shows on the Planet X Network.

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