Love Beyond Boundaries: Interracial and Trans Ethnic Dating and Sex with Alex K

Ep 515: Love Beyond Boundaries: Interracial and Trans Ethnic Dating and Sex with Podcaster Alex K, of the Talking Kink with Alex & Ellie. We dive deep into the complex and often misunderstood world of interracial and trans ethnic relationships, dating, and sex. This episode was inspired by a listener's request, and it promises to be an enlightening conversation that tackles taboos and sheds light on the nuances of cross-cultural romantic and sexual relationships, complete with examples, self help, and self care dating advice.

Alex shares his personal experiences and insights, discussing the challenges and joys of dating outside one's culture. From the fetishization of certain races/ethnic groups to the cultural norms that shape our dating lives, this conversation covers it all. Whether you're curious about the dynamics of interracial dating or looking for ways to navigate your own cross-cultural relationship, this episode offers valuable perspectives and advice.

Don't forget to check out "Talking Kink with Alex and Ellie" on all major podcast platforms for more uncensored, educational, and entertaining discussions about kinks, fetishes, and taboos.
 
Listen to Ruan's guest spot on their podcast about the history and culture of selfies:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-28-tit-for-tat-with-the-snap/id1727462400?i=1000663470138

Find out more about the podcast: https://www.talkingkinkpodcast.com/

Disclaimer: This episode contains adult content and is intended for listeners over the age of 18.

05:56 When you date someone from another race, there are certain hurdles to overcome
11:56 Anything that even remotely looks like malice can trigger heightened sensitivity
16:34 have you found any differences in the actual mechanics
17:44 Dating in Eastern Europe depends on the culture
21:22 It depends on the family. There are some eastern European cultures that wait until marriage
25:53 And she absolutely freaked about that. And from that point on, I was a monster who corrupted her friend
27:23 Have you faced any prejudice for dating somebody from a different race or ethnic group
33:33 Some Americans feel like they don't have any ancestral history
39:41 I think where Americans views Europeans as being more permissive when it comes to sex
43:38 Alex and Ellie discuss interracial relationships on Talking Kink podcast
46:15 Servicing the workmen, Her Filthy Hotwife Adventures audiobook blurb.
Get the audiobook: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/servicingtheworkmenherfilthyhotwifeadventuresaudiobook
Show notes created by https://headliner.app

Ruan's books and audiobooks: http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Transcript

This transcript was created by Headliner ai, and was not edited by a human so there may be errors. For questions, please contact ruanwillow@gmail.com
Season 4, Episode 515:
This podcast is for adults only; if you are under 18, please leave the episode/podcast.

>> Ruan Willow: Hello, everyone. This is Ruan Willow with the oh, F*ck yeah, with Ruan Willow podcast. I'm super excited you're here.

>> Ruan: Yes, I am.

>> Ruan Willow: every time you come on. And I have a really interesting guest today. This was actually a request by a listener who wanted an discussion around interracial and trans ethnic relationships, dating, sex, all that yummy jazz stuff. And so that's what my guest is going to talk with me about. If you are under 18, though, it is time to leave the podcast, because we are going to be talking about topics that are for adults only. And don't forget, you can find my podcast on all the podcast apps on Substack, on YouTube, Podnation TV, where you can watch on Roku TV devices and Fire TV devices. And I'm also on the full swap radio network, so check me out in all those places.


Ryan welcomes Alex K. from talking kink with Alex and Ellie podcast

But I would like to introduce you to Alex K. From the talking kink with Alex and Ellie podcast.

>> Ruin Willow: Welcome.

>> Alex K.: Hi, Ryan. Glad to be here.

>> Ruin Willow: I'm excited to chat with you. Now, before we get into that, tell us a little quick spiel about your podcast.

>> Alex K.: So, our podcast is really kind of a way for us to do a little bit of research together and invite people with us as we kind of explore different kinks and fetishes and taboos and things that people talk about and have a lot of questions about, but also may not necessarily feel comfortable. So we want to provide kind of a, safe space to demystify all of these kinks and taboos and fetishes and educate people about their history and their science and their origins and talk to people who are either really interested in that particular fetish or taboo and have that story to tell, or people who are experts and have studied for a long time and help us out where our knowledge, has a little bit of a gap.

>> Ruin Willow: Right? Because people don't. In our culture, it's very taboo to talk about some of these things. Our sex ed sucks and people get weirded out, you know? So, yeah, it's very, very needed what you're doing, too, because we're all kind of scrambling, some of us trying to figure out how to, like, really enjoy our sexuality. Right?

>> Alex K.: Yeah. And that's really kind of our. Our focus. So the way that some of our listeners have described our podcast is it's like this uncensored conversation at a bar with friends, and you get a fair bit of science. You get some very interesting bits of trivia. It's basically kind of like a kinky science in history show. So the emphasis is really on education. But, we also don't, like, censor ourselves. You're not. We're not going to shirk things. We're not going to put in euphemisms unless it's really funny. Then we'll do that.

>> Ruin Willow: Absolutely. And I was on an episode, episode 28. tit for tat with us. what did I write down? With the snap. Yes, that's what it's called.

>> Alex K.: Right?

>> Ruin Willow: Tit for tat with the snap. It was about selfies and the evolution of selfies, which I thought was really interesting to listen to the entire history of that. Like, that's a really interesting thing. Like something I don't normally, like, think about, you know.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, absolutely. People make new technologies, and then they almost immediately use that technology for sex and porn and nudity. It never fails. And in fact, the porn industry has led a tremendous amount of very complicated technical adoption. And interestingly enough. So I work with tech. My day job is in tech. And it is fascinating to talk to people who worked at Pornhub or Redtube and the kind of problems that they're solving, because the problems that they're solving are problems that any cloud provider, any streaming provider would have to solve. It's just. It involves naked people and at a scale that even Netflix would be absolutely boggled by.

>> Ruin Willow: Right, right. You know, and, like, there's so many people that look at that stuff, and so. Yeah. Yet it's taboo. There's so many people looking at it, whether they admit it or not.

>> Alex K.: Well, they either admit it or they're lying. Those are the choices.

>> Ruin Willow: Because we have the stats.

>> Alex K.: We have the stats. You don't.

>> Ruin Willow: Right. You don't have a chance. It's one or the other, baby. And I believe that. I totally agree. So this is why it shouldn't be so hidden. This is why we're trying to talk about this stuff. And so people can find your podcast, talking Kink with Alex and Ellie on all the podcast apps.

>> Alex K.: Yes. primarily, I would encourage them, Apple, because that's where everybody.

>> Alex K.: Gets it from. But yes, Apple, Spotify. We're also on Soundcloud. And there's a website, talkingkingpodcast.com. we're also talking Kink podcast on. We're also talking Kink on X. Sorry. And then talking Kink podcast on Instagram.

>> Ruin Willow: Okay, perfect. And then we have something coming up where we're going to talk about loss of virginity.

>> Alex K.: Right.

>> Ruin Willow: So people can come back and check that out.

>> Alex K.: Absolutely.

>> Ruin Willow: So our focus for this, we can talk about whatever we want, obviously, but we're going to talk about the interracial and trans ethnic relationships. And I want to say cheers. I'm drinking a mojito with mint from my garden. Cheers to you.


What are you drinking today? I am drinking a coffee black

What are you drinking today?

>> Alex K.: I am drinking a coffee black.

>> Ruin Willow: I cannot do it black. I have to have something in it.

>> Alex K.: You know, with where the episode is going to go. This feels very appropriate.

>> Ruin Willow: I know, right? It does.


When you date someone from another race, there are certain hurdles to overcome

So give us a little bit of history, of how this fits into how this has fit into your life.

>> Alex K.: So there's a couple of things that I have done in my life that are not usual. Let me put it this way. I've had some milestones that I've hit that would be a little bit bizarre for most people. So, for example, since we've mentioned it, I lost my virginity in a threesome. And, when I actually started dating, I realized that dating within my culture was not going to work out for me for reasons that actually have to do with cultural norms that I absolutely did not want to adhere to, no matter what. And I started looking at other options, and I just happened to live in a place that was diverse enough for me to meet all sorts of different people from all sorts of walks of life and try my hand at essentially dating them and learning more about them and their culture and their history.

>> Ruin Willow: So is there one particular situation where you found it particularly challenging or particularly wonderful?

>> Alex K.: To clarify, when you say particularly challenging. Particularly challenging to date outside of my own culture, and.

>> Alex K.: I would definitely say that when you date someone from another race, it is difficult in a sense that there are certain hurdles you have to immediately overcome, because there is one big thing that happens, especially if you are dating someone who is african american. They are constantly dealing with people who fetishize them.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: There's a lot of. There's definitely a lot of that, you know, hot wife, queen, of spades, sort of, fetishization, big black cock for men. Right, exactly. And then there's the whole jezebel fetish for black women. So I sort of had to prove, and luckily for me, I was completely clueless because I was an immigrant and I had no idea what was going on. I mean, technically, I still am, but I did not have that cultural understanding. So when I was interrogated for that and to see if I had some sort of a fetish that I was playing out, I legitimately could say I have no, I'm. I'm sorry. I don't know what you're. What you're talking about. I. You just seem like you were an interesting person, and I just wanted to see if there was anything there. I have no idea what all of this other stuff is. So you get kind of the same thing when you talk to asian women. I mean.

>> Ruin Willow: Hm.

>> Alex K.: The fetishism that they get from Latina too.

>> Ruin Willow: I feel like Latina also. Right? I feel like that's a thing too.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I live in a place where there's a very large latino population, so it's definitely a lot more normalized just because it's a. You know, the demographics are different. But yes, there's definitely places where there is also that kind of fetishes. Oh, my goodness. My words are difficult.

>> Ruin Willow: That's a hard word to say. Fetish, fetishization. I didn't even do it right.

>> Alex K.: Yeah. See? Okay. I feel better now. So. Yes. So the bottom line here is people have fetishes for certain races, for certain body types, and you need to kind of prove a little bit that you're in it for the. You see them as people and not as conquests and not as tokens. And I think that that becomes very heightened when you come from the outside.

>> Ruin Willow: I think it's kind of wonderful, though, that you didn't come with all that stuff. Like, you know, I feel like, wherever you live, there's certain things that just get embedded in you like that, and you don't want them. So you came, like, fresh, not having that crap?

>> Alex K.: Yes, pretty much. And I was just becoming a teenager at the time, so all my formative years, I missed a lot of that background and just m sort of focused on integrating myself.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. Because I think for some people, it can be just like a hot button or a trigger, like, oh, you just want this from me? Or this is. You just want me for this reason. And so it's hard to get past that, you know?

>> Alex K.: Absolutely. Actually, funny enough, once upon a time, I was on a bit of a casual meetup, kind of a blind adult date, if I can put it that way. I don't know. I don't know a better way to put it. I was hooking up, with a stranger, and. Yes, and this is the first time I'm with a complete stranger with almost no notice in a hotel room. Yes, she's beautiful, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But I am nervous because this is my first time doing something like that. And her first question to me was, is this because you've never been with a dark skinned woman before. And I'm like, oh, no. God, no. That's absolutely not what it was. I'm like, no, I'm just nervous because this is the first time I'm just meeting somebody random in a hotel.

>> Ruin Willow: Right?

>> Alex K.: Yeah, I told her, actually, my previous partner is black, so, like, that's not. But you see how quickly it came up. It was almost like, immediately. Must be hesitating because of this.

>> Ruin Willow: Right. And I can understand that because it's kind of thrown in their face. So it's just kind of like this underlying thing. Even if someone doesn't seem that way, it's one little sign and like, oh, It's like, it's a trigger, right? It's like, ah, you know, I think, yes. And that's so hard. And it's hard to break that stuff, especially the people who have suffered from it or feel categorized by it or labeled by it. It's hard to just, like, shed that and be like, okay, you know, I need to reframe my brain. This guy doesn't mean this or this woman doesn't mean it this way. It's. It's hard to do, though, right?


Jeff: Anything that even remotely looks like malice triggers heightened sensitivity

>> Alex K.: I mean, I come from a culture that has a lot of accounting and lawyer jokes aimed at it, so I. I've definitely been on the receiving end of that as well. And. And I get it because you initially, you want to give people the benefit of doubt. You want to play it off as, oh, they're just joking. They're just kidding. They're trying to endear themselves to you. But then sometimes if they crossed line, then you're immediately on high alert because you're looking for that. Where is there malice here? And anything that even remotely looks like malice, you become very hypersensitive to everything they say after that point.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. And this is like the. I don't know, guess what you call it baggage or hang ups or just experience with those things. So it's kind of just, we easily fall into that and worry, and it just kind of. It takes away from the interaction, unfortunately. And I know there's not much we can do about it because culture is what it is, but it is kind of a bummer, I think.

>> Alex K.: It absolutely can be. But like I said, I definitely believe that once you get, or at least in my experience, I should say based on my experience, I believe that once you get past that initial screening and you show that you are genuinely interested in the person and you see them as people, you get a lot more leeway. There's a lot more relaxation around you, but it's just not something that you are able to just come in and in one conversation, drop the guard. This is something you have to demonstrate over a certain period of time, but then after that, you'll see a lot more relaxation, a lot more comfort, a lot, a m lot more latitude is given to you and is allowed to you.

>> Ruin Willow: Oh, yeah. And, you know, I've heard all the things, too. Like, there's jokes out there. Like, oh, what did I hear someone joking about one time? It was like, oh, white people don't make noise when they have sex. And it was, you know, african american black people that were saying this, and I was just like, oh, that's so crazy. Because, you know, not everybody falls in that category, but there are those things out there that people say that tend to be. And do you think that's true?

>> Alex K.: I mean, I would say that for men it's kind of true because we are kind of conditioned not to make too much noise, especially men who are either white or passes white. It's kind of like just you have to kind of keep it quiet because no one wants to hear that. That's kind of the message. And then you kind of get older and you've internalized that. And then when we're like, oh, no, I want to hear more noise. And you're like, how? I don't. I don't know how.

>> Ruin Willow: I don't know how. It's so easy.

>> Alex K.: I will tell you, though, that the, when people think of asian women and the high pitched noses that they hear in porn that is made in Philippines or in Japan, that those are their trademark porn sounds. That's not what real people sound like. So. Right.

>> Ruin Willow: There's that, too. So we've got that labeling people, too. And porn is like that. And again, we have to say porn is entertainment. It's not real life. Over and over again. We need to keep saying this all the time, that it is entertainment. It is not education. Not that you can't learn from it or find a new kink to try or learn something kind of technique, but it is entertaining, Jeff, and I want.

>> Alex K.: To point out something very interesting. So in the areas of the United States where you have the longest history of slavery and segregation, and you still have very high levels of reported bigotry and racism.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: What is the top porn search?

>> Ruin Willow: I don't know. You tell me.

>> Alex K.: Do you know interracial?

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Alex K.: I believe it almost without fail, because there's that whole curiosity underneath all of the all of those layers of very terrible tradition. So people, like, people want to know, and I feel like they use porn as like a proxy to things that they want to learn more about, but they're not really paying attention to the fact that it's entertainment, I guess.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. And I think that's part of the problem. I said it's not portrayed. People think, well, the part of problem is there isn't any other education. So this is where some people turn, you know, if they're not, and, you know, they can obviously turn to podcasts because that's very a, place that is very open, but there's a lot of places they can't learn. And so porn ends up being a place that, yeah, curiosity drags them there and it keeps them there.


So do you find any differences or have you found any differences in the actual mechanics

So do you find any differences or have you found any differences in the actual mechanics or the sex or the relationship in your past relationships?

>> Alex K.: So, yes, now I am going to be honest and say that there's not really big difference in the actual sex. Skin feels like skin. People are people. One person is going to be very passionate. Another person might have all the warmth of a starfish from the deep freezer. Like, it depends on the actual. It depends on the actual person. But again, if you were to, if you were to blindfold me.

>> Alex K.: I would not be able to tell you the skin color or the ethnicity of the person who I am with.

>> Ruin Willow: Right.

>> Alex K.: I will. I mean, there may be other things. They can give it away. A certain kind of common accent, a certain kind of, a certain kind of expression that they say. Something like. Something like that. But if you just went by nothing but touch, that wouldn't be able to tell you.


Dating in Eastern Europe depends on the culture

Now, dating, on the other hand, is very, very different because the dating depends on the culture. So when you're dating someone from Eastern Europe, first of all, why? because that's not why. Because the nice thing about it is that eastern european women tend to be a little bit more assertive. They're going to be more likely to ask you out on a date or set things up for you where it's so incredible. Even as a guy, I have been in very oblivious situations to the point where people have groaned at the most obvious possible things. Like you're talking to someone who, with a friend with benefits, who said, well, you know, maybe we should, maybe I should, lay down. I need to stretch my back a little bit. Maybe you want to join me? And I was like, oh, you know, if you need to stretch your back, then by all means, stretch your back. Like, no, no, no. Fucking idiot. Come back here. so this is the level of obliviousness you're talking about. And even there, eastern European will set things up for you where even you can't miss it. Even someone as oblivious as me was not able to miss that. So that's the nice part. The not so nice part is that there's still that very strong tradition of courtship in that culture. So you're being evaluated as a potential spouse from date one.

>> Ruin Willow: Gotcha.

>> Alex K.: And then there's also a lot of setting up if you are in the same culture.

>> Alex K.: Your parents talk and they exchange notes and they try to set things up. There's not a whole lot of mystery when you come into the date that set up. There's still the whole matchmaking thing. There's still the whole setting people up thing. It's big. So there's a lot of pressure to get things very quickly off, off the bat, on the right foot. And if that doesn't happen, then you feel a lot of stress and you're like, if we're not clicking, we should kind of just end this soon before this causes some sort of family drama and debates between our sets of parents. And this is terrible for the simple reason that every relationship has maybe a stumble or a bad date or where you're not 100% sure. But then if you feel like there's really no stakes, let's just try it again. Maybe it was just a bad night. Yeah, it feels more difficult to do that. And again, I want to be very clear that different parents are different. Some parents are a little more intense than others. Some parents are much more relaxed than others. If you're dealing with someone who's from eastern Europe, they have been living in a, western country for a really long time. They may be very relaxed and not have any of those expectations. They're more just waiting for those landmarks to hit, and that's when they'll start becoming more involved. But you have to kind of balance it out. you have to always know that there's. There's a tension that's pointed at you all the time.

>> Ruin Willow: So interesting, because growing up here, it's like the opposite of if you're on a date and someone thinks that you're thinking about the future like that, it's a complete turn off, and it's like, oh, no, I'm done. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's, no, thank you.

>> Alex K.: And this is. And this is the exact reverse. Oh, you know, I'm just casually seeing people, seeing where it goes. Oh, so you don't have a plan in life. Okay. That's a big strike against you.

>> Ruin Willow: This is so weird how it's so different like that. I had never heard this before. I didn't know it was different like that.


It depends on the family. There are some eastern european cultures that wait until marriage

>> Alex K.: Well, m and this is one of the reasons why I really like dating Americans, because it was. It was a lot less pressure. It was a lot easier to get to know somebody that you felt like you had a lot more room to breathe and you could experiment a lot m more. You didn't feel like you were auditioning nearly as much. I would definitely say. I would definitely say that when you deal with latin american cultures, there is also a little bit of that, but it's more of, yes, you're also being sized up, and, yes, there's also a lot of traditional things, but it's really more. You're being tested on whether you're a nice person and you would make at least a nice companion. It's a little bit less intense. It's a little bit slower, but again, depends on the family. There are some families that are super, super, super intense. which is why I have definitely seen relations between eastern Europeans and Latin Americans work out very well because they sometimes match that level of intensity and that very strong family focus.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. Because for me, I grew up thinking, well, no, I need to see if we work out. You can't rush that kind of stuff. And it's the other way around for them, it sounds like.

>> Alex K.: Yeah. So, funny enough, my wife and I met, and we kind of moved in very quickly, and my parents had, like, they. They were very concerned and alarmed. Like, wow, you guys are moving really, really, really fast. And it's like, okay, don't worry. And then it took us years before we actually got married, so they were also. But then that was also very confusing for them because they were like, well, you've been together for years. Why aren't you actually, like, getting married? Like, we don't. We don't understand. So those. All of those expectations are different, and sometimes those expectations collide or they don't match each other. And I think it's really, when you see homes of immigrants, it becomes very complicated because you're trying to kind of fit into the new culture, but you still have those traditions from the old culture that are still weighing in on you, and you don't want to necessarily let them go because they're part of your identity. And then you get all of these. These weird misunderstandings and scrambles. And you have to deal with that. So that's actually another big thing about dating outside of your culture or dating outside of your race. You're going to have a lot of these potential misunderstandings and a lot of that potential drama just because you're at some points, you're just talking completely past each other.

>> Ruin Willow: Oh, yeah. And then where do they stand on premarital sex? Are they like, no way, or. Yes, it's okay. What kind of. What's up with the culture with that?

>> Alex K.: I would have to say it depends on the culture and depends on the family. There's definitely some more traditional eastern european cultures that are very much like, well, you know, it would be nice to wait until marriage. And then you have, also have a lot of people who are from modern eastern european states and they're very much like, ah, you know, the youth today. As long as you get the name. That was the, that was the thing. One of the things that my, that my mom used to, used to tell me, like, did you at least get their name?

>> Ruin Willow: Yes. Yes, I did.

>> Alex K.: It was.

>> Ruin Willow: I call him. Hey, you.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, hold on 1 second. What was, what was her name?

>> Ruin Willow: Wait, what was her name? Yeah, exactly.

>> Alex K.: And, then she. And then she'd smack me.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: You know, across the head. Just. What are you doing, you little shit?

>> Ruin Willow: Exactly. Well, my whole thing is I think people should have sex before marriage because you need to see if you're compatible. So, you know, regardless of culture, I just, I just think that I don't want to have those kind of surprises and find out that we don't miss, you know?

>> Alex K.: Oh, I actually can tell you that I have dated someone who had that interaction with a friend who was very surprised that we were already having sex. And when my wife and I were just starting to live together, one of her friends would say that, oh, you know, you guys live together, but you're still, like, observing your boundaries. And my not yet wife at the time was like, who told you that? Of course we. Of course we sleep together. Of course we try to see if we're compatible. Of course we try to figure out if this is going to be good for lives. Exactly like you were talking about.


And she absolutely freaked about that. And from that point on, I was a monster who corrupted her friend

>> Alex K.: And she absolutely freaked about that. And from that point on, I was a monster who corrupted her friend. That's even. Yeah. And that's even in the same culture.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: So you don't, you don't even have to go across cultures for something like that to happen.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah, that's so true. And then you throw in religion in there. And it's just, there's different restrictions, too. Someone be m more religious. Less religious. And, you know, even if you are religious doesn't mean that you follow that culture either. So, yeah, everybody's different, but there tends to be trends, obviously, as we're talking about here, trends in different areas. But can. To totally label you like that, I just. I have a hard time with people that are that judgmental and closed off. Like, it's. That's extreme. To me, that's kind of a turnout turn off as a friendship. I'd be like, really? M. Bye bye.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, I don't think she's talked to that friend for the past twelve years.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. Yeah. I would probably be the same way. Be like, I don't know that I want to interact with this friend anymore because that's pretty extreme.

>> Alex K.: Which I have to say is actually really kind of flattering to you because it's like, wow, you've chosen to stand your ground and you've chosen to stand your ground in the favor of your values and the person you are calling, your soul mate. So, yeah. Holy crap, that's amazing.

>> Ruin Willow: It is.


Have you faced any prejudice for dating somebody from a different race or ethnic group

Have you felt like you faced any prejudice for dating somebody from a different race or ethnic group? Have you had to deal with that kind of a harsh situation?

>> Alex K.: So I have definitely had some looks here and there. I've, like I said, I've mostly lived in fairly diverse areas where people don't usually raise their eyebrows, but sometimes they do.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: You throw an age gap in there as well, and you get a lot of stairs, potentially, and people thinking the worst and assuming the worst. And then, of course, there are people who have this feeling that, okay, they need to protect their race, they need to protect their culture. And so any threat from the outside is a. Is a massive problem. And obviously, when we talk about white supremacists, this is, this is a huge deal. But, and they do not like anyone who dates outside of their race. So if you are. So if you're a white passing, but you don't quite qualify as white in their eyes, which is a very stern checklist, and you're dating someone outside of your race, of your race, they already don't like you, so they don't like you even more at that point.

>> Ruin Willow: Uh-huh.

>> Alex K.: But from the other extreme, you have people who are indian supremacists or indian nationalists who are really not fans of, especially their daughters, dating men, who are outside of their culture. And forget about dating women outside of even men outside of their culture. Are considered a bit of a threat. And sometimes that also happens, with African Americans. There are definitely some debates between African Americans where, you know, black women are dating white men and black men are not necessarily happy about it. And then you have black men dating white women, and black women are not necessarily happy about it. It all depends on their particular point of view. And this idea of, no, we have to preserve our culture from the outsiders. There's always that trend within any group of people, within any ethnicity. But at the same time, I also do have to note that, technically speaking, the more diverse humanity is, the better it is for us genetically, long term. Just from a scientific standpoint. Yeah, evolution is very much so. I think when people talk about the theory of evolution, how it applies to us, they left to focus on the whole survival of the fittest, which actually is not even in the theory of evolution. It's not in the origin of species. It is something that a eugenicist came up with. And evolution is actually kind of the hippie of the religions. It's like, hey, go different places, have fun with different people, have babies with people that you might not necessarily ever think of having babies with just by your culture alone. And, you know, in fact, when. When Darwin discovered that, inbreeding was having significant deleterious effects on his family, he said, wait, no, no, no. Hold on. You need to spread the genes around. So if anything, science is on the side of people who say, you know what, I wonder what's outside of my culture, what interesting people I can meet and what kind of connections I can make. And, hey, if some of them lead to offspring when that's the same thing.

>> Ruin Willow: With, like, dogs, right? If you have, you. You start having these genetic. When you're breeding dogs, you know, like, there's certain breeds of dogs that end up having the same health problems because they're doing so much in breeding. You know, so it makes sense. It makes sense we should be mixing it up.

>> Alex K.: I mean, all you need to do is look up the habsburg jaw. I wouldn't do the comparison to the dogs, but there is a term called hybrid vigor.

>> Ruin Willow: But, yeah, genetics is a thing, and, you know, we do need to mix it up. And I think that that's. I just think it's. I don't know. I have a really hard time with people that are that rigid and be like, no, you have to only be within your. Your group. And I just. I, tend to not like to hang out around those kind of people. You know, like, I just. I want to run away.

>> Alex K.: Those conversations never quite end well, do they?

>> Ruin Willow: Mm mm. They don't, and they're just too rigid. Those people are too rigid for me. And I just. I don't know. You like who you like. It doesn't matter. M shouldn't matter, you know? And I don't know. I just think it's just sad that a lot of people fall into that. So I just think the more open we are, the better.

>> Alex K.: And I do also think that there are people who have types, and they may not even know that they have types, and sometimes. And sometimes they encounter a type, and they're like, yep, that's. That's for me. That's what I like. That's what I'm into. That is what makes me happy. And funny enough, in my case, I didn't actually realize until I kind of looked back a little bit, through my dating history, and I was scratching my head going, oh, I like curvy redheads. That. That. That is apparently my. That's apparently my thing. I did not know this about me, but apparently that is my thing.

>> Ruin Willow: I think that's true, though. We do sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. We don't necessarily realize it within ourselves until we look back. Yeah.

>> Alex K.: But funny enough, that was also kind of very much cross cultural, where a lot of people who are redheads, they happen to have irish roots, and they are very, like, they are very different from me, and they have very different family histories. There's a lot of. Oh, yeah. Uncle was british, and grandpa was german. Not. Not that kind of German. No, no, he didn't. We know what he was doing during the war. He was not in Germany during the war. Don't worry about that. You know, so you get all of these different stories, and then you also go through.


Some Americans feel like they don't have any ancestral history

So I feel like whenever I talk about this in the United States, I have to mention something that people very seldom talk about, and that is that in the beginning of the 19th century, kind of the first wave of big anti immigration xenophobia, there was a whole process to try and homogenize white european american culture. And so a lot of people's stories were kind of erased and thrown under the bus. And when you have people who are coming in from Europe, from old european cultures who have that, who still have that history, that history has not been suppressed for generations, it can be a little bit jarring to some Americans where they feel like, oh, you have all of these traditions and history and things of that nature, and I'm not sure I have any. And my answer to that is, no, you do. You absolutely do. It's just that, they were kind of swept under the rock. So I'm kind of happy that a lot of people are doing that. Ancestry and 23 and, you know, you probably shouldn't look into that. You know, that 2% something or 3% something, but, you know, those 40, 50, 30%.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah.

>> Alex K.: M. That. You should definitely look into that. You should definitely research that because that is your story. You can trace back some very, very interesting histories and lineage and things that have been forgotten and go there and study a little bit more about where you came from and what your roots are. Because people have been moving back and forth around the world for millennia. Like, that's what made us who we are. And this whole idea that we're going to stay in one place, the whole idea that we are tethered to a particular territory for the rest of our lives, or we have this connection with, one single special land. When you really look down through history, it never makes sense and attempts to make it otherwise just end up with a lot of people feeling that they don't either have a history or they have to appropriate the history of others to make themselves feel a little bit whole. And.

>> Ruin Willow: Hm.

>> Alex K.: That's another thing that causes a lot of conflicts where when you accumulate that baggage, I feel like that's how that baggage gets accumulated.

>> Alex K.: Before the interaction even starts.

>> Ruin Willow: Yes. Oh, I totally agree. Yeah. That baggage that comes in. Yeah, absolutely. But that is the thing, though, like, you know, and, for me, it's interesting because I do feel like some people that I've interacted with in my life, they're kind of clinging to some of that stuff. Like, oh, this is from my grandma's. You know, this recipe is from my grandma and she's from Ireland. Or, you know, they're like, kind of like clinging to these little pieces of, culture that it feels special to them, but at the same time, it's been mixed, so. And I kind of have that too. Like, my, my dad actually was 100% finished, which is kind of rare to find somebody a hundred percent, and he, he was born here. And so I have some of those recipes too, that were like, finished recipes for my grandma, so. And to me, those are special recipes too. I don't really have any kind of other finished things or anything like that, but the recipes, they're, they're, they are, they're fun and I like them.

>> Alex K.: yeah, any, connection to the past can be meaningful. It's all about what you make it and then the other interesting thing is, since I, since I mentioned the whole DNA ancestry thing, you have to also keep in mind that a lot of these groups that they identify, a lot of times there's a lot of mixing between those groups as, well. So, for example, you have an, even some people who are 100% a certain label. Within that label, there may be eight or nine or ten different countries with all sorts of different populations. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that we look at it from the standpoint of dating across ethnic and racial lines is this weird, rare thing. But historically, that has actually been kind of the norm, is just that people have not really been super bold about it and very open about it because we haven't been so close together until now. But the whole idea of interracial marriages, inter ethnic marriages, has been around constantly for basically all of human history. So the way that I look at it, I'm just continuing to find tradition of my ancestors hopping across Europe and going, hey, you look cute. Do you want to get a drink?

>> Ruin Willow: Exactly. Yeah. If you think about that, that's true. I mean, especially in the european countries, because they're small and they're all close together. People are meeting each other. You know, it's not like way across the country in the United States, someone from Maine, someone from New Mexico, you know, in Europe, they're all, you're all closer together. So that happens more organically. Ah.

>> Alex K.: but the beauty of America is that you have all sorts of different ethnic groups and racial groups living here. So even if you do live in a country that large, you still encounter people from all walks of life and all sorts of histories. And because, immigration, in the United States used to be very, very, very permissive up until world war two. So there are a lot of ways to still cross those lines.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. And that's kind of what I think everybody, well, I think makes our country great, too, is we have all these different people that have come here and we're just all these different things together. you know, the classic melting pot discussion. I think it's wonderful. And so we are all people. I mean, bottom line is we're all people. So really, it doesn't. We shouldn't be so restrictive. But, we need to break that.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, absolutely. like you said, we are all people. And, if you are really into each other, the sex is good with all people.

>> Ruin Willow: Right.


I think where Americans views Europeans as being more permissive when it comes to sex

One thing I want to ask you before we get, we wrap up here is I feel like there's a total different viewpoint of sexuality in the US versus Europe. I feel like Europe is obviously, this isn't going to be 100%, but it's a little bit more permissive over there. They're a little bit more, It isn't as shameful. Sex isn't seen as shame, as shameful as it is here.

>> Alex K.: So, believe it or not, we actually did talk about it a little bit more depth on our podcast, and it's a bit of a misconception. So it's true and it's not true. So I think where Americans views Europeans as being more permissive when it comes to sex is their attitude towards nudity. Americans, Americans innately sexualize nudity. If you are naked, then it must be something sexual.

>> Ruin Willow: Right.

>> Alex K.: And Europeans are much more thinking, well, if you're naked, you might be just going to a spa or a sauna.

>> Ruin Willow: Right.

>> Alex K.: Or you don't want tan lines. Exactly. So it's very. Snudity is very much seen as well. That's just how bodies are when you take clothes off. It doesn't have to be sexual. And if, yes, we have a newspaper and like, page four or page five or page six, there's an ad of a woman and her breasts are out there. Okay, whatever, big deal. Yeah, we haven't. We have a guy shielding naked, almost full frontal nudity, pretending to, like, take a, you know, playing, soccer naked. And it's an ad for equipment that's for laughs. That's. That's fine.

>> Ruin Willow: That's no big deal.

>> Alex K.: That's no big deal. But when it actually comes to dating and sex, there's definitely some walls and traditions that go up immediately because, yes, it's one thing, you went to a sauna, you saw each other naked, whatever, but sex is something completely different. Like you're transitioning into something else. So that's, I feel, where the misconception comes from. And there are definitely some cultural norms in Europe that are also going under reform. There are some places where, yes, people are very open to non monogamy and polyamory. Polyamory who are just totally fine with white knight stance. And then there's countries where it's. It's really frowned. Still very frowned upon.

>> Ruin Willow: Okay.

>> Alex K.: And often enough, those are not the countries that you think they are.

>> Ruin Willow: Interesting.

>> Alex K.: And there's a big difference between the cities and the countryside. But isn't there always.

>> Ruin Willow: There always is. Yeah. That's a good point about the nudity, though, because we're a lot more like, yeah, we're freakish about nudity. Over here. It's just dumb.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, well, I remember being in Germany and late at night, flipping through tv, and there's a new show on, just your typical news show. Your news anchor going through the events of what's important in Europe that day. And then the next program up, a documentary about the state of the porn industry in Germany. And m. It's something you would expect to see on, like HBO. Yes, there was nudity. No one actually showed any sort of hardcore penetration or anything of that nature. But yes, the porn actors were naked, and they were talking about porn, and they were filming how they filmed the scenes. And that's just a channel on tv.

>> Ruin Willow: And regular channel, right?

>> Alex K.: Yeah. It's like, okay, it's ten or 11:00 p.m. kids have went to bed. It's up to you as an adult to be responsible for that. And, you know, this is what we're showing, and that's. It's not a big deal. And if in United States, somebody tried.

>> Ruin Willow: To do that, I know, I know. I just. I hated our culture like that. I just absolutely despise it. And I just think it's just. Oh, it's just gross. It's just a body.

>> Alex K.: I'm gonna say give it. I'm gonna say give it. About 15 years or so, and that will change.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah, that's probably true.


Alex and Ellie discuss interracial relationships on Talking Kink podcast

Oh, well, this has been so amazing, and I just really enjoyed what we talked about, and it's such an interesting thing to talk about. Is there anything that we haven't talked about or said that you wanted to touch on or say?

>> Alex K.: Honestly, I think that we could potentially dive into details of certain things, but I feel like this is a good primer, and maybe if people have the inclination to have some sort of very specific questions, we could try and figure out a way to revisit it.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Definitely. Yes. The person who wanted this, was really interested in finding out, just hearing people talk about interracial interactions on that kind of level. So definitely. Very interesting, and thank you so much for coming on. Tell everyone again where they can find you.

>> Alex K.: Oh, my pleasure. You can find me and Ellie on Talking Inc. With Alex and Ellie. You can download it anywhere that fine and not so fine podcasts can be downloaded. So Apple, Spotify, Soundcloud, Pod chaser, basically any. Any major podcast service were there. Talkingkinkpodcast.com is our website. You can also find us at Talking Kink on x talking Kink with Alex and Ellie on threads. You can also find us at Talking Kink with Alex and Ellie on instagram. And I think that's all the socials for now. We are working on a TikTok.

>> Ruin Willow: Yes. Which. That's a hard place to be when you're talking anything. Sex. So. Yeah, they kind of hate me over there. I still have my account, though. It's. They didn't delete me, but I've had several violations.

>> Alex K.: Yeah, lots of mentions of corn there. If you're a midwesterner, you may be slightly confused.

>> Ruin Willow: All that corn on the Internet, you know, put some butter on and eat it.

>> Alex K.: Don't forget a little bit of salt.

>> Ruin Willow: Yeah, and a little bit of salt. Exactly. We have great corn here. We have right now is really top corn time. So, well, that's.

>> Alex K.: That's one thing I miss about the midwest, that the corn is exceptional.

>> Ruin Willow: It is. Especially this time of the year. It's just like, wow, that's amazing. Yeah, definitely. Well, thanks again, and we'll definitely be chatting again. Obviously, we have our future plans. Talking about the, loss of virginity, which. That's gonna be a really fun discussion. And thank you so much for coming on. I really had a blast.

>> Alex K.: A, pleasure.

>> Ruin Willow: You have a good night.

>> Alex K.: You too.

>> Ruin Willow: Bye. Bye.


Servicing the workmen, Her filthy hotwife adventures audiobook blurb:

>> Ruin Willow: Servicing the workmen ,Her filthy hotwife adventures books one to five written by Ruin Willow and Ruin Willow. Narrated by Ruin Willow, this book can be found on online sellers. Search for servicing the workmen her filthy hotwife adventures. Books one to five. When Laney plays John stays. Lainey lost her job. Even though she'd always been a strong, hard working, career minded, and independent woman. Both she and her husband, John, agreed. They liked her as a housewife better for several reasons. Staying home, Lainey enjoyed learning to gourmet cook, working out like a gym rat, and making love to her husband on a daily basis. They had even ventured into the alternative lifestyle of a hot wife way of life and had found they loved it. Whether John had arranged the dates or, Lainey found her own conquests, they both were satiated by the secret taboo wife sharing acts and especially the reclaiming of Lainey by John. After the steamy, sex filled dates, Lainey lusted after all the workmen that came to the house. And John loved to see her happy and satiated. So he encouraged her playing with him, but only if he was nearby as director and overseer of the event. They enjoyed their life, and the workman got to, live it with them for a short, hot stint of pleasure that none of them would ever forget. But Lainey was insatiable as was John till their journey was just beginning. Get all five of the books in one book, available in ebook, paperback, and in audiobook. Check online sellers including Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Walmart ruins own sites you can buy directly from ruin and smashwords. Look for the next book in the series, available on Amazon and Apple, and also kindle Unlimited. Anderson comes home.

Get the book: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/servicingtheworkmenherfilthyhotwifeadventuresaudiobook

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