For Men: Unlocking King Energy with Justin Nault, on Authentic Masculinity and Emotional Mastery, Helpful for Women too

Ep 566: For Men: Unlocking King Energy with Justin Nault, on Authentic Masculinity and Emotional Mastery, Helpful for Women, too. While this is more of a discussion for men, I really encourage women to listen, too, because this is the kind of conversation that can help everyone understand each other better.

What does this have to do with sex? A lot! We must look at ourselves as a whole and starting with basic changes to see real improvement. Take it from Justin! Listen now!

Redefining Masculinity: Join Ruan Willow as she dives deep into a transformative conversation with Justin Nault, the creator of King vs Prince, a groundbreaking program designed to help men evolve from ego-driven behaviors into authentic King energy. Justin, a leader in redefining modern masculinity, shares his insights on emotional mastery, radical self-acceptance, and the importance of authentic leadership.

In this engaging episode, Ruan and Justin discuss the critical connection between physical health, sexual well being, and emotional intelligence. Justin emphasizes the need for men to address root causes of their issues rather than just treating symptoms, and he provides actionable advice on how to achieve true transformation through internal work.

They explore the complexities of modern relationships, the impact of societal expectations on masculinity, and the necessity of open communication in partnerships. Justin's unique perspective on the balance of strength and vulnerability challenges the conventional notions of masculinity, encouraging listeners to embrace their authentic selves.

Connect with Justin:

• TikTok
• Instagram
• Facebook
• YouTube

Topic Timeline:
00:43 - Justin is the creator of King vs Prince, a masculinity coaching program
08:47 - Sex is compartmentalized everywhere we look
11:56 - Is mushroom coffee a hoax?
14:44 - Get men out of ego driven behavior in romantic relationships
19:34 - The biggest thing that we do with couples is communication
25:40 - Modern masculinity often confuses strength with dominance, which is problematic
31:11 - Most of what happens in 50 Shades is completely non-consensual
32:18 - When I was younger, I was resentful of men
38:07 - Being in a place where we can receive from our partner
40:26 - So what are some things that you tell men that can help them stop...
44:49 - Getting comfortable expressing the full range of emotions through honesty
46:19 - Your take on porn
50:26 - Our society has programmed women to think if he likes porn, he doesn't like me
56:12 - Tell your partner how you're feeling without words. It's such a simple fix
58:19 - There are masculine feminine polarity dynamics in every partnership

Ruan's books: http://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/

Transcript

Season 5, Episode 566: For Men: Unlocking King Energy with Justin Nault, on Authentic Masculinity and Emotional Mastery, Helpful Perspectives for Women to hear too!

This transcript was created by Headliner ai and was not edited. Therefore, it is not 100% accurate and will contain misspellings. Email ruanwillow@gmail.com with questions. Copyright 2025 by Pink Infinity Publishing LLC, All Rights Reserved. NO AI training allowed with this content without permission from Pink Infinity Publishing LLC!

Ruan Willow: Hello everyone, this is Ruan Willow I'm super excited to talk to this person today. We're going to have a great conversation and it's something that I think will help a lot of people and I think it will actually help everyone. It's not just for one group of people. It's going to help a lot of people. You can find my podcasts and all the different apps and then in video, it's on YouTube and subtack. And I do have, a copy on Spotify of my podcast where I can put videos. So anybody who wants to watch the video can do that. So this is for people listening to the audio right now. You can go and look at us and everything and see what we look like and watch us, because watching is fun.


Justin Nault is the creator of King vs Prince, a masculinity coaching program

Okay, so I'm going to introduce this person and I'm going to read the little blurb about him. And his name is Justin Nault Did I say that right?

Justin Nault: Nailed it.

Ruan Willow: Awesome. Okay. Justin Knultt is the creator of King vs Prince, a transformative program that helps men evolve from ego driven behaviors into mature, grounded King energy. As a leader in redefining modern masculinity, Justin guides men towards emotional mastery, radical self acceptance and authentic leadership. With, a background in entrepreneurship, music and holistic health, Justin's unique approach blends strength and vulnerability, helping men embrace true masculine power and lead with confidence and compassion. With over 650,000 followers and a thriving 12,000 member Clovis community, Justin is leading a revolution in health, showing people that true freedom comes from living authentically and rejecting toxic trends. And the other things I want to mention quick, from the other part on this sheet is authentic King energy. And his revolutionary approach defines masculinity, balancing strength and vulnerability, power with compassion. And I think this is really important too. Oh, I gotd. Read the whole sentence, otherwise you'd be confused. His journey into masculinity coaching emerged from his own experience of self discovery, emotional growth, and a relentless pursuit to redefine modern, modern masculinity in a world that often confuses strength with dominance. That line really stood out to me too, so I wanted to make sure I mentioned that. Welcome, Justin. I'm super excited to talk with you.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, thank you so much for having me here. I'm excited.

Ruin Willow: Yes. This is going to be fun. So for people listening, we're going to touch on other things he does too, but we're also going to talk about what he does in relation to sexuality, sexual health and sexual well being.


Your social media following really took off talking about metabolic health, sexual health

So I guess I'M going to, tip it off to you. And how does what you're teaching, how can m men grow in those areas I just mentioned with your plan in mind?

Justin Knultt: Yeah, I think that, you know, I sort of had this ecosystem that is the communities that I've built in the programs that I run. So my social media following really took off talking about metabolic health, which is sexual health, period. You know, it s like, I see a lot of people today attacking things like low libido, low testosterone, estrogen dominance through the angle of hormone replacement therapy, or trying to figure out like they're attacking it at the level of the hormones without realizing that the metabolism is upstream and creating those hormones. Right. So we actually have to go to the root cause. Most people are treat the symptoms instead of treating the root cause. And when I teach my clients is a term called how you do something is how you do everything. So if somebody is struggling with toxic relationships or usually a lot of men that come to me that are convinced that all women are the same without realizing that they are the common denominator. Right. It's like they're trying to choose a new partner which is treating symptoms, not treating the root cause. So everything that I do is internally based. We're manifesting different things that we want in life. Whether it's, less body fat and more muscle mass or more conscious loving relationships or more money in our business or a better relationship with our kids, whatever it may be. Your entire reality is just a mirror reflecting back your internal state. So we're doing the internal work to make our outer experience change. But the transformation is always internal. So with men, I have sort of a pyramid. We where like, I have to clean up their diet, I have to get the poison out of their food, I have to get the polyester boxer shorts off their testicles. I have to do all these things to make their metabolism function in a way where they can have a healthy high libido, they can have the cognitive function to go succeed in their career and be the providers that they want to be. And we can dig into that sort of heteronormative provider term. Right. But this is it. We start at the base of the foundation of that pyramid and work our way up toward eventual self actualization. Right. Which is a big crazy word, but I'm basically trying to help men transform their outer experience instead of constantly feeling like they are a victim of their outer experience. Does that make sense?

Ruin Willow: M It does and it does. And if we think about the whole, everybody has heard this before you are what you eat. And so if you're going to talk about these things, libido and whatnot, and you're not going to talk about it in relation to food, that doesn't even logically make sense. Right.

Justin Knultt: 100%. And well, not only that, it's like if you're not addressing the root cause of the problem and you're just slathering testosterone cream on your testicles every night.

Ruin Willow: Right, Right.

Justin Knultt: You are doing significantly more damage to the HBA access. This is where you get people that have been on, you know, TRT for they're 28 years old getting on TRT because they want six pack abs and now they're 34 with a healthy romantic relationship, they want to make babies and they can't. And we have to go through a WHO fertility process of correcting yah because'a it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound and you're like, maybe it will stop bleeding, I don't know. So then I come in years later, I have to rip the band aid off, I have to reopen that wound, dig out all the mrsa, Right. Disinfect it properly, sew it up and actually heal that root cause. So I see a lot of this stuff, especially because of toxic diet and fitness culture where everyone on Instagram is 7% body fat. So you have 25 year olds taking TRT, it's a nightmare situation for men right now.

Ruin Willow: That is a nightmare situation. And so I'm not totally familiar with that kind of stuff. So is that kind of saying, like, they're just having too much muscle mass? Is that kind of what you're saying? is it that or what is it that's preventing them from being able to be sexual?

Justin Knultt: Yeah. So the way to describe it is your body has one fuel tank and all of the functions of your body are pulling from that fuel tank. So I'm using a little bit of fuel to have this conversation. And right now my lungs are breathing air, my heart is pumping, my brain's functioning, my hair is growing, all my muscles are recovering from yesterday's workout. Right. All pulling from same, that same gas tank, that fuel tank. My libido is pulling from that fuel tank. My hormone production is pulling. It's one fuel tank. So what these guys tend to do is they eat in a calorie deficit, usually with processed food. So they're eating poison, not eating enough calories because they want to be shredded. And then they're taking trt, which sends a signal to their body to use more of that fuel to build muscle. So it's saying no matter what you do, we need more muscle. Muscle is now a higher priority than everything else. And this is where you get this term that I've been saying online that makes people very angry is you have a bunch of influencers who are running around with infertile six packs. So they're super shredded. They sent a signal to their body. The only thing that's important here is more muscle. More muscle. And then they're in a situation where like they look like a Greek God and they have to take Viagra when they're with a woman because they've destroyed their metabolic system and they can't tell what's going on. Right. They're balding. They're like dealing with male pattern baldness. They can't get it up, all this stuff. And then I come in and I'm like, ooh, you did this backwards and we need to start over. See what I'm saying?

Ruin Willow: Yeah. Oh, for sure. And I think it's interesting because everywhere we look, everyone wants to separate sexuality from, you know, it's over here. It'it's by itself. It doesn't. No, it's integral. It's in the pot. Like you said. It's in the pot with everything else. And everybody wants to separate. Oh no, that doesn't matter. That goes over there. We don't need to worry about that right now. So I feel like it gets shoved off.

Justin Knultt: Well, and this is where mainstream medicine has done that, right? Yes. We have hand surgeons that don't learn about nutrition. So it's like I handled the hand, there's one doctor that handles just the liver. And it'we try to separate this thing. The human body is a holistic whole organism. Our entire reality, which we are the creators of, by the way, is a holistic experience. I can be miserable in a 40 hour a week job that I absolutely hate.


Sex is compartmentalized everywhere we look, right? Right

That soul crushing and have an optimal romantic relationship and have an optimal relationship with my children and have the community that I want to have. Right. It's all interconnected. What you're saying is spot on.

Ruin Willow: It's compartmentalized everywhere we look. Right. And it doesn't make any sense. It's not even logical. I always use the thing to like I say this all the time. Probably everybody gets sick of me hearing it. If you're eating a strawberry, someone came up to you and said, you're not supposed to taste that strawberry. Just stop it. And this is the same thing. With sexuality, we have these sexual organs, these sensations. And nobody would come up to you and say if someone said that to you, people say that to you about sexuality. But nobody says that about a strawberry. Why is it different? Why is it compartmentalized? It shouldn't be. It's all us. And so I just. It's logical and I think it's weird that our culture and our society has gone into this place where it does segment things. It's odd.

Justin Knultt: It is. It's very odd. And there's so many parallels. Right. So for me, right now we have the rise of RFK Jr. And something called Make America Healthy Again. Right. I don't mean that from a political standpoint. I mean, people right now are starting to hear that seed oils might be bad for you or red dye number 40 might be bad for you. So everything RFK is saying, I've been saying on a podcast for over eight years and 250 episodes. The difference w. Yeah, been I've been standing on the hill, getting shot with arrows, getting called to quack, being told I'm spreading misinformation. Now, I had a 15 year music career before this, so online hate, it's like water off a duck. It doesn't matter to me. But there are a lot of people who won't share their truth because they're afraid of the hate that comes.

Ruin Willow: Yeah, yeah.

Justin Knultt: M. Now again, how you do something is how you do everything. Look at sexual health, right? Like we're in a. We're in a Christian nation.

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: So all of a sudden I'm up here saying, hey, listen, I think Doritos are actually poison and they're like quack, fear mongerr. Name calling. Right? And then I'm over here, like, I think that we should talk about how sex is awesome and most people want way more sex in their life. And we can actually talk about some things outside the norm, whether it's non monogamy or the BDSM community or whatever it may be. Right?

Ruin Willow: Yes.

Justin Knultt: And immediately it's going to be named. You're going to get called cuck. You're going to get called all sorts of names. All these things you are going hu at you. So again, this whole integral piece of like, any time you swim against the current of the mainstream, you're going to get lashed out at.

Ruin Willow: That's true, that's true. And I'm with you too. It just water off the back. You can say whatever you want about me. That doesn't impact who I am or what I believe I'M still going to say and do what I believe. And so you know, trolls. Be trolls. Be trolls. Okay. Ye, you do you troll, I'm gonna do me.

Justin Knultt: So it sounds to me if I'm projecting here it sounds like at some point you have done some self love work.

Ruin Willow: Oh absolutely. And, and for me it definitely hits in the 40s for me when I hit my 40s and I started to not care what other people thought of me and I'm like I'm me, I'm gonna do what I want toa do. So yes, 100%. And so I and fully in supportive people doing that kind of thing. So yeah, that's what people need to do. So this is kind of what you help people do, right? Yeah.


Is mushroom coffee a hoax or is it real that it really helps you

I have a question. I'm drinking mushroom coffee. Is that a ah, hoax or is it real that it really helps you?

Justin Knultt: Which mushroom coffee are you drinking? I probably know the founder.

Ruin Willow: I think it's rise. I think it's coffee.

Justin Knultt: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the rise guys. I know the every day dose guy, a dear friend of mine, I know the four sigmatic guy, all the mushroom co co. but yeah, there's a lot of clinical data around certain things, particularly lion's mane being heavily beneficial for human health. So yeah, I mean assuming that there's a good dose of it in there and it's actually bioavailable and all those things which it seems to be, I think you're getting benefit from it for sure.

Ruin Willow: And it has sexual health benefits. Right?

Justin Knultt: There you go. Yes. I mean there are definitely studies that show that, you know, so again it's all these things. I'm a bit skeptical. Right. I have a lot of One of the things I get in so much trouble for is I believe that the illusion of authority is a huge problem. I don't actually like, I fundamentally don't believe in most of what is called science today. I think it's bought and paid for, it's corrupt and all these things and like, and also I own supplement companies so I know I can spend 25 grand and I could do a study on my supplements and I could basically make it say whatever I want. so I'm a little careful about these things. But I know these founders of the companies that you're talking about are wonderful people. They are looking at real data and they genuinely care about their customers and there are a lot of supplement companies that are not that way. So like 100% in your eyes for sure.

Ruin Willow: Good to know Good to know. And I want other people to know these things too. And it's true though, like, just because you hear a study of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it doesn't mean it's valid, you know. Right. The people who to buy into authority, I like, oh, you know that I was studied. This is true. I'GOT to be a little more discerning than that. Right?

Justin Knultt: Yeah. I mean, the FDA, for the first time in 30 years just came out and said eggs are a health food for humans.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: Can you imagine waiting 30 years to eat eggs because you need some magical authority or organization to tell you it's outrageous. It's.

Ruin Willow: But people do that. Yeah.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. It's the same with seed oils. Right? Like seed oils were an industrial waste product. Procter and Gamble bribed the American Heart association, the equivalent of $21 million today to create science that said saturated fat is good in poly. I mean saturated fat is bad. So don't eat animal fats, which we'd been eating for 3 million years. And E from, a laboratory. Right. And now we don't have any clinical randomized control trials that could go the length of time required to show how harmful seed oils are, which would be over six years, be impossible to do. It cost trillions dollars and you have to lock people in rooms for six years.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: I'm not waiting for the data to stop eating seed oils. Right'darwinism? At its best. It's like, I'm not going to do that. I don't need some man in a lab coat to tell me that's not good for me, you know?

Ruin Willow: No.


M tries to get men out of ego driven behavior in romantic relationships

So what are some things? Like, I'm really curious about your whole, your thing of being a prince versus a king. Like what exactly does that mean and what are, is there anything you could tell people to start thinking about that process? Like a first step into. What does that mean?

Justin Knultt: Yeah. Number one is if you've not been in relationship before ever, it'll be a little hard. But most adults listening to this will have been in romantic relationships. And I just say, find your triggers, man. You know where they are. You know what gets you upset. You know how your partner knows just what to say to push your buttons and get you to lash out in a way that you're usually embarrassed by a few hours later. So this is why I asked you immediately. I know when you say water off a duck with trolls online, I know you've done self work, self worth and self love work. I know that. Right. I can feel it on you energetically. It's a real thing, right? I'm uncancelable, me, I'm authentically me. And I've set my life up in a way where no authority has control over me, right? Like every dollar that comes into my bank account is a direct result of my authentic self expression. Talking about things that I do and that I'm passionate about and that are authentic to me. That's what I'm trying to get men to. And in the opener you said I try to get men out of ego driven behavior. The ego is not bad. The ego is our friend, right? The ego is what keeps us alive. So I bring people back in time and help them see, when you're a child, the core primary need that you have is love. But not just because love feels good, because you need grown ups to care about you enough to keep you alive. You need food, shelter, water, protection, all these things. So if we go back to like basic youngie in depth psychology, the things that got us more love as children, that made our parents happy and we saw big bright smiley faces on our mom and dad, we do more of that and those behaviors end up in our ego. The things that get us yelled at or spanked or turned away from or parents telling us they're disappointed, those behaviors end up in our shadow. Right? So this is what I'm trying to pull men out of. We're trying to help them do real shadow work. To not only see what's in their shadow, but to integrate it and love it just as much as they love their ego behaviors. So if that sounds complex and people are not familiar with depth psychology or any of these things, I give a very, very simple visualization that everyone can think about right now. There is a five year old boy, he's in the kitchen. His mom is baking a chocolate cake for a party later that afternoon. And then mom says, I have to go upstairs and take a shower. Do not touch that cake. And the five year old says, you got it mom. The mom goes upstairs, takes a shower. She comes back 10 minutes later, the cake is smashed to pieces. It's all over the island. It's all over the hands. This kid, this 5 year old has cake smeared all over his face. He has cake in his cheeks, big puffy cheeks. Cake is in his mouth. And the mom says, did you eat that cake? And he looks her dead in the eyes and shakes his head back and forth and says, no, that's Prince energy. M and that Prince energy. Please mommy, don't take away my love that follows men into their romantic relationships into adulthood. So every single day I go, I spoke on stage at an event with, seven, eight and nine figure entrepreneurs, over 300 of them. The amount of 55 year old princes that I meet is staggering. Right?

Ruin Willow: Wow.

Justin Knultt: You know a lot about somebody when they get two, three drinks in their system. And the way they start talking about their romantic partner or they start talking about what it's like to be a dad and the obligations and then this and then that. You can feel this stuff on these men where they're repressed. And most of what they're doing, if men are not outright lying, most of them are at the very least withholding. They're either withholding habits that they have, like pornography, or they're withholding needs that they have that they've never expressed to their partner, or they're withholding desires for life, what they want their future to look like, things they want to participate in that they're afraid to even bring up with their partner. And I try to help these men see in the gentlest way possible, in the most empathetic way possible, is the only reason you don't share yourself 100%, fully, radically and authentically is fear of loss of love. Five year old, the chocolate cake in his mouth. And that's where we need to start.

Ruin Willow: Wow, that is really intriguing. And I think that totally applies to not sharing your desires, your kinks, your sexual turn ons, because you are afraid of what the other person is going to say. And yeah, that makes perfect sense. And know I'm all about on this podcast trying to get people to, to shed that, to get rid of that shame and be like, you know what, it's just a kink, it's just a fantasy. It doesn't define you. Right. Just like our acts don't aff. Find us. So, Yes, I totally get what you're saying. It makes perfect sense.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, it's critically important. I mean, and when we get into kinks and you know, the power of BDSM and in particular is fascinating.


The biggest thing that we do with couples is communication, right

Right. Where I always try to tell people because I work with couples as well, and the biggest thing that we do with couples is communication. And I can walk you through how we improve communication. But I always tell people romance at its core is rep parnting.

Ruin Willow: Hm.

Justin Knultt: You are meeting the emotional needs of your partner that were not meant for them when they were children.

Ruin Willow: Hm.

Justin Knultt: So, you know, and this is, this is where you have like cliches that are like derogatory cliches of like, oh, if she has daddy issues. She's goingna end up on a stripper pole dating a bunch of assholes, right? Well, yeah, if dad was an asshole. She desperately wanted dad's validation and love. So she did things to seek validation and love. And what's a quick way to get male attention? Go get on a stripper p. Right. These, these stigmas, these cliches, they exist for a reason. But that is a little child in a grown up body who desperately wants daddy to love her. And she's trying to figure that out, but she's going after what she saw modeled to her as a child, which is a bunch of assholes who are nevernna show up for her and are gonna use her. Right?

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: So these are the things that we have to heal. It's like, what's the emotional experience that you're going for? Right. You're not just looking for attention from men. There are emotions on the other side of healthy attention from men. That is what you're actually seeking. You just don't know how to peel back that layer.

Ruin Willow: Yeah, that's a very intriguing, viewpoint. And I hadn't really thought about it that way, but it does make sense. I mean, you know, it's everything we do, right? We're trying to feed something in ourselves to nurture something, right? Yeah. So that makes perfect sense. But then you have all these people who are like going the wrong way or buying into things that aren't going to actually get them what they need.

Justin Knultt: Exact. Exactly.

Ruin Willow: So when you, when you're teaching men and say you're teaching, someone who has prince mentality, how do you, how do you convince them that they're doing it? Like do. Because they're probably in denial. They're probably like, no, I'm not doing that. Like, do you find that people, men will be like, no, that's not me. I'm not like that. I'm the strong one.

Justin Knultt: Never. If somebody gets as far as getting on a call with me, I have never, I can say this honestly, I have never once in my life gotten on an intro call with somebody who's interested in me as a coach where they don't have an experience, where they're looking around like, dude, do you have fucking cameras in my house? Like, how do you know what? I just booughtht with my partner about this this morning and last month this thing happened and she caught me watching porn and blah. I like. And they're like, how do you know this? You're in my head and I'm like, Listen, man, your problems feel unique and it feels like you're the only one in the world. But again, when I'm going back to all this depth psychology and you're here and you're like, that makes a lot of sense. I've never thought about that. Yeah, actually that seems logical, right? It's just basic human psychology that I'm walking them through. So most of the time it's like a, you know, men get on these intro call and I'm like, they share a little bit with me and I'm like, let me guess, X, Y, Z is happening. And they're like, whoa, dude, take my money. I need to work with you on this. Right? Because it's just. And again, right, like the circles that I'm in. I own two supplement companies. I own a coaching business, right. I was in real estate and Airbnbs and all these things. And then also on the masculine side, I'm a purple belt and jiu jitsu. I was a boxer. I can deadlift £400. I did all the man things, right? And then I was a performer. I was a professional musician for 15 years. Yeah, that'cool 300 shows a year. Had a reality TV show on ABC by the time I was 25. I got all the women in my 20s, you know, all the things that they think they want, that they think are go going toa satisfy these needs they have within them. I've accomplished them. The women, the money, the fame, all the things, right? So I try to help them. See, I end up working with a lot of very young men because today's society with like digital e commerce is insane. I was talking to a 24 year old who had one VA on his team. He was making $2 million a month. Wow. and I'm asking him about his experience and he's like, honestly, he's like, it was so easy that most of the day I was just playing video games and thinking about how I really wanted a girlfriend. Right? So this is what we're dealing with now. In his mind, I'mn toa get the money and everything's going toa fall into place. I'm, going, I'm going toa have all this confidence.


People under 30 that are cryptocurrency millionaires are dating women that treat them terribly

Women are going toa want me and like, dude can't leave his basement, right? Because he hasn't dealt with the internal self worth, the insecurities, the confidence issues. So I end up working with a lot of guys. Another one today is, you know, people under the age of 30 that are cryptocurrency millionaires. And they have the Lambo and they have the Rolex, and they're pulling up in Miami with, a valet, throwing the keys to the valet type thing. And then they're just dating women that treat them terribly, and they don't. Don't get the intimate connection that they want. So they don't. They don't even understand their own incentives. It's like what you're looking for always, always, always, always is more love.

Ruin Willow: Yeah. So basically, the men that have come to view already have had the light bulb go off and be like, okay, right. So you're trying to reach more men to get that light bulb to go bink. And then they can are. You know, they're more accepting and understand that they have this work to do.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. And there's a. There's a great quote by a coach named Peter Crro where he talks about, children, and he says, your children will do a terrible job listening to you. They will do an excellent job becoming you. Right.

Ruin Willow: M m. Right.

Justin Knultt: So a lot of what happens, you know, this. This happened to me. I was on a trip in Bali, and a big group of a whole bunch of entrepreneurs and these people got to spend a full week with my fiance, Megan, and I. And the last day of that trip, I had multiple guys come up to me who are currently single that are like, I have never seen a relationship like this. How does she treat you so well? Why is she so sweet to you? And she loves up on you, and she says the nicest thing to you, and you guys are so supportive of each other, and you don't put each other down. what is happening here? I've never seen anything like this. And I'm like, if you want it, I got the keys of the kingdom.

Ruin Willow: And then they end.

Justin Knultt: You know, it's just live by example.

Ruin Willow: That's amazing.


Modern masculinity often confuses strength with dominance, which is problematic

Now, I would love to delve into this statement a little bit more. Where the modern masculinity in a world where it often confuses strength with dominance, because I think that's so true. And people don't really understand the distinction between you acting like a dominant and being dominant in strength and where all that lays. What do you have to say about that sentence? I'd love to hear you expand more on that.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. There's an amazing book called the Heart of Dominance that I actually think all men and women actually should read, to really understand the heart of dominance. Right. It's like, this is why BDSM communities can be so powerful. And even playing around the edges of BDSM in a monogamous relationship, non monogamous, whatever, can be really powerful. Because when I would be considered a dominant. Right. That's my relationship, dynamic that we have.

Ruin Willow: Sure.

Justin Knultt: Now, you know, my partner Megan is an epic multi eight figure entrepreneur. She's an independent woman. She can do anything that I can do for sure. Right. So she, to be in a more submissive state by choice. That makes her feel good. Right. So I try to help people see that in the bdsm, this kind of DOM subspace, the sub is really in control and the sub is getting a lotot out of this thing. She's relying on a strong dominant structure to help her experience parts of herselves in a way that she can't access without that strong structure holding it down for her or him or whoever. Right. So I think a lot of what we see today is this sort of fake dominance which is what would be described as toxic masculinity on social media. Right.

Ruin Willow: I think, yeah.

Justin Knultt: One of the most insane influencers that we ever see is David Goggins where he's like screaming at the camera like, don't be a Bitch, I ran 100 miles today. You ain't shit. I'm like, wow. I'm like watching it. I'm like, damn, people get something out of this. Like this is, this guy's running from demons. Right. It's like, right. There's been no internal work done there, so I think. But again, I'm only speaking from experience. I'm 38 years old and I had to do all of the most masculine things you could think of. The bodybuilding, the powerlifting, the boxing, the jiu jitsu was. I was part of a militia for years in Tennessee just to get weapons training. I'm like learning how to clear houses with AR15. What, in what world am I going to need to use that? I don't know. But in my 26 year old brain it was super important and I just needed everyone to know that I was a man to be feared and respected, you know?

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: It wasn't until my early 30s that I even learned how to express emotions. And you know, I started therapy in my, around age 27 and then by 33 I found somatic, emotional work with a coach who like taught me to feel my feelings. And the only feeling that I was capable of at the time was it was either happiness or rage. So we had to use that side door. So I'm doing somatic rage practices because I'm comfortable with this expression and the next thing I know, I'm, like, bawling my eyes out and crying. I'm like, what's going on here? I'm accessing parts of myself that had been long suppressed. So there's a holistic man that has all of his emotional spectrum available to him. And until you have all of your emotional spectrum available to you, you cannot empathize with other people's emotions.

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: So when you only have happy and angry, it doesn't matter what your romantic partner is experiencing, you're going to try to hammer and nail the situation of like, well, I'm either happy or sad, so you seem sad. Why don't you just fix it? Right? And there's no empathy there.

Ruin Willow: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's just that. That's, like, just so powerful. And I think that. I think that the whole general view is, that, yeah, dominance is one thing, when really it's something different. And you're totally right. you. I talked to a lot of people that are in the BDSM community. People have lived the dom sub life, or, you know, even just play in there. It is the sub who has the most, who's in control. They're the one that gives the consent. And I think that's what's missing from our world too, our culture, our society, is that consent piece in thinking that, you know, the definition of being a leader or of being masculine, of being a man versus being a woman, and it's all just fucked up, you know, it really just is. It's hard.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. And what's interesting too, is if we draw parallels, right? Like, I'm a purple belt and jiu jitsu, so there are a lot of men out there who train ju jitsu at a very high level, and they have no experience with BDSM or kink or play or non monogamy or they have no experience with that. But every day they walk into a gym and maybe they're a blue belt and they're about to roll with a black belt, and they slap hands and they go, okay, let's do this. Ra. And then they play fight, right? It's not play fight. It's very serious. It's very intense. But that sixth degree black belt could murder that blue belt in 15 seconds. Like, bl. End his life, right? So this guy, unknowingly, is coming into the subspace and it's like, hey, big strong man, you are very skilled at this thing, and I'm trusting you. And I actually want to practice my own skills and express myself. In a way that I can only do against this more powerful, structured thing. Right?

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: And they know that they're playing a game, just like a safe word. The safe word in Jiu jitsu is Iap. Right. okay, so this black belt wraps me up, and he's about to strangle me. And, the room starts going black. Okay.


Most of what happens in 50 Shades is completely non consensual

And I go. And he lets go immediately. And he goes, hey, buddy, great job. And we slap hands again. Maybe we give a hug. great job, man. You got it right. So I'm trying to help people see, like, the stigma that is around BDSM really comes from, like, 50 shades of gray, which is like the worst representation of this thing that you could possibly. 100% most of what happens in 50 Shades is completely non consensual. Like, it's really a very strange experience of that. But anyway, so I think that's where the stigmas come from, where, like, a lot of people, like juuitsu trainers or whatever, like, practicing this every day without knowing it. And it's extremely powerful.

Ruin Willow: Yeah. And I mean, that's such a true thing. So I think the 50 Shades did do one good thing. It brought different viewpoints or sexualities to the light of the world and brought it out there, but it portrays it so poorly and so wrong that now everybody has a wrong idea. So it's kind of like a good, bad phenomena that happened. I think. I've personally never read it or watched it, but I've talked to so many people who have, and everybody says the same exact things. Not everybody. People that really understand the dynamics. Say exactly what you just said.


When I was younger, I was resentful of men

Justin Knultt: Yeah.

Ruin Willow: I'm going to say something that I think this is interesting for me. So when I was younger, and I'm a woman, obviously, and women aren't as strong as men, so I went through a big chunk of my life feeling, How should I say this? Almost angry at men, that they were stronger than I was, that they had things I didn't have. And, I think it came from me thinking that physical strength is more important than other strength. And that was fed to me by society. So I kind of was like, I don't know, angry or resentful of men. And I've now shed that. But I often wonder, do you come across that, or do you think there's a lot of women who were like me, who maybe resentment instead of just, you know, accepting that they're just different? It's just, I don't know, do you know what I'm saying? Or am I just like cockn circles.

Justin Knultt: Only know what you're saying. I mean if we go back in time, right? The term whichitch literally means like a woman who is in control of her own fate, right? So men have been very, very, very intimidated by the feminine for a long time. And that's because the feminine power that men don't. Right? Which is also why if you look back throughout all of history, why like you know, medieval times and stuff, why rape is so prominent is because men didn't really know how to dance with the feminine. So it just became dominance, right? Like non consensual dominance. Which is ridiculous. Right. My partner Megan, like I call her my oracle and I talk about this all the time. I'm like, listen, if I'm really stuck on something, like I go out, I do, providing I do those things, I run the businesses. If I'm stuck, stuck, stuck on something, I go straight to her and I give her all the context. How do you feel about this thing? And she gives me a reflection. Hey, this feels a little bit like that last time you trusted that guy to do this thing. You remember how that one went? And let me give you a different perspective. Every time I'm gonna do what she tells me to do. She has this psychic freickaking feminine oracle thing that I can't understand. And she's also, she was also the founder of a beauty company, at 24 years old that is bigger than all of my companies combined. So she's an excellent CEO, she can play with the boys. She came into the patriarchy and built a multi 8 figure E commerce company. Like this woman is incredible, right? But she does business and she does CEOing and leadership far different than I do. We could not be more different in that thing. And that's because we have, what's not happening in society is we're not respecting the strengths of men and making those strengths equal to the strengths of women. It's not like can my partner Megan deadlift as much as I can deadlift, right. Why would she? She's immediately at a disadvantage. She should use her advantages to overcome the advantage that I have, right?

Ruin Willow: yeah.

Justin Knultt: Businesses bigger than I can. Because her feminine intuition and her feminine discernment is so much stronger than mine. Her feminine is stronger than my feminine. Now I have my internal feminine and I had to learn and grow and integrate my feminine to become a whole man, to experience divine masculinity. Right? But her feminine is way stronger than mine and it's a superpower. And even in metabolic health If I try to help people, women see this. There are two books for women when it comes to metabolic health that I recommend. One is called Invisible Women, which goes through the history of the fact that in scientific studies in America there are virtually no female subjects. It's mostly college aged men. So it's like the science says intermittent fasting is good for you, and the science says you have a 30 day workout program and you lift five days per week. I'm like, all those studies were done on men. You need to completely change it.

Justin Knultt: The other book is called Wild Power. Wild Power is helping women understand that since the advent of birth control, really, our society has been programmed to think that, women's periods or their entire cycle or the fluctuations in their cycle are annoying. It's a pain, but, oh, I gotta deal with this stupid obligatory thing. Let me just take this pill and turn it off so I can be more like the men and I can go to work like this whole thing.

Ruin Willow: Right, right.

Justin Knultt: The Wild power is teaching women that this is like a totally divine gift. And your cognition and your mood and all the things, they fluctuate and they change in this beautiful way that men don't have. That is again, a divine superpower. So the problem, it's like the old Einstein quote, like if you judge a fish's intelligence by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its entire life thinking it's stupid.

Ruin Willow: Right?

Justin Knultt: Yeah.

Ruin Willow: Yes. So basically, and I think, yeah, the feminine powers, the feminine energy, whatever you want to call it, has basically been blackballald. It has been squished down, it has been told it's not as good. You know, men are better, men can lift. You can't do that. So then, you know, so and so is better. And I know that I'm not that strong, know. So I finally don't feel bad about that. You. It's like I'm finally not feeling bad about being a woman. And that is really sad that it took me to my 40s to be able to say that fucking sentence.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, I love that you did. Fucking way to go.

Ruin Willow: I mean, isn't it crazy though? This is what women are doing and we're not all working together. You are talking about how men and women can work together and nobody. We just need to start doing that kind of thing instead of doing this being in our head, against the wall things that we've been doing for generations.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, it's interesting too. I'm in a unique situation because we have a beautiful community here in Austin and just amazing friends. And a lot of them will go to Megan, my partner, just to ask questions. Right. Because right now, you know, omegan is now in her first trimester of pregnanc, which is super.

Ruin Willow: Oh, congratulations.

Justin Knultt: But, you know, she's in a place where she's had tremendous nausea. We've had to get her, likeh, yesing.

Ruin Willow: A lot of yes.


Megan is in a place where she can receive from her partner

Justin Knultt: So what she does is she lays in bed or on the couch all day, and I make her food. When she needs food, I make her food and I bring it to her. When she needs something, I bring it to her. Right. And she knows she doesn't have to work. Right. She also. I mean, she exited her company in 2022. And even prior to this baby experience, friends were like, yeah, Megan, like, what do your days look like? She's like, well, I read books, I go for walks, I like to take baths. You know, and it becomes. It was actually something that she had to get over of, like, feeling.

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: Or like, the shame of, like, oh, my partner is providing for me. But it's so interesting to watch her experience. Her experience is a little easier. not easier. I don't wanna say she had her own struggles with it. She was so successful, and she did what the boys did. And she is the first person to tell you that at her absolute richest, the richest she ever was, she was the most unhappy. She didn't want to be doing that thing. She hated business. She didn't like doing it. Didn't want to do the thing, you know? So it's like now she's in this place where she has kind of, like, softened into this feminine. The feminine receiving. Right. Even if we look at.

Ruin Willow: Sure, sure.

Justin Knultt: The feminine receiving. So she's in this beautiful place where she can receive. But she has said this to me before, where she meets a lot of women who haven't had their own independent, like, big financial success. And they seem to really have a harder time. They have this belief, I need to bring something to the table. I'll split the bill, I'll pay half the utilities, and I'll do the thing. Even if they're in, a heterosexual relationship, homosexual relationship, whatever, they struggle to just be provided for and just receive from their partner.

Ruin Willow: Right. Because it's seen as negative. It's seen as weaker.

Justin Knultt: Yes, 100%. It's program.

Ruin Willow: It is programming. Yeah. How do we bust it? I guess we just keep talking about it like I am, like you are. And hopefully it will start to soak into people's brains. And I think that, like you said, people are going to feel so much better if they do this kind of thing instead of trying to. It's like we're all trying to live this weird plastic life that's not even realistic. Right. Like we're trying to fit into this thing there mold that isn't even, like natural.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. We're wearing weird plastic clothes, we're eating weird plastic food, and we're having weird plastic relationships.

Ruin Willow: Right. Let's get rid of the fucking plastic. Right?

Justin Knultt: 100%.


So what are some things that you tell men that can help them stop lying

Ruin Willow: So what are some things that you tell men that. Okay, so say they've started this in their yourer program or your way of thinking and they hit roadblocks or the bumps in the road. Is it just they need to reprogram their brain, way they think about things or, or what are some, you know, roadbloc that people hit? And how do you help them navigate that?

Justin Knultt: Yeah, a lot of times we do things that I call unique consciousness experiences where I'm purposely sending them somewhere to do something that is wildly outside of their comfort zone. Get them around a group of people that are nothing like them if they're, if they're deeply political, send them to a freaking rally for the other side. Have, have conversations with people. It's like literally just push the boundaries of what their brain is comfortable with. But, but you know, most of the work that I do is deeply internal. Like, if any men listening to this, come and work with me. The very first thing I'm going to have you do is called how to. An exercise called how to Stop Hiding. And it's basically like an exploration of radical honesty and radical self expression. So sometimes it, it takes men two weeks to get through this. It's just a journaling prompt. And all I'm having you do is write down every single instance in your life where you are lying, lying or hiding or withholding.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: So it like, I mean, if you go to the barista at Starbucks and you're having a terrible day and your dog just died, and they're like, how are you doing today? And you're like, I'm doing great. Let me order my Americano. Right.

Ruin Willow: It's.

Justin Knultt: Now, I'm not saying what, I'm saying is society programs us to be dishonest and lie. It's social nicety to say, I'm doing m great. You know, it's extremely powerful. And it is shadow work to literally just say, you know what, man, I'm having a rough one. It's not my best day. I hope your day is better than mine. But, I'm here to grab some coffee, Right? You don't have to say, my dog just died. and I'm so sad. And let me tell you. And now you're my therapist. It's like, no, just get in the act of not lying. Right? If somebody invites you to an event that you don't want to go to, don't say, I can't make it. That is a lie. You could go there if you want to. You can say, I'm not gonna make it. Sorry, man. Or I won't make it. Right. And it sounds so silly, but these little tiny words when I have people do this. And the reason why sometimes it takes men two weeks is cause they'll do it. Day one. They write down 10 places like, oh, I'm using porn and my partner doesn't know about it. And, my partner thinks that I make 80 grand a year and I only make 70. And it's like these things that like instantly come to mind. So I have them think about this constantly over the next two weeks as they're walking around in their life and they get a phone call from their mom and they oh, dude, I talked to my momesterday. I realized, like, I lied to her about everything. And then my brother called me. I lied to him too. And then I was at a business mastermind and I got intimidated by all these people. So I lied about my business's revenue and I lied about this and I lied about that. Where it's like this constant mess of lies. And that constant lying is a constant beating down of your own self worth because you're presenting a version of yourself that you think is better than the actual you. And the super mess of it is you're lying in a way that gets you external validation. So now people are like, man, you're awesome, or you're super cool. Wow, that's great. You're making so much money. Amazing. Dude. Your business is crushing it. Right. You're getting all this external validation for a fake version of you.

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: And it just destroys your self worth. So that's what we start with. Radical honesty. Always. That's. We have to clear that first.

Ruin Willow: That makes sense. It's kind of like being a people pleaser. Right? But you. And you don't have to go and say you're feeling like shit. You don't have to go to the barista and be an asshole. You can say exactly how you're feeling and still be kind like your example. Be like, this is honestly how I'm feeling and don't take it out on the person, but you can honestly share without alienating them, making them feel bad, crushing them in any sort of way. And I think also we need to learn, we don't need to overshare. Like you said. We can just say a statement. Yeah, it's a rough day. Instead of saying, oh, my dog died. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that is. And I've actually done that myself and I don't know how I started doing that, but it just kind of happened. I think it also comes from thinking that you don't. Everyone doesn't have to know your full story. You don't owe them your story. Right. It's okay if they don't know your full story and they still make an opinion of you. That's okay.


Getting comfortable expressing full range of emotions through honesty

Justin Knultt: Well, we go full circle. The beginning of this conversation, right? Where I said like I had two gears, like I was super happy or I was angry, right?

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: So if I'm super happy and the barist asked me doing''m doing great, man. And then if I'm super angry that day, like. And they're like, o, how you doing?

Ruin Willow: O.

Justin Knultt: Don't ask, man.

Ruin Willow: Fuck.

Justin Knultt: Just like, can I get a coffee? Like that's really aggressive. It's like. And now an issue where you don't have your full emotional spectrum. So all we're doing here, you're not making other people your therapist. You're not dumping all of your stuff on somebody else. You're getting comfortable expressing full range of emotions through honesty. How you doing away n man. It's a tough one, man. I'm not feeling great. I'm having a. I'm having a rough day. But I really appreciate you asking. Thank you for asking me. And I'm happy to just order a coffee from you, man. I hope you're b that you help your days better than mine. Right. Just showing up is like, that's a real version of me. Whoa.

Justin Knultt: That's Justin now. Present moment. That's how I am, man. I'm not flipping on the performer switch for you. I'm having a hard time and you asked about it, so I'm gonna assume you actually wa want toa know, and I'm gonna share my authentic self. So it's like when an 18 year old kid comes to me and says, I want big biceps, we gotta do bicep curls.

Ruin Willow: M

Justin Knultt: H Honesty, self love, radical self expression. We have to get in the reps. You have to practice acting in this way.

Ruin Willow: Yes. And you have to.

Justin Knultt: Yeah.

Ruin Willow: To practice thinking that way and responding that way, you know, and not feeling like you have to have people externally validate you.


King En asks what your take on porn is from your viewpoint

one question I want to ask is. This's come up a couple of times. I have like zero problems with porn at all. And I know a lot of men love the visuals of porn and I enjoy porn myself. What is your take on porn? Do you think it's awful, do you think? I guess I just. From your viewpoint of the world, I would love to hear your thoughts in regards to that.

Justin Knultt: Totally. it's unique to each and every individual. Right. I do think blanket statement. There are certain websites, and I wish I knew them off hand, that are better at consensual performers. You know, that people have, they have more rights, they're paid better. It's not like constant degradation. And like degradation is fine if that's your kink, right. And you're into it. But then try to find production companies where people are not being abused. Right? That's blanket statement. Like if you're going toa use porn, try to up the quality level and don't go to all these free sites where it's just people getting slapped around. So, you know, try to find really, really high quality productions where the employees, let's call them, are treated very well. So that's first thing, blanket statement. but when it comes to porn, I'll give you an example of this, right? Like I was at an event and I'm speaking at this event and there's like 15 guys there and I asked these m. How many people in the room are using porn? 15 hands go up.

Ruin Willow: Yep.

Justin Knultt: Every single one of them had partners. By the way, how many of your partners know about your porn use? Zero hands go up.

Ruin Willow: Right?

Justin Knultt: And these are men in conscious loving relationships. Like, these are good partnerships. And there's all these stories of like, well, I don't need to. They don't really care. I don't need to un. Like, do you know that they care? Do you have agreements with this? Have they told you how they feel about porn? You know, so you have this whole experience where it's the prince energy. The prince energy. It'eating the chocolate cake. I hide this away, I lock myself in a room. I do it as fast as I can. I only do it when she's not home. And they think it's just like, I don't want toa get in trouble. Just go have the conversation. And prince energy is like, hey, listen, I really need to talk to you about this thing. I think I've done something really bad and. And it's the shame, guilt, shame, guilt, shame, guilt. I hate the chocolate cake. Mommy's not go love me anymore. Whereas King En energy is like, hey, listen, I'm working with this coach and I realize that I've been keeping something from you that I don't want to keep from you anymore. I actually really enjoy porn. Here's how much I use it. Here's the type of porn that I'm into. And I'm here for your feeling. How does that make you feel? I'm here for your feelings. This is something that I like and that I choose for myself. Right?

Justin Knultt: So the partner is going to have their own feelings. And this is when we talk about communication and emotional space holding. I think that, that men and women in today's society are very bad at holding their partner'feelings without trying to prevent them or fix them or change them. So again, I'm making this sound very easy, right? But it is getting to a place where it's like, this is not my mom, my mom is this. My partner is not in charge of me. My partner doesn't make rules for me to live by. But we do together as a team, come to agreements, right?

Ruin Willow: Yes.

Justin Knultt: I know for a fact that my partner has a huge problem with degradation porn that is non consensual most of the porn today. Right. I know that she has a problem with that. So I know what is off limits and what is not off limits. Because we have the conversations, you know?

Justin Knultt: And now let's just say that I disagree with her on this. And I'm like, nope, I want to look at whatever I want and I want to use this thing and whatever. And she's like, yeah, but't I don't want that. I don't want to be in a partnership like that. Then you have to decide what's more important to you. The relationship and coming to this compromise and agreement or you walking out the door because standing in your king energy and your own authentic truth. If this is something you need in your life, nobody gets to tell you that you can't have it.

Ruin Willow: Right?

Justin Knultt: You see what I'm saying?

Ruin Willow: I completely agree with you. And I think that that is very important. And I think a lot of women, I don't feel this way. But a lot of women feel threatened by the porn because they think that the man would prefer the porn to the woman, you know, or that somehow that's better, more ideal.


Our society has programmed women to think if he likes porn, he doesn't like me

And to me it's just a different expression of sexuality. It doesn't really impact the woman. She can either participate in the porn or not. But I think that's again our society has programmed women to think, oh, if he likes porn and he doesn't like me.

Ruin Willow: Yeah, right. And I think that's a pervasive thing. That's really hard.


70% of 11 year olds in public schools had seen high speed Internet porn

Other thing I want to say is I hear a lot of people talking about young men who really like porn and then they come to an actual relationship with a woman and they don't know how to act, they may not be able to get an erection. Do you encounter that? And if. Yeah, okay.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, for sure. And again, like the younger guys that I tell you about that have made a lot of money but don't have a lot of experience with women. this really goes back to again because we don't have open and honest conversations about this stuff. We've really done society a huge disservice. Right. It's like I think right now this statistics from years ago'probably worse now but at the time when I first started speaking about these things publicly, it was like 70% of 11 year olds in public schools had seen high speed Internet video porn.

Ruin Willow: Right, right, right.

Justin Knultt: So we can't do the ostrich thing and stick our head in the sand and pretend that this doesn't impact people. Because what does end up happening is you have men that are seeing porn from the time they're very young and then they go through puberty and then they start to touch themselves and they actually are getting addicted to the aggression, the roughness, the feeling of the hand. So you get to a situation where when they are in their first sexual experience, if it's a heterosexual man playing with a woman, let's say, and it's like a softer grip and a soft hand and the body feels different. It's like very confusing. And what m also ends up happening is it'it's like crack where it's like your first hit of crack isnna feel the best and then you're chasing the dragon and it has to more and more extreme. So there is actual like real pretty, pretty convincing stuff around this with men that like they get into porn when they're you know, just over puberty, they're 13 and they see you know, a woman's boobs and it's like that's enough. And it gets them off. Then it's like they see two women kissing and then they see missionary, male female sex and then It's a man with two women and then it's a gang bang and then it say and. And it just becomes more and more intense. So the next thing you know, you have these men who have never been with a woman. They're 17, 18 years old and like the only thing they can get off to is like hardcore like transgender gang bang porn or something. Right. It's like their circuitry has been so fundamentally hijacked that like that person is going to have to do like a stone cold dopamine detox, like months and months and months and probably therapy of like reprogramming the thing and understanding that like when you meet a woman, you don't just bend her over and have anal sex.

Ruin Willow: Right?

Justin Knultt: So it'it'it. Is, it's very problematic. But again, is it the porn that's problematic or is it the lack of guidance? Because adults are so uncomfortable with the emotional experience of young children and they don't know how to guide. We have really bad guides or we have knowing diet. Actually if you do that, you're gonna go to hell when you die and you're gonna burn for all of eternity.

Ruin Willow: Yes.

Justin Knultt: Don't fucking bring it up again. Right?

Ruin Willow: You see, it's that, that's. Yeah, that's not gonn. That statement isn't going toa help anything. You know. Yeah, we, our sex ed sucks. Doesn't talk about consent. And yes, you know, you're creating this so of course they're gonna go to porn because there isn't anything else. You know, there is nothing else. And as humans, we are fundamentally sexual beings and so if you want something and you want to know more about it, you're going to find a way to get it. So if we're the idiots, we're only going to put that out there for people, then that's what we're going toa get. It's just stupid as a society be doing this. It's just, it drives me crazy 100%.

Justin Knultt: I couldn't agree more. And that's the thing, right? Like if we know, if we look at what I just described and if you're listening to this right now and you say, oh yeah, that's super messed up. These kids are like totally on their own. They don't have any guidance. They'right at school or showing in this thing, like that's really bad. Well then think about your own romantic partnership. Are you having these discussions, right? Are you taking that? Sweep it under the rug, don't talk about it. And then bringing that to Your romantic relationship where you just like, you and your partner actually don't even know about each other's fantasies or kinks or whatever. And like also the, I mean, the insecurity piece. This gets back to the beginning. Like we were talking about, like, people have not learned how to state their needs.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: I have a need. Can you meet this need? And also being prepared to hear a no if somebody can't.

Ruin Willow: Yes.

Justin Knultt: You know, so it becomes this thing of like, there's actually an opportunity there for the female partners that are feeling uncomfortable to say instead of. It's like, wow, I don't want you to doing that. That's. How could you do that? That's disgusting. Right? It becomes, thank you for sharing that with me. I'm having some big feelings. that makes me feel really insecure. Like, okay, well, what you, what are you feeling? What are you feeling insecure about? Wow. Y. I've put on £20 in the last, you know, 10 years. And you're looking at these women that like, have a different body than me. And that makes me feel. Can you just like, give me some reassurances? Can you just tell me that you choose me and that you love me? Right. It's like speaking from emotion changes everything. And ah, I do this thing with couples and I do it in my romantic relationship. A couple on a call and there's a rapper up of their power and I pause them. You tell the other one how you're feeling without words.

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: And they're like, u, well, what do you mean? Okay, well, therapy has taught everyone, like, name the emotion I'm feeling sad. Okay, that's actually not the most emotionally intelligent response because what ends up happening is this sort of like verbal diarrhea of like, I'm feeling sad. Okay. Why? Well, because you don't really pay attention to me anymore and you said we were gonna do a date every week and blah, blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden the guy's just like, yo, fuck this, man. I'm now defensive.


Tell your partner how you're feeling without words. It's such a simple fix

I don't want to hold space for you. Whereas when we remember that we're all little kids in grown up bodies, I say, tell him how you're feeling without words. And she just looks at her partner and goes and slumps and frowns. Right? Your partner's like, whoa, what do you need? I want to hug you immediately. I will give you the world. I'm so sorry, what's happening? Right? And you can actually hold your partner's emotion in that way instead of needing to Logically explain it away. Right. I'm kind of rambling here, but it's.

Ruin Willow: Important stuff, you know, it is important stuff. And I think that's huge. It's such a simple fix. Like what you're saying, it's such a simple fix.

Ruin Willow: Anyone can do it, everyone can do it all over the place and just. Yeah, speak itly. And it's so simple that it's brilliant. You know what I mean? Like it's just. And it makes sense. It's logical. It makes sense. It's logical. So, you know, people can just start practing this in their daily life. I mean, another thing I want to say is if you are into something and your partner isn't, you know, either that person, the partner needs to maybe get to a place where they can say, okay, you can go get that by watching porn. I'm not going to participate in that. But that's fine, you know, like, to get to that space to be able to be like, I'm not the only source that my partner can use to meet all their needs and to be okay with that.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, of course. And it doesn't diminish your partner's love for you.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: Their love for you is unique. Right. So the same way, when I coach entrepreneurs that are wanting to be interest_uenrs I'm like, don't try to be like your favorite influencer. You are you. There's no competition for you in the entire world. You are a category of one. And your only job is to be the most authentic version of you. Because then really nobody can compete with you. You're trying to do the plastic life thing where you're keeping up with the Joneses and you're just like everybody else. Well, you're now replaceable. We can copy and paste you with another person. You're just acting like the other people.

Ruin Willow: Right.

Justin Knultt: But it's the authentic version of you. And understanding that your partner can go out and get needs met by different ways that have nothing to do with it. Their love for you. Like love is not a zero sum game, right?

Ruin Willow: Absolutely.


There are masculine feminine polarity dynamics in every partnership, right?

Oh, this has been so amazing. Is there anything we haven't talked about that you wanted to be sure to mention? Like, this just like flew by in like a couple of minutes in my brain. It has not been an hour. It was like, it was like poom. Like magic poof. Like all sud. It's an hour.

Justin Knultt: Yeah. I loved it. This is a great conversation.

Ruin Willow: It was, it was super fun. Is there anything though that you want to say or point out and obviously tell people where they can find you.

Justin Knultt: Yeah, I think, so I explain this to men. This will be like for the male listeners, but also for the women listening. Ah. And for any partnership, right? There are masculine feminine polarity dynamics in every single partnership, no matter what. There are masculine feminine polarities in every individual human internally. So this is not like heteronormative things, right? This applies to everybody. These dynamics will exist in every relationship. And it's a lot of times I'm working with men who want some of the things that I want, or that I have, right? Like when they experience my relationship or whatever and I tell them, like, listen, man, I have businesses, I did music, I am fit and healthy, I have abs, right? All the things. And sometimes I wake up and I go downstairs and I look at Megan and I go. And she's like, what's going on? And I'm like, I'm feeling really low. I'm feeling really sad. What's going on? I just feel like I'm chubby and I don't look good right now. And all my businesses suck. And we're gonna go bankrupt. Everything's gonna fail. The sky is falling. This is terrible. I feel super weak. Can you just help me? Oh my goodness, I feel awful. And she's like, I'm here. What do you need? Can you just please tell me that I'm the most handsome man you've ever seen and that you think I'm a great provider and you choose me every day and you love me so much and no matter what, you'll always be with me. Blah bl blah, right? And I asked for exactly the exact word. I'm not saying just state needs. I'm like tellingah fucking words that I need right now. She takes a breath, she holds my face. I love you. You're the most handsome man I've ever seen. Your body is perfect. You're such an amazing businessman and you're such a fantastic provider for our family. I choose you every day. I could not be more happy to'my partner. And I'm just soaking it in. I'm just receiving o. All right, I got it right. And she knows that that's her in her queen energy.

Ruin Willow: M

Justin Knultt: And she is charging up the battery of her king, right?

Ruin Willow: Yeah.

Justin Knultt: She's not looking at me go, look at this weak man. Oh my goodness, look at this guy. He's so weak. And there are guys listening to this right now that might be listening to me say those Words M man. Oh, my God, he's showing so much weakness. Listen, bro, I can kill 95% of people with my bare hands, right? That's how well trained I am. Okay? So understand this makes me a stronger, divine masculine that I am able to dip into this thing and share radical honesty with my partner.


Justin Altial: Listen to that story as a man, woman

So, anyway, what I want to share is listen to that story as a man, woman, whatever your relationship dynamic is. Tell me how your heart feels. Tell me if you feel a pressure in your throat and you're thinking, oh, my God, I could never do that. Tell me if you're feeling a pressure in your heart, like, I wish my partner would share those things with me. Right. If you're feeling that, that is your authentic self speaking to you. Do not ignore it. Reach out to either one of us. Say, hey, I heard your podcast. It was fantastic. Can you tell me some next steps? I really want to listen. I really want to experience this or explore this. Don't sleep on that. I'm happy to send free resources. If you want to work with me, that's great. If you don't want to work with me, that's also great. I can tell you about some books or whatever. If this is really calling to you, take action. That's your intuition talking to you. And just where people can find me. Just go to Instagram. I run almost everything through Instagram. I'm everywhere on social media at Justin Altial, right? Tik took is the big giant one or whatever. But, go toustinultic official on Instagram, click the follow button, send me a dm. Hey, man, I heard you on this podcast. I need help with XYZ and it's going to be me. It's not go goingna be a member of my team. I'm gonna respond to you directly and say, hey, what's up? How can I help? And we take it from there.

Ruin Willow: I love that. That's fantastic. That is so wonderful. Do that. Everybody do that. That's just a wonderful thing. Well, thank you so much. This has been so much fun. I've really enjoyed our chat. I think you have amazing viewpoints and wonderful things to share with the world. So thank you so much.

Justin Knultt: Me too. Thank you. It's been a pleasure.

Ruin Willow: All right, you have a good day.

Justin Knultt: You too.

Ruin Willow: All right, bye.